Reflection on Readings: The Lover and The Beloved - Part 2

I told myself that if I do get married I would not use the reading:  Ephesians 5:21-32.  Other than it's so overused, I did not like the "Wives should be subordinate to their husbands" bit.  Last Sunday's homily by Fr. Chris changed all that.  And I'm sharing his perspective as a campaign against the traditional views on husband and wife dynamics.

Goals of Marriage

1. Unitive.  The husband and wife become united; one flesh.
2. Procreate.  Give birth (by birth or by heart) to the ultimate expression of their love.
3. Heaven.  (1) To create a loving environment that mirrors heaven on earth; (2) To lead each other (and the entire family) to heaven (i.e. be good influences to each other!).

Roles & Responsibilities

The HEAD - leads

God the Father (in the Holy Trinity)

Jesus (in relation to the Church)

Husband

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her 26 to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, 27 that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church...

The relationship between husband and wife should mirror Christ's relationship with the Church. Jesus worked and sacrificed Himself - to the point of laying down His life - for the Church. That is how much He loved the Church.  That is how much a husband should love his wife.

Jesus led the Church in the path to righteousness and safeguarded her.  He did so by following the Will of the Father.  In a marriage, the husband should "lead by listening to the music of the Gospel".

The HEART - follows

God the Son (in the Holy Trinity)

Church (in relation to Jesus)

Wife

22 Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. 24 As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.

"Submission brings freedom because it brings trust and peace in the home." (Fr. Chris)

By virtue of his position, the husband's role is to lead the family - irrespective of talents, capabilities, resources, etc. The wife should step back and allow the husband to lead.  Of course, if he fails to or chooses not to, then she can, by all means, step in.

Picture the Holy Family:  Jesus, Mary, Joseph. That is the order of importance in Church history, meaning Joseph is the least prominent.  And yet he is the head of the Holy Family - both Jesus and Mary were subordinate to him and followed where he led (and, boy, did he take them places!).

Equality Does Not Mean Similarity

"Leading & Following are different, equal and reciprocal roles"  This, to me, is Fr. Chris' most powerful statement.  It shows the partnership between husband and wife and underlines the importance of both roles.

Picture dance partners on the dance floor.  The most beautiful and seamless dance numbers are those where the man leads confidently and the woman, in full trust, allows herself to be led. 

Is one above the other?  No.  Both are important.  But a dance would have been a disaster if both were leading or both were following. They are equally important, but they play different roles.  

To promote equality, then, is not to brand one role as being above the other, but to celebrate and revel in our differences.