Poetic Dose: Chasing Stars

chasing stars

darkness engulfs the vast sky

just moments after the sun's parade;

and, for a heartbeat,

the emptiness seems absolute;

the pain, wrenching, as if

from love irrevocably lost;

then, with a blink, pinpricks of light ---

they appear in silent succession;

the constricting darkness gives way to

a boundless bejeweled sky;

and I --- I fall softly into its quiet embrace

of endless possibilities;

thus, this is where I will remain,

embracing the darkness, chasing stars;

as I await the promise

of my inevitable new dawn.

Happy Meetings: Single By Choice

Ever since I discovered Archangel Raphael as my perfect match, he had been orchestrating happy serendipitous meetings for me (He is, afterall, the angel of happy meetings).  Alas, the idea to chronicle them only came recently.  So, I shall start from this year's first happy meeting/s, when the coincidence was too glaring to write off as a mere coincidence.

On my way to a business trip, the driver who brought me to the airport was a single father with two children.  His wife had died giving birth to their son.  Recognizing that his wife was an only child, he made the unusual decision of staying with his in-laws.  This way his in-laws' loss was tempered with the joy of witnessing their grandchildren grow.  It's been more than 6 years since and he has not regretted his decision.

On the same day, when I landed in my destination country, what are the odds that the lady driver assigned to take me to the hotel was a single mother!  Things did not work out between her and the father of her nine-year old daughter, but they have maintained a good co-parenting arrangement.  She makes sure that her daughter spends ample time with her father's family as well.  There is no need to antagonize when they are family, afterall.

Both single parents did not feel that their circumstance was a hindrance to a romantic relationship.  If anything, it is a diamond test that will help them find the right partner, one who will love them and their child/ren in their entirety.  There is no need to rush into anything.  Like all things precious, the right love, one who recognizes and respects their responsibility as single parents, is worth waiting for. God willing, the next one will be the partner who will enrich their little family.

Prayer Before Mass

Come, Holy Spirit, I pray.  Prepare my body, mind, heart and soul to celebrate Jesus' love and sacrifice in the Holy Mass.

May I be physically disposed to attend the Mass, sufficiently comfortable or uncomfortable, as You see fit. May I find myself in a part of the Church where I can fully appreciate and take part in the celebration.  If my EQ (emotional quotient) is particularly low, please guide me to a place with the least distractions.
May my mind be open and my heart even wider to receive your special message and lesson for me today.  And may I be cognizant of it, whether it comes from the priest or other people in attendance --- like finding easter eggs in a vast garden.
May my heart be generous in recognizing, that I belong to the universal church made up of imperfect people with an even more imperfect leadership, each one with their own unique struggles in their journey of faith. May I have a heart willing to forgive when their struggles impact mine and, in turn, may I have the humility to forgive myself for my own shortcomings.
May I always maintain a grateful heart for having been accepted into the Church without a need for a spiritual IQ test.
Lastly, may my soul be properly disposed to receive the graces and blessings this highest form of prayer offers.  May I recognize, that, more than anything, the Holy Mass is a celebration of Jesus' gift of Easter.  May my heart remain full, knowing the debt that was paid through and trusting in the promise of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

I ask this, with Mary my Mother and Joseph, my foster father.

Amen.

Bigger Bear Series: He Finds You

I guess it's true what they say, the first day/month of the year basically dictates how the rest of the year would turn out.  This year started out with a business trip for me and I had been flying every month since.  Between the trips, A's school work, family/friends and the rest of my work, I didn't have much time to slow down and squeeze in some Lenten spiritual exercises.

The next thing I knew, it was the week before Holy Week and I was in Costa Rica. The most optimal flight schedule allowed me a weekend breather in the country after the hectic week.  I took the opportunity to spend time with a dear friend who lived there.  I was supposed to drive out with her to their farm on Friday, but my meetings ran over; so, I spent another night at the hotel.

As there was no rush to go to the farm, I spent the morning visiting two nearby churches. Incidentally, the two churches where the driver (who spoke no English at all!) took me were dedicated to two of my patrons:  San Raphael and Santa Ana.  What are the odds!

I was able to spend some good quiet time in both churches and I experienced a resurgence of the spirit.  It doesn't matter where you are, He finds you.

I realized how much I missed these quiet moments, that I visited the Blessed Sacrament everyday and attended Mass whenever I could since I came back.  It feels good to be found again.

Somebody Loved
By:  The Weepies

Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved

Sunrises and Sunsets

(El Nido, Palawan Sunset by angkulet)

I am consumed

by the colours of the sun;

it haunts my dreams

and my waking hours;

i close my eyes

and i feel its warmth;

kissing,

painting my face;

a beautiful salmon pink

amidst the deep blue. 

(December 2014).

Sunrises and Sunsets have a way of pulling at my heartstrings.  It doesn't matter how many I've witnessed, each sunrise or sunset is an entirely new experience that still awes and captivates me everytime - no fail.

Sunrise by Francis Ghersci
At dawn, when purple skies begin to fade into blue, and tinges of yellow and orange start peeking through, I feel a certain excitement; like butterflies of hope fluttering from my stomach to my heart. And, when the sun bursts into an explosion of light (like new loves), it brings with it the promise of a new and beautiful day. Troubles past feel like forgotten dreams from an eternity ago and worries are swiftly washed away.  Sunrises mean nothing is impossible. Everything can be conquered.

Manila Bay Sunset by Damijan Zizek
Dusk, for all its beauty, bring with it a certain bittersweet melancholy. As the bright sun moves towards the horizon, its light gradually mellowing, I can't help but feel a form of quiet surrender for all things inevitable.  And, once the sun hits the horizon, setting the sky on fire in one final burst of effort, there is no ending (like dying loves) more beautiful nor more magnificent.  Moments after it has gone, the sun's echoes remain in the beautiful shades of salmon, blue and deep purple; much like forgiving, letting go and moving on.

Just recently, I witnessed a breathtaking sunset while in a moving car.  Like any normal person, I fumbled for my phone to catch a photo. But the photos by my unprofessional hands were a mere whistle compared to the symphony before me.  So, I abandoned my phone and immersed myself in the full experience.  And then, I realized, there are photos best taken with the heart. 

Poetic Dose: Parallel Universes

(October 2014)

i cannot say
the exact moment
nor fully comprehend
the how ---
perhaps a swift blow
from cupid's stray arrow,
or the slow burning
of daily small gestures;
or the why's ---
similarly wired brains,
the unspoken partnership
or, perhaps,
simply
the volumes spoken
from a sideways glance,
the undefined yearning
from a brief touch.

i cannot say
my exact sentiments
my heart, as conflicted
as your cryptic messages ---
tossed around in a sea
of late night exchanges,
pulled deeper in the undercurrent
of the almost-but-never-quite;
my soul, as lost
as your true meaning ---
wound up
in the rollercoaster ride
of your affections
--- or affectations?

i cannot know,
may never want to know
perhaps i should just
draw a cupful of comfort ---
these moments
of mutual tenderness
come to pass
   a wrinkle in time,
perhaps somewhere
in a parallel universe
i am
for you
the very heartbeat
that brings you to life.

The Promise of Plenty

Obviously, our first trek left us on such a high, that we made a pact to make it a regular activity.  A month and a few days later, amidst our crazy busy schedules, we were back on the road at 3 am to conquer another peak - Mt. Marami (Plenty).

True to its name, Mt. Marami gave me, and everyone in our trail group, PLENTY.

There were plenty of trails that led to the summit and several other surrounding communities. It offered the full experience.  We had to go through forest trails, rivers, heat-exposed valleys, ravines, very narrow side-of-the-mountain-is-this-a-friggin'-trail trails, inclines and descents in varying degrees (some really close to 90 degrees) and a literal rock wall. A ROCK WALL.

Oh! And, yes, it took PLENTY of steps.  33,500, to be exact, according to my iPhone.  Needless to say, we also needed plenty of time to complete the trek.

So ... I, therefore, conclude, Mt. Marami definitely delivered.  And, because of that, I have plenty of "A-ha's" to share.

It pays to be prepared.

Call us nerds, competitive or committed, but, after our Mt. Batulao trek, we debriefed and talked about what we could do better.  

1. Lip balm. I carried my lip balm in my most accessible pocket, so I could apply liberally anytime.  No windburns this time :)
2. Good pair of trail shoes.  In Batulao, I wore a snug-fit trekking sandals which tortured my feet.  So, I invested on a pair of outdoor trail shoes (kapit, Salomon!), a size bigger than my actual shoe size.  A tip I got from trail guides and the trekker sales person who helped me at the shop.
3. Compression socks are the bomb!  I threw in a pair of compression socks, which, without a doubt, helped reduce my feet's after-trail soreness.  Despite being a longer and more difficult trail, I was not an invalid the following day.
4. Sleeves help.  I got some itchies from the tall weeds in Batulao, so I borrowed my sister-in-law's biking sleeves.  No itchies that left pocky dots on my arms.  Yey!
5. Compact trekking backpack.  The bag I used in my first hike was much too big and heavy.  My back ached even though my hiking buddy adjusted it for me.  I'm glad my brother talked me into buying a more compact trekking backpack more suitable for my compact size.
6. Hiking poles are a huge help.  We borrowed a pair of hiking poles which were a big help during the many ascents and descents.
7. Music.  Everything is so much more pleasant with music!

Other than that, we had the standard trail food (can't go hungry), water, sunblock and cover ups.

Keep your eyes on the goal.

When we started our trek, our trail guides pointed at an obscure point, its highest point, on top of the mountain.  They said, that was where we were headed. 

What?! 

I fainted inside.  I really did.  

I wondered whether I would even make it halfway through.  But I took a deep breath and took my first step towards my goal.  While it looked daunting in the beginning, it helped a lot to look up every now and then and see where I was in reference to the summit.  It served as encouragement and motivation to see my progress.

The important lesson here is to measure progress in reference to my goal --- and not against other people's progress.  Progress, after all, is relative.  No two people would have exactly the same goals and timings to achieve them.  Comparing yourself to other people would only give you undue stress (and stress, they say, causes cancer).

Stop and take rests.

And, because the only person you are racing against is yourself, it is completely fine to stop and take rests.  As you catch your breath, take the time to breathe the fresh air and enjoy the sights.  Moreover, it is essential to rest, recover and rejuvenate yourself.  You'll be amazed at the momentum from the burst of renewed energy vs. trudging on drearily.

Most constraints are in your head.

The summit was composed of three separate rocks.  We had to traverse the side of the rocks to go from one to the other.  We had to climb the rock wall in order to get to the main summit (the bigger rock formation).  I thought to myself, "Great.  You always wanted to do wall climbing.  Well, here you go!"  

And, as if that wasn't enough, we came to a fissure in the rock.  I will have to jump across the gap.  I stopped, assessed the gap and decided out loud, "It's too wide for me. I'm too short.  I won't make the jump."  My friend didn't say anything.  He merely looked at me incredulously and shot a glance at our tiny 9-year old guide.

Right.

I jumped.

Help comes when you need it; sometimes, when you least expect it and from the most unlikely people.

On our descent, I was managing myself down the rock wall when I couldn't find my footing.  Out of nowhere, there was a hand outstretched towards me.  A trekker from another group helped me get down safely from the wall. And I'm glad, that instead of just muttering my appreciation, I looked up to give him a proper "thank you".  I found myself face-to-face with the first (and, probably, only) attractive non-gay male specimen in the trails that day. (Thank you, Lord!)

No, we did not have time to exchange anything more than the standard thank-you-you're-welcome dialogue. 

Perhaps on the next trail.

Ask for help.

Because Mt. Marami had plenty of paths, it was so easy to get lost.  A few times we lost track of our other groupmates on the forks in the paths. The instructions from our trail guides were to either stop and wait for help or call out for help vs. trying to figure it out on our own.  Faster and safer.

I realized it's a sound advise for life in general. How many times have we tried to proudly figure things out our own and found ourselves going around in circles?

Trials bind.

When we started out the hike, we all stayed within our little groups.  As the hike progressed and the trail became more challenging, the groups slowly merged - supporting and encouraging each other, finding humor in the arduous trails.  At the end of the trek, a number of us gave each other high-fives and sat together around a sari-sari store for our most satisfying no-frills meal.

Make connections.

The trek took 10 to 11 hours to complete.  That was a lot of time spent around strangers, ample time to make connections beyond the usual small talk and courtesy helps offered.  The good thing about trekking is that it forces you to interact with different people. Depending on how fast or slow you are, you get a chance to talk to different individuals within or even outside of your group.  

I got to know our junior local trail guide who immediately won my heart.  I found out our Australian member is actually taking a break from her masters (or doctorate) studies to do some volunteer work here in the Philippines.  The owner of one of the houses who had an abundance of buko does not actually sell buko because it's much to heavy to transport.  They also travel farther to than the nearby town to do business in order to earn more.

When you focus too much on speed and finishing faster, aside from ending up spent too soon, you also miss out on making meaningful connections.  No one is chasing you.  Enjoy the trek.

Not all paths are created equal, but each one has a unique lesson to offer.

Mt. Marami has several paths.  They say all paths eventually lead to the summit.  Some just take longer, while some are shorter.  Some are more difficult.  Some are scenic.  Some go through communities ... and who knows what kind of connections we could have made with the locals there?

Each path offers something unique to the entire experience.  Each one has a valuable lesson to teach. Each path will build you and help you unlock capabilities you never knew you had.    No path is a waste of time.

So, no matter what path you are on now, don't fret.  You'll get there --- where and when you should be.

Where God is, Life is Beautiful.

The trail boasts of a majestic ancient tree by the river, several patches of bamboo groves (one of which had a cathedral-like canopy of bamboos), rows of weeds with brightly-colored flowers, wild raspberries and black berries, a whisper of a river, artful array of rugged and smooth rocks, mountains all around and clear blue skies overhead.

For all its thoughtless randomness, it was the grandest, most beautiful garden I have ever laid my eyes on.

And I thought, even the remotest, most desolate places are not forgotten by God.  He takes care of the littlest things in the most loving way.  

He craves to take care of us.  

The key is simply to let Him in ... and "He will make all things beautiful in His time."

Poetic Dose: Soulspeak

Reflection on Readings: The Price And Its Prize

It's been a while since I had a quality quiet prayer time. And today's readings felt like a wonderful "welcome back" hug from God.

Read them!  I'm sure you'll feel as blessed and "hugged" as I did 💗

1st Reading:  Sirach 2:1-11
Psalms:  Psalm 37:3-4, 18-19, 27-28, 39-40
Gospel:  Mark 9:30-37

What I gleaned from the readings are not really new, but it's good to be reminded of them every now and then.

THE PRICE

Committing to something or someone is not easy, especially in the long run.  Committing to God, doubly (or 10x, in fact) so.  What does He ask for exactly?

Well, for starters ...

My son, when you come to serve the Lord, stand in justice and fear, prepare yourself for trials.

Stand in justice.  Be objective.  Be fair.  Never easy, when there is so much subjective context and we are creatures given to biases and prejudices --- because of our limited knowledge.  In every situation, we are called to be impartial and not quick to judge.  

Stand in fear.  Fear of the Lord. This is something that comes naturally when you get to know just how omnipotent He is.  This may sound scary (you see what I did there? Hehe), but it's really not.  See, once we understand His greatness, then there is nothing else to fear but Him.  And He is not THAT scary because God is Love. So, really, Fear of the Lord is empowering.

Prepare yourself for trials.  Not only did He want us to prepare for trials.  He has very specific instructions on how to approach them.

Accept whatever befalls you, when sorrowful, be steadfast, and in crushing misfortune be patient.

What?!

Yup. 

But why do we have to be tried all the time? Because "someone" will always try to win us over; try to make us use God's gift of Free Will to turn away from His grace.  Because God knows us enough to know which trials to allow and disallow.  Because trials stretch us and enable us to reach our fullest potential.  Because ...

for in fire gold and silver are tested, and worthy people in the crucible of humiliation.

Refiner's Fire

Yes, because YOU are WORTHY.  And, yes, YOU CAN. 

Trials also help put things in perspective.  Sometimes, trials serve as mirrors to help us ground ourselves back to our original commitment.  Often we start out with serving God with the pure intention of honoring and glorifying Him.  And then, sometimes, vanity gets the better of us ...

But they remained silent. For they had been discussing among themselves on the way who was the greatest.

Such moments help us check our intentions.

Then he sat down, called the Twelve, and said to them, “If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all.”

ITS PRIZE

It's a steep Price, isn't it?  But, guess what ... commitment goes both ways.  And these are what He brings to the table ...

Trust God and God will help you; trust in him, and he will direct your way; keep his fear and grow old therein.

You who fear the Lord, trust him, and your reward will not be lost.

You who fear the Lord, hope for good things, for lasting joy and mercy. 

You who fear the Lord, love him and your hearts will be enlightened.

Compassionate and merciful is the Lord; he forgives sins, he saves in time of trouble and he is a protector to all who seek him in truth.

And, to top it off, the commitment comes with a guarantee.

Study the generations long past and understand; has anyone hoped in the Lord and been disappointed? Has anyone persevered in his commandments and been forsaken? Has anyone called upon him and been rebuffed?

So, who truly wins?  YOU (in case you haven't figured it out)

You've got nothing to lose and everything to win.

Sign up!

Closing the Space Between Us

In this month of Hearts, let me confess (in case it's not that obvious) that I am a Love Pirate.  No, I don't steal other people's lovers.  Hell, NO!  I am a foolish pirate who believes that somewhere out there is a treasure chest filled with the perfect kind of love.  And I will find it.


"just because you don't see us, doesn't mean that we don't exist."

- Ingrid Michaelson, Smallest Light

(And I will devour every romantic movie with mushy-even-though-entirely-impossible plots any day ... or night).

Watching "The Space Between Us", even with its far-fetched plot, showcased a worthwhile underlying multi-layered theme that is both relevant and accessible ... if you care enough to look closer.

These are the layers I noted, which, I believe, can help us close the space between us.

"Courage is Fear that said its prayers."

Okay, it's not a plot layer.  It's a quote.  But one that speaks volumes and needs no further explanation.  It's a good note-to-self, especially this year, when conditions are favorable for leaps of faith.  A friend told me that Year 2017 is a year of Endings and New Beginnings.  I don't know how true that is.  But I've witnessed a lot of people courageously taking leaps of faith, in one form or another, and it's only February!

Passion breeds Frustration breeds Creativity.

When you want something bad enough and all odds are against you, at first you get really frustrated.  Then you figure out creative, sometimes complex and absurdly out-of-this-world ways to get it.  And you do get it.  Sometimes immediately, sometimes much later ... but you do get it.

Movie references:  Gardner wanted to see his mother's grave outside of the Mars bubble complex he lives in, so he dismantled his robot to get a map of the place and used his magnetic monitor implant to open the door. (Go figure! But you get my point).
Tulsa drove a plane to help Gardner "escape" from Nathaniel and Kendra.

"Break my heart
Break my hands
You can take anything but my plans
Ooh ooh I got big things to do

You can laugh,
Have your fun
I'll be standing right here when you're done
Ooh ooh I got big things to do"

- Ingrid Michaelson, Smallest Light

Smallest Light

We have become Earth desensitized.

There is so much beauty around us --- in nature, our surroundings and the faces we meet.  We have become so desensitized, our noses on whatever gadgets we have our hands on 24/7, that we miss the everyday awesomeness of the Earth we live in.

Step out.  Look up, around and towards the horizon. We are much more connected to everything in nature than we care to admit.  Don't you feel more serene, at peace and clear-headed after a few minutes of just appreciating the gift of God's creations?

Yet we have become indifferent to or, worse, unbelieving of the damage we are inflicting. Sometimes, I feel, we are like the foolish scorpion who stung the tortoise that carried it.

Distance and Time are imaginary constraints.

Who are we kidding?  We live in the future.  So many things which were impossible 5, 10, 15 years ago are daily ordinary stuff now.  For all the possibilities technology offers us, we have never been more disconnected.

We have become a society of quantity over quality.  We make more "connections", yes, but how much of these go beyond the superficial?  And, because of all of these connections, our time is spread too thinly that there is not enough to make real connections.

We travel great distances for work, concerts, games, etc.  But we cannot travel the shorter distances to visit family and friends.  And, even if these are longer distances, aren't they much more worth traveling for?

Distance and time are not the constraints.  It's our priorities.

Movie reference:  Gardner traveled for 7 months from Mars to Earth just to meet Tulsa and to find his father.  Okay, not a realistic example, but a good analogy ... sort of.

"I need the sun to break, you've woken up my heart
I'm shaking, all my luck could change
Been in the dark for weeks and I've realized you're all I need and
I hope that I'm not too late"

- James Bay, Need The Sun to Break

Need The Sun to Break

Blinders limit your vision and the overall experience.

Sometimes we get so obsessed with chasing after what we don't or can't have, that we fail to see what is right in front of us.  And, often, it's the people who love us.

Or, sometimes, we are so focused on the end-goal or finish line, that we fail to appreciate the process or the journey.

Movie reference:  Gardner was too focused on finding a way to see his mother's plot or finding his father, that he failed to appreciate Kendra, the person who stepped up to be "the mother he never had".

Both cliche, I know, but not less true.  Admit it.

Love takes chances and sacrifices.

Another cliche.
Although, sadly, not everyone is actually brave enough to take chances, I find, that most are strong enough to sacrifice for the sake of the beloved.

Love enables us to achieve the inconceivable.  May we love enough to become the positive change movers our world needs.

Movie references:  Tulsa took the chance to help and be with Gardner even though it did not make sense.
Gardner's father drove the plane/shuttle into outer space despite the possibility of him dying in the process (He has some weird-probably-fictional condition.  Don't ask me what it's called).

"Everything we need is in the quiet
So let's hide out deep inside it
And even if tomorrow doesn't hold on
At least, we have this one song"

- Ingrid Michaelson, Stay Right Where You Are

Stay Right Where You Are

Filter your filters.

It's become a norm for us to filter our thoughts for various reasons:

• To be politically correct
• To prevent hurting other people's feelings
• To dress up or dress down the truth
• Fear of rejection, disapproval or getting hurt
• Pride

Whatever the reason, we've become a society of filtered truths and it's damaging the most important and most fragile of God's gifts - relationships.  

"The Truth will set us free". Always. And, as the movie points out, the Truth will make us happy (eventually) ... even when, sometimes, it hurts at first.

Yes, not every single thing that pops into our heads need to be blurted out.  Some situations call for discretion and sensitivity. But never to the point of distorted truths and holding back affirmations.  Perhaps if we are more generous with affirmations, this world can become a much nicer and brighter (less suspicious) place to live in.

Movie reference:

"First of all, I'm not upset.  I'm uncomfortable.  There's a difference.  Secondly, people don't go around saying what they feel whenever they feel it.  They have guards and shields and ... other metaphors ... [Why?] Because we're all messed up and scared and trying to be something that we're not.  And if we all went around just declaring our innermost desires to the exact people we felt them for, then we'd all end up happy ... or something."

Hope floats.

Never underestimate the power of Hope.  You'll find, that, despite burying it under a mountain of cynicism, pessimism, tough acts and what have you, Hope floats.  It shines through.  And the minute that we acknowledge it and empower it, it makes us limitless.

Movie reference:
 "You act like you hate the world, Tulsa. It's all an act. The beautiful music you make gives you away."

Shine A Light

Jump Off Point

I saw this photo on the internet a couple of weeks ago and it made me crack up.

Then it made me think.

How many things and experiences have I foregone or put off because of constraints that are merely in my head?

So, I did the most rational thing to do at that point.  I texted my friend and our conversation went something like this ...

Me:  I want to hike.
Him:  You know I thought about that, too, this week.  I'm just worried you might not be ready yet.
Me:  I feel judged.
Him:  ...
Me:  I will never be ready. I can do more cardio ...
Him:  Ok.
Me:  I want to do more hikes.
Him:  Ok.

A couple of days later, we were booked for Mt. Batulao (via Trail Adventours).  And "Amazing" doesn't begin to describe the entire experience.  It served as my Jump Off Point.

For someone whose days are constantly running together, the hike was a good way to slow down and breathe (fresh air, no less!).  In between serious & senseless conversations and huffing & puffing, I got to do some thinking.  These were a few of my musings.

Darkness helps us appreciate the faintest light.  

This one is a reinforcement of what the banker astronomer (who brought his big telescope to CFA Family Camping) said the previous night, "I used to be afraid of the dark, but now I love the dark --- because I can see the stars better with it."  

Starting off our hike in the wee hours of that morning, I couldn't agree with him more. The scene was breathtaking:  on both sides, citylights as far as the eyes could see; and overhead, the stars shone brightly as if trying to outshine each other. I am still "killing" myself for not having the presence of mind to take a photo.  But, in a sense, it was a natural reaction.  The few minutes we had that view was not enough to soak in its grandeur.  Why waste those precious few seconds fishing out my phone?

The first few seconds of darkness is always heart-stopping.  But just sit (or stand) still, blink a couple of times and let the stars reveal themselves.  There will always be much much more than you thought there ever were; and some, you will realize, have always been visible but you have taken for granted when your suns blinded you.

In between Huffs & Puffs, Look Up!

There were times when the trail got particularly difficult.  I trudged on looking down, concentrating on the trail.  And then I heard someone, "Wow!".  I looked up towards the direction she was looking at and caught my breath.  We were on "top of the world" and the sun was starting to peek through the horizon.  I looked around me.  It was 360 degrees of picture-perfect view.  From then on, I resolved to stop focusing too much on the trail and instead enjoy the sights more.

So, in between your huffing and puffing, look up or you'll miss the amazing view!  It is, afterall, the entire point of the hike; the only way you can come out of  it richer from the experience vs. resentful and b!%@&ing about it.

Risk the Occasional Trips and Slip-ups for the Full Experience

Linked to the above point, I soon realized, that in order to appreciate the view, I had to occasionally look up from my furrowed-brow focus on the trail ... and risk tripping, slipping or even bumping onto the person in front (thankfully, it's often just my friend's backpack taking the hit).  What is the point of coming out unscathed if you didn't get to experience the climb fully, all senses engaged?  Besides, those moments can only result to:  comic relief, quick stops, icebreakers and new friends.

Giving Up is NOT An Option. NOPE.

Mt. Batulao is categorized as an easy hike suitable for beginners, so, when I asked our trail guide how many peaks we were going to, I nearly fell off the cliff when he calmly replied, "12".  Then he made a sweeping gesture across the mountain range, finishing with a flourish at the highest peak, "That's where we're going." Then he smiled broadly, clearly proud of himself.  And I silently screamed and fainted inside.  I looked back at where we came from, assessing my options.  There is no way a helicopter can pick me up.  Nope.  Giving up is NOT an option.

And, boy, am I glad I didn't!

Sometimes you find yourself on a forlorn-obviously-less-traveled path with no visible forks or detour.  If there is no other way, then keep at it.  You only know it's bad based on the few hundred meters you can see.  But that's not where the path ends ... so you don't really know if it's bad, do you?  When there are no turns, trust that you are on the right path.  Be patient.  Keep on.  You'll be amazed at where it will take you. (Believe me, I know!)

The Highest (and Best) Peak is the Hardest to Climb (Duh!)

We took a photo at Peak 1, after which, I said,  "Peak 1.  11 more to go.  Let's do this!".  An hour and 10 million years later, I said to no one in particular, "Uhm ... I wonder when we'll get to Peak 2.  I don't think we'll reach Peak 12 at this rate."  No one in particular replied to me ... even when I asked the same thing about another hour later.  Then we came to a series of steep climbs with ropes to help us pull ourselves up.  And just when I thought I'd used up my last ounce of strength (and breath), we broke through the summit.  It was 360 degrees of lush greens, clear blue sky, soft warm sun and cool gently playful wind.  "It was worth it" doesn't quite cut it.  It was fulfilling, exhilarating, liberating, all rolled into one.

Stretched. Expanded. It was a personal breakthrough which made me feel that nothing, absolutely nothing, is impossible or insurmountable.

Choose Your Company Well

Hiking and being in Nature's embrace is a soul activity for me.  It both silences me and makes me come alive.  The Mt. Batulao hike was my first major hike, so it was sort of a make or break thing for me.  That is why choosing the person I will share the experience with was critical.  These are my criteria:

• Someone who is enthusiastic and will make time to go on the same hike with me
• Someone I can trust my life with
• Someone I am comfortable to be around with in my own skin (stinky ugly and all)
• Someone who knows when to engage me and to give me space (Net, someone in whose company I can still have precious "Me" time)
• Someone who complements me, whose strengths compensate my weaknesses and vice versa
• Someone I work and partner well with, who can lead or follow as the situation calls for
• Someone who gets me; understands and knows how to deal with my quirks
• Someone who can be honest with me and whose honesty I value enough to accept
• Someone who knows when to push me and when to cut me some slack
• Someone who will stick with me till the end 

Him:  "I think we should take the trike from here"
Me:  "But we're almost there.  Let's go all the way!"

30 minutes and > 1 km of walking (or crawling) later

Me:  "Uhm ... I'm sorry.  I thought it was just a short distance."
Him:  "It's okay.  We're almost there."

Use Lip Balm with UV Protection (And put some on at the start of the trek)

I got a windburn.


It goes without saying, that the trek was a success.  I made it!  We're planning our next one already. And we promised to make time for at least one per quarter.  Like the true corporate slaves that we are, we even debriefed and noted down our learnings, so that we're better prepared for the next one.

Try it.  Take a hike!

Special thanks to St. Raphael, the Archangel, for the beautifully trek-perfect weather!

To La La Land and Back ... to Reality

So ... I finally got to watch "La La Land" which, according to my friends, is a movie that will resonate strongly with me.  And they were right.

These were the scenes which hit home and sent my overanalyzing brain into a state of frenzy.

A Lovely Night.  That scene where Sebastian walked with Mia while she looked for her car through an endless row of similar cars.  It was a regular harmless activity which slowly sparked something wonderful.  But they were both quick to write it off as a "complete waste of a lovely night".  These days it's hard to assume, when people are so casual about sex but guarded with their feelings.  Love is a rare commodity that demands the highest price of vulnerability.  And, heaven forbid, the first person to show vulnerability inevitably loses.  Would you gamble your innermost being for love?

Argument Over Surprise Dinner.  This was one of the most painful scenes, when, as an observer, you know they both love each other and you are helpless to keep them from spiraling. Communication between a man and a woman has always been tricky.  That's why the book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", is such a hit. Somehow we say one thing and it doesn't quite translate accurately. Or, perhaps, it's simply because we feel something strongly and are either too embarrassed or too proud to articulate it honestly.

"I'm Going Home HOME".  Working towards our dreams can be very challenging.  And, when the person you need the most to believe and support you falls short, there's no better place to lick your wounds than home. Home, where, stripped of all the masks, you are still loved completely.

"I'm Always Gonna Love You." That moment when she asks "Where are we?" and he responds with, "You have to follow your dream ... I am going to do my own thing ... We'll just have to wait and see."  When they say "I'm always gonna love you", you know a choice has been made and it's goodbye.  Sometimes you find someone who means a lot to you, but you're headed towards different directions; want completely different things out of life; cannot compromise the dreams that scream louder and are much more demanding than the heart.  So you let go ... even though you know in your heart that you're always gonna love this one person.  It's a choice you make and you live with.

To La La Land and Back ... in One Song.  That fated moment when Mia walks into Sebastian's jazz bar with her husband.  That heavy-chested moment when all composure must be kept in front of the audience and the unknowing husband.  That utterly sad piano piece when scenes from their what-could-have-been life flashed and passed between them.  That painful final note that pulled them back to their current reality.  (Damn!).  Regret is a bitter pill, especially when you come face-to-face with the unretractable implications of your choices.

The Final Look Back.  Mia stood up to leave and glanced back at Sebastian one last time.  The silent volumes that passed between them - the pained helpless look, transforming into resignation then forgiveness and goodbye. (Oh, such feels!).  There are things much harder to let go than the rest.  But it is for the best.

Reality, afterall, is much much different from La La Land.  Although that does not stop anyone from wishing and hoping for a Hollywood (or Disney Land) happy ending (happily ever after).

PS

Breathtakingly artful production design!

Her wardrobe is tasteful and classy ... and the colors perfectly complement the entire set. (I want those pieces!). 

Poetic Dose: My Faceless Series - Sad Songs

Sometimes I listen to
Beautifully heart-wrenching sad songs
And wish my heart broken
Crazy fool for tears

But then there is
The dream of you
Tugging at the seams of my heart
The possibility of you

So I smile
Or perhaps laugh
Crazy romantic fool for love
Stubborn fool for
   the slightest, remotest possibility of you.

Poetic Dose: Infinite Moment

Time folds over and moves in circles
Memories are wisps of colors and textures
And I am floating within and outside
All at once part and separate from it all.

Then, amidst this chaos, there is you
And that one infinite moment of your laughter
When your breath mingled with mine
And your warmth was my Sun.

One moment
And you
Lost
Yet eternal.

A Time to Be Rogue

Rogue is an adjective used to describe something or someone that is different from others in usually a dangerous or harmful way.

I am not a Star Wars geek, so I will not attempt to analyze how Rogue One fits into the overall Star Wars universe nor how it fared compared to all the other franchises.  If that's what you're looking for, you will do better talking to my son than reading this blog.

But, if you must know, I liked it.  Forget the there-but-not-quite-there hint of a love story between Jyn and Cassian.  Forget how awesome (and kind of sexy) Chirrut Imwe was.  Forget, too, the more elegant Sam-Frodo dynamics he had with Baze Malbus.  I enjoyed those bits, too.  But I liked it more because the movie was riddled with nuggets of wisdom that are relevant, timely (even urgent) and must be underlined.

There are 10 lines that struck me...

"Remember, whatever I do, I do it to protect you."

Every event is multifaceted, one facet for the perspective of each person involved.  Nobody truly knows the entire story until it is viewed and understood from each of those person's perspective. 

• Galen Erso was viewed as a defector by the rebellion when he became the Empire's lead Engineer for the Death Star. A mission was sent to kill him on site.  But, in truth, Galen Erso decided to take that critical role in order to build a weakness into the Death Star - which he communicated to the rebellion at the risk of his own life.
• For years, Jyn Erso harbored hurt against Saw Gerrera for abandoning her at age 16.  But Saw Gerrera did this to protect her, so that she is not linked to the rebellion and used to blackmail her father.  And, before doing so, he trained her. "You were already the best soldier in my cadre."

Often, when "bad" things happen to us, we only see the pain and negative impact. Sometimes we allow the pain to consume us, clouding over our perspective, that we fail to see the eventual good that comes from it.  During difficult times, "when we can't trace His hand," we need to hold fast and "trust His heart" - because, like any father, God tells us, "Remember, whatever I do, I do it to protect you."

"Congratulations.  You are being rescued. Please do not resist."
Contrary to what some people think, to be saved can be very painful that the first instinct is, understandably, to run away altogether.  But, because God loves us and we are important, He might resort to some drastic measures --- like hitting us hard, so that we stop long enough to realize what is happening.  Hopefully, after that, we are much more pliant. "Quiet!  And there's a fresh one if you mouth off again!"

"The Force is with me. I am one with the Force.  And I fear nothing, for all is as the Force wills it."
This one needs no further explanation.  Just switch "Force" with "God".  It's an effective mantra to calm one's spirit; to find strength during difficult times; to find the courage to follow God's will, especially when it's contrary to what your mind is telling you; to trust and hope in the face of impossibility.

"There are no Jedi here anymore, only dreamers, like this fool."
Preaching about God and introducing Him to people who do not know Him yet is not just the responsibility of priests and religious (Jedi).  We don't need a special title to tell the world about God and how He moves in our lives.  In this society/world of ambiguity and confusion, I dare you to be that foolish dreamer who will forge, unblinking, towards the clear path where the "Force" leads.

"The Force did protect me."  "I protected you."
"Goodluck!" "I don't need luck.  I have you."
God is efficient that way.  He moves people and uses them as instruments to do His will. And He does not discriminate. Sometimes He sends a believer; sometimes, an unbeliever.  Sometimes He sends YOU.

"You can stand to see the Imperial flag reign across the galaxy?"  "It's not a problem if you don't look up"
Pope Francis pointed it out many times, one of the greatest diseases of this generation is indifference. While technology has given us access to so much information, it has also desensitized us to the point of indifference and apathy.  What does not affect us directly, does not matter.  There is nothing wrong with it until it happens to us.  Or, sometimes, it is easy to feel involved without really getting involved.  If you haven't figured it out yet, liking or forwarding an article does not help.  Yes, it helps raise awareness. But what good is it in a universe of information where it is difficult to decipher fact from fabrication?

"I had orders!  Orders that I disobeyed!"  "You might as well be a stormtrooper."
God gave us the ability to perceive and evaluate things.  He also gave us free will.  May we always choose to do what our hearts say is right.

"You give way to an enemy this evil with this much power and you condemn the galaxy to an eternity of submission."  "The time to fight is now!"
There should be no dilly-dallying.  There is no small effort.  Every little effort adds up. Everyday we are faced with choices - right or wrong, big or small.  Everytime we choose to do what is right, no matter how small, we win a battle.

"... we'll take the next chance. And the next chance.  On and on until we win ... or the chances are spent."
Sometimes following God's will entails running into battle blindly with no plans other than taking one chance (He presents us) at a time. Just run with it.

"The strongest stars have hearts of kyber"
Hearts attuned to God are the strongest and bravest.  These are the ones most capable of going rogue when the times call for it.

Nobody, other than God, knows the full story or the Master Plan.  That is why, during these trying times, it is even more critical to stay attuned to Him through daily prayer meditation and reading of His Word.  Only in this way will we know what to do, when to do it.

To each one of us and to society as a whole ...

May the Force be with us when it is Time to be Rogue.

Every Road Leads Back

Moana is another beautiful departure from Disney's usual princess and damsels-in-distress theme. I'm happy to see this new trend in Disney animation. And Lin Manuel Miranda and his team are just the right people to lay out the music.  The music did not only set the background, but highlighted the theme in a profoundly resounding manner.

Three songs struck my core ...

How Far I'll Go

"I've been standing at the edge of the water

Long as I can remember
Never really knowing why
I wish I could be the perfect daughter
But I come back to the water
No matter how hard I try"

This reminds me of a discussion I had a year ago with our parish priest.  He said, that our generation is typically born into a role with a set of expectations.  

Pondering on this more, I realized it is true.  We had our lives laid out for us with everything planned out by our parents.  There is great focus on being the "perfect daughter" and doing what our parents think is best for us.  And there's nothing wrong with that.  Our parents have our best interests at heart and years of experience have made them truly wiser than us.  We do need their guidance. But, sometimes, because they want to protect us so much from failure and pain, they inevitably hold us back from forging our own paths.

"Every turn I take

Every trail I track
Every path I make
Every road leads back to the place I know
Where I cannot go
Where I long to be"

As a friend told me once, "there is order in the universe".  Life has a way of taking you right back to the right path.  You can run or hide from it, but God's plan for you will unfold.  And you will find yourself circling back to it, because there are things the heart knows much better than the mind.  Until you figure it out, you'll find your heart inexplicably drawn to it and circumstances will lead you right back to it ... over and over again.

"See the light where the sky meets the sea
It calls me
No one knows how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know
If I go there's just no telling how far I'll go"

One day, when you are ready, it will hit you and you will find the courage to finally go and find out "how far you'll go".   When you let go and allow it to take you, the journey itself will feel like coming home.

How Far I'll Go - Janella Salvador (PH)

How Far I'll Go - Tagalog Version

I Am Moana

"Sometimes the world seems against you

The journey may leave a scar
But scars can heal and reveal just
Where you are

The people you love will change you

The things you have learned will guide you"

There is no guarantee that, when we go and walk our path, things will be easy.  The failure which our parents are protecting us from can and will hit us at one point or another.  Failure, afterall, is what builds character and pushes us to do things we never knew we were capable of.

"And nothing on Earth can silence
The quiet voice still inside you
And when that voice starts to whisper ...

Do you know who you are?

I am everything I've learned and more
Still it calls me

And the call isn't out there at all
It's inside me
It's like the tide, always falling and rising
I will carry you here in my heart
You'll remind me
That come what may, I know the way
I am Moana!"

When it is most difficult, that is the time to stand back and listen to that inner voice - God's voice within us. It is there, always within reach, guiding us.  It will not be silenced.  It knows the way. 

I believe that God planted His plans in our hearts. During uncertain times, trust that His plans are deep inside you.  In the deepest parts of your heart, you'll always find the answer.  When it is needed, help will come.  He will send someone.  Everything will come into focus and you'll know the way.  Just keep praying.  Stay in touch with that inner voice which holds the blueprint of God's plans.

I Am Moana

Know Who You Are

"I have crossed the horizon to find you
I know your name
He may have stolen the heart from inside you
But this does not define you
This is not who you are
You know who you are"

Failure and pain, sometimes, have a way of truly breaking us, bringing out the worst in us.  We find ourselves in a swirl, spiraling downwards until we lose sight of who we are and where we are headed. I have found myself in such situations many times and, without fail, God finds me.  Sometimes He speaks in the silence.  Sometimes He sends someone. Whoever he or she is, that person will find the courage to walk in the midst of that spiral to remind me who I am; a lifeline who will pull me up.

When I am able to accept the failure and transcend the pain, that's when the growing happens and I find myself emerging into a better version of myself (an upgrade!).

On a side note ...

Never steal a woman's heart and break it. (Bad idea).

Te Fiti (a goddess with the power to create life - represented by a mountain) turning into Te Ka (a demon that causes infestation and death - manifested in fire and magma, a volcano) is the perfect representation of a woman who's heart is broken.  She becomes untrusting, protecting herself by keeping everyone else at bay through anger or indifference. (Nasty!).

Know Who You Are

Art from ScorpiusClark