"She's imperfect but she tries
She is good but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine."
(Sara Bareilles)
The first time I heard this song, I actually teared up. This is true for every woman. No matter what the profile is: funny or serious; creative or academic; career-oriented or homey, society and history have inevitably wired every woman to compete with her ideal image of herself - planted in her subconscious based on society's definition.. She lives through a daily barrage of criticisms from her worst critic - herself. And amidst all these is the underlying need and yearning to be "completely and irrevocably" loved.
At least, those are the two common factors among the 4 female characters that struck me.
So ... let's explore the stereotypes ... (I personally think there's a bit of all 4 girls in each of us)
Alice
Alice is your typical girl-next-door who was born specifically to fill-up a role - which she played out really well. She has lived her life doing what people think is best for her (or what would please them) and has defined herself based on that. She is a long-term relationship kind of girl, very adaptable and prone to losing her own identity within a relationship. She feels incomplete and, perhaps, even inadequate outside of one that she is anxious to jump from one relationship to another. While not in a relationship, she plans her life around it, anticipating and making provisions for a yet unidentified boyfriend (or husband).
Song: Love Song for No One (John Mayer)
Mantra: You complete me.
No. He doesn't. Check the mirror. You're already complete. Whether you're fully maximizing YOU is an entirely different discussion. But you're a work-in-progress. And it's a project between you and God. Everyone else is either a resource or a contributor.
Meg
Meg is the achiever who has her life all planned out ... and it includes no one else, but herself. She believes that one can achieve self-actualization by focusing on the self (elementary, my dear). In terms of relationships, she maintains a small set of family and friends. It's a healthy and thriving tiny circle of trust that rarely expands, mainly because her heart is highly breakable and she cannot trust it with just anyone.
"She had a heart the size of France, and the lucky few whom she loved with it were loved with every square inch - but its size made it dangerous, too. If she let it feel everything, she would be wrecked. So she had to tame it, shush it, shut it up." (Library of Souls, Ransom Riggs).
Song: Solo Dancing (Indiana)
Mantra: I am Superwoman.
Perhaps. They say "a man does not know what he wants until it is handed to him". It's true for some women, too. And, the funny thing is, "we work so hard to get rid of them when sometimes they're the very thing that saves us." (Conor's Mom, A Monster Calls). Loosen up and open that heart a crack. Who knows what wonderful things can wander in?
Lucy
Lucy is special. She is amazingly self-aware, idealistic and acutely aware of the realities of life - almost neurotic. She recognizes her needs and knows exactly what she wants. She wants a man who is perfect for her, based on her well-researched checklist that considers her strengths, weaknesses and goals. She goes through the entire getting-to-know phase mentally going through her checklist and eagle-eye spotting red flags (or anything remotely red, for that matter).
Song: Little Lou, Ugly Jack, Prophet John (Belle & Sebastian, Norah Jones)
Mantra: I'm not picky.
Yes, you are. You can't possibly need everything on that list. Determine the non-negotiables and allow everything else to be fluid - a proper balance of mind and heart. "Do not escape prematurely. Do not panic. There will be time'' (The Humans); lest "humans [you] fail to see what is close to them [you] and obvious to others." (The Rosie Project). Afterall, no one really knows what's best for you (not even you) but God.
Robin
And then there's Robin, who is living in the moment and open to what life will bring her - especially love. She is working and reveling on herself and life in general, so that when the right man comes at the right time and place, she will be ready. There will be no regrets and what-ifs - because she has not put her life on hold while waiting for "the One". She walks with "heart wide open".
Song: Dark Horse (Katy Perry)
Mantra: Life is like a box of chocolates. You'll never know what you're gonna get.
So just enjoy the chocolate. Relish it. If you get a bad one, it's fine. Pick up the next one. You've got an entire box, afterall.
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