An Appropriate Valentine's Day Movie: How To Be Single (Part 2)

"She's imperfect but she tries

She is good but she lies

She is hard on herself

She is broken and won't ask for help

She is messy but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up

And baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone but she used to be mine."

(Sara Bareilles)

The first time I heard this song, I actually teared up. This is true for every woman.  No matter what the profile is: funny or serious; creative or academic; career-oriented or homey, society and history have inevitably wired every woman to compete with her ideal image of herself - planted in her subconscious based on society's definition..  She lives through a daily barrage of criticisms from her worst critic - herself.  And amidst all these is the underlying need and yearning to be "completely and irrevocably" loved.

At least, those are the two common factors among the 4 female characters that struck me. 

So ... let's explore the stereotypes ... (I personally think there's a bit of all 4 girls in each of us)

Alice

Alice is your typical girl-next-door who was born specifically to fill-up a role - which she played out really well.  She has lived her life doing what people think is best for her (or what would please them) and has defined herself based on that.  She is a long-term relationship kind of girl, very adaptable and prone to losing her own identity within a relationship. She feels incomplete and, perhaps, even inadequate outside of one that she is anxious to jump from one relationship to another. While not in a relationship, she plans her life around it, anticipating and making provisions for a yet unidentified boyfriend (or husband).

Song:  Love Song for No One (John Mayer)

Mantra:  You complete me. 

No.  He doesn't. Check the mirror.  You're already complete.  Whether you're fully maximizing YOU is an entirely different discussion.  But you're a work-in-progress. And it's a project between you and God. Everyone else is either a resource or a contributor.

Meg

Meg is the achiever who has her life all planned out ... and it includes no one else, but herself.  She believes that one can achieve self-actualization by focusing on the self (elementary, my dear). In terms of relationships, she maintains a small set of family and friends.  It's a healthy and thriving tiny circle of trust that rarely expands, mainly because her heart is highly breakable and she cannot trust it with just anyone.

"She had a heart the size of France, and the lucky few whom she loved with it were loved with every square inch - but its size made it dangerous, too. If she let it feel everything, she would be wrecked.  So she had to tame it, shush it, shut it up." (Library of Souls, Ransom Riggs).

Song:  Solo Dancing (Indiana)

Mantra:  I am Superwoman.

Perhaps. They say "a man does not know what he wants until it is handed to him".  It's true for some women, too. And, the funny thing is, "we work so hard to get rid of them when sometimes they're the very thing that saves us." (Conor's Mom, A Monster Calls).  Loosen up and open that heart a crack.  Who knows what wonderful things can wander in?

Lucy

Lucy is special.  She is amazingly self-aware, idealistic and acutely aware of the realities of life - almost neurotic.  She recognizes her needs and knows exactly what she wants.  She wants a man who is perfect for her, based on her well-researched checklist that considers her strengths, weaknesses and goals.  She goes through the entire getting-to-know phase mentally going through her checklist and eagle-eye spotting red flags (or anything remotely red, for that matter).

Song:  Little Lou, Ugly Jack, Prophet John (Belle & Sebastian, Norah Jones)

Mantra:  I'm not picky.

Yes, you are.  You can't possibly need everything on that list. Determine the non-negotiables and allow everything else to be fluid - a proper balance of mind and heart. "Do not escape prematurely.  Do not panic.  There will be time'' (The Humans); lest "humans [you] fail to see what is close to them [you] and obvious to others." (The Rosie Project). Afterall, no one really knows what's best for you (not even you) but God. 

Robin

And then there's Robin, who is living in the moment and open to what life will bring her - especially love.  She is working and reveling on herself and life in general, so that when the right man comes at the right time and place, she will be ready.  There will be no regrets and what-ifs - because she has not put her life on hold while waiting for "the One".  She walks with "heart wide open".

Song:  Dark Horse (Katy Perry)

Mantra:  Life is like a box of chocolates.  You'll never know what you're gonna get.

So just enjoy the chocolate.  Relish it.  If you get a bad one, it's fine.  Pick up the next one.  You've got an entire box, afterall.

An Appropriate Valentine's Day Movie: How To Be Single (Part I)

"All the single ladies;

All the single ladies

All the single ladies

All the single ladies

Now put your hands up!

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh"

For Valentine's Day this year, my sister and I thought we'd do something we really wanted; something a bit rebellious and bold ... so we blocked our calendars to watch "Deadpool" (What? It's rebellious ... sort of).  

Valentine's Day rolls in and we strut to the ticket booth.  Sold Out.  But we're there already, so we might as well watch a movie.  We go through the movies showing and there's nothing interesting, save for one:  "How To Be Single".  Wonderful.  God is mocking us. 

As we walked into the theater, the crowd consisted of couples who did not make it to the "Deadpool" showing.  I had to suppress a chuckle as I thought,  "How appropriate."  

The movie did not disappoint.  It was quirky funny in true Rebel Wilson fashion and, surprisingly, insightful - mostly because it was totally relatable.

On the ride home, we talked about who our Toms, Davids or Joshes are, sending us giggling back down memory lane.  But those are stories for another day. Let's talk about the male stereotypes.

Josh

Josh is the boy you've known all your life.  He knows all your little quirks and the perks that go with them. He understands you and you understand him.  It's so hard to imagine life without him.  In so many ways, he feels a lot like a security blanket:  familiar, dependable, cozy and comfortable.  Sometimes the familiarity can get boring.  Sometimes you yearn for it like home.

It would be good to find your Josh at the right time, when you're ready ... and he is ready.  Otherwise, one or both will feel the need to explore, "see what's out there" and understand "what I'm missing". You start out, planning (and secure in the thought) to come back.  Sometimes it works out and you resume to walk the road together, confident and sure-footed.  

But then, sometimes, life happens and, when you circle back, you find yourselves face-to-face with a very familiar stranger.

Tom

Tom is the guy you find extremely attractive and you feel amazing chemistry with.   So does every other girl.  He is acutely aware of this and has made a science out of allocating his time among a menu of girls:  a girl for every occasion. He is a self-confessed non-relationship type of guy, ready to have fun within your imagined parameters.  To be fair, he is honest and upfront.  But women are inherently given to hearing only what they want to hear; and prone to disillusions of being the one who will tame his rogue heart.  And, so, they choose to remain on the menu.

The thing is, Tom would make a great partner - with his ability to tune in and a keen understanding of the female psyche - IF and WHEN he decides to.  

Don't hold your breath for it.

David

David is the guy who checks out against every item in your checklist ... but he is not ready for you right now. It can be an old flame, a career goal, family, etc.  Whatever or whoever it is, you are not the priority at the moment.  To compete is futile.  

Abort!

Perhaps in the future, when the timing is perfect and you're both ready, you can pick up from where you left off.  Perhaps.

Paul

Paul is the fluke.  He's the one who seems perfect at the onset.  You throw yourself full throttle into the relationship only to realize that you're heading towards opposite directions; that you had stars in your eyes which prevented you from seeing HIM; that the differences are not complementary; that the little things are not little and they actually add up substantially.

Cut your losses.  

Brush yourself off and try again.

Ken

Ken is the unlikely choice, who turns out to be the one.  He's the one who will make you think twice about judging a book by its cover. (Hehe!).  He will seem like the opposite of almost everything in your checklist; the misfit.  You vehemently shake your head, No.  But he stays (patiently hopeful and annoyingly persistent) and creeps under your skin.  Next thing you know, you notice the nuances that highlight who he is and he becomes just a little bit more adorable each day.

So you give in - kicking and screaming.

For heaven's sake, let go already!

George

Then there's George.  He could be any of the first 4 or someone completely different, who turned out to be the one.  He was at the right place, at the right time; had the minimum requirements (the non-negotiables, duh!) or the full criteria; shares the same wavelength or, at least, catches your drift; had the intent, acted on it and committed to it (all the way, baby!).

He is ready.

And so are you.

Reflection on Readings: The Necessity of Walking Blindfolded

Wednesday's readings touched on the interesting relationship among faith, prayer, God's answer and giving.

1st Reading

 Acts 3:1-10

"... a man crippled from birth was carried and placed at the gate of the temple called “the Beautiful Gate” every day to beg for alms from the people who entered the temple. When he saw Peter and John about to go into the temple, he asked for alms. But Peter looked intently at him, as did John, and said, “Look at us.” He paid attention to them, expecting to receive something from them. Peter said, “I have neither silver nor gold, but what I do have I give you: in the name of Jesus Christ the Nazorean, rise and walk.”

1. When praying, we fall into the habit of focusing heavily on the material need (he asked for alms) vs. what we truly need.  
2. Sometimes we don't know what we need.  Thankfully, God does.
3. When we know what we need, but doubt its possibility, sometimes we tailor our prayer to just what is logically possible.  We forget that nothing is impossible with God.  We should not confine our prayers to the limits of our capabilities but to God's - and God's capabilities are boundless!
4. Giving is a gift.  If you have the capacity and the prompting to give, no matter how insignificant the offering or how odd the circumstances, give.  What you have to offer might exactly be what the person needs. (“I have neither silver nor gold, but what I do have I give you: in the name of Jesus Christ the Nazorean, rise and walk.”) I recall a story my mom told us when we were younger.  She was praying at the Blessed Sacrament one evening and there was another lady there who was crying.  She did not know who this person was nor why she was crying.  But something inside her prompted her to give a small amount, which was all she could afford.  At the risk of insulting the lady (she didn't look like she needed money), my mom got up and gave her small offering.  Seeing what she gave, the lady broke down all the more.  As it turned out, she could barely make ends meet and needed money at that moment to buy food.  What my mom gave was enough to tide them over.  Needless to say, they became good friends after that.
5. God's answers can come through unexpected people and sometimes comes when you least expect it. 

Gospel

 Luke 24:13-35

"Jesus himself drew near and walked with them, but their eyes were prevented from recognizing him."

"With that their eyes were opened and they recognized him, but he vanished from their sight. Then they said to each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he spoke to us on the way and opened the Scriptures to us?”

"So they set out at once and returned to Jerusalem where they found gathered together the Eleven and those with them who were saying, “The Lord has truly been raised and has appeared to Simon!” Then the two recounted what had taken place on the way and how he was made known to them in the breaking of the bread. "

What struck me about the first line is that "their eyes were prevented from recognizing him".  Not knowing who Jesus was enabled them to experience the walk with him more fully, unfiltered. Instead of their usual teacher-student relationship where they mostly waited for and listened to Jesus' explanations, the conversation became more interactive.  They were able to discuss in more depth and they were more receptive and open.

Taking this passage in daily ordinary context ...

Every person we meet, we meet for a reason.  The same is true for every situation we go through.  We do not know this at the onset, but it unfolds as we walk with them/it.

1. Keep the blindfold on.  No expectations.  That's the only way you can experience it fully.  You do not always have to know why or to understand the point.  
2. Just run with it.  The point is, you have to go through it to get the point.  Get it?
3. The heart knows: when to keep going and when to stop; when it is right and when it is not.  If it is God's will, the "heart [will be] burning within us".
4. It can end in a blink of an eye.  So be in the moment. Be with whoever you are walking with.
5. Keep it burning.  When it ends, take the good.  (There is ALWAYS something good). Keep it burning, so you can use it to ...
6. Light up another soul.