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| Photo By: Ryan B. |
"Some are incapable of marriage because they were born so; some, because they were made so by others; some, because they have renounced marriage for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven. Whoever can accept this ought to accept it."
This is an actual quote from the Bible - Matthew 19:12, to be exact. The final verse for the August 16th Gospel reading. I don't know about you, but, in all the years I've been hearing the passage on divorce, this is the first time it went on until this verse. And it blew my mind how Jesus' understanding of humanity is so intimate; or how this simple verse can be so liberating.
Sad as it is, we grew up (and still live) in a society that puts a premium on marriage; like it's the sole reason we exist. If you don't get married, then, likely, it's because you're giving it up for a much higher purpose of servitude to God and mankind --- as a religious. But, if you're neither married nor a religious, then ... you, poor thing! What a tragedy!
Forget that you look (and actually are) happy and content ... everyone just naturally assumes you're lonely. People look at you as if you got the short end of the deal; or that there must be something wrong with you.
But, what if, you really are just not born with the right disposition for marriage? Imagine getting married and living such a miserable life. It would be unfair to you, your spouse, and (heaven forbid!) your children. What if your experiences, thus far, have led to a different point of view, set of priorities or goals? What if you're broken and are on the road to self-healing? What if now is just not the right time?
In the same way we were forced into universal standards on education and IQ definition, society has imposed on us the same life cycle: Be born, be an adorable toddler, grow up, get educated, fall in love, get married, have kids, have grandchildren, die. While it is a common cycle, there is no law, written or otherwise, to follow the sequence; neither is it a check-the-box list requiring everyone to go through all these life phases. This expectation has been so ingrained in all of us, that most people who are unable to follow the "natural order" of things feel like such failures. And society is just as unforgiving in reinforcing that.
Shame on all of us! No wonder so many people are depressed and killing themselves.
Expectations do not only poison relationships but also society. It is time we lay off each other's businesses and respect each other's journey and pace. Remember, what works for you may not necessarily work for others. No two persons are the same, so why do we expect these "norms" to be one-size-fits-all? Everyone is doing their best within the parameters of their circumstances and grace. So, instead of judging, let's strive to give others the same understanding and consideration we hope (and deserve) to get. Lend a helping hand and throw in a prayer, while you're at it. It's good for you. 😉
#ChooseKind
