Reflection on Readings: The Lover and The Beloved - Part 2

I told myself that if I do get married I would not use the reading:  Ephesians 5:21-32.  Other than it's so overused, I did not like the "Wives should be subordinate to their husbands" bit.  Last Sunday's homily by Fr. Chris changed all that.  And I'm sharing his perspective as a campaign against the traditional views on husband and wife dynamics.

Goals of Marriage

1. Unitive.  The husband and wife become united; one flesh.
2. Procreate.  Give birth (by birth or by heart) to the ultimate expression of their love.
3. Heaven.  (1) To create a loving environment that mirrors heaven on earth; (2) To lead each other (and the entire family) to heaven (i.e. be good influences to each other!).

Roles & Responsibilities

The HEAD - leads

God the Father (in the Holy Trinity)

Jesus (in relation to the Church)

Husband

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her 26 to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, 27 that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church...

The relationship between husband and wife should mirror Christ's relationship with the Church. Jesus worked and sacrificed Himself - to the point of laying down His life - for the Church. That is how much He loved the Church.  That is how much a husband should love his wife.

Jesus led the Church in the path to righteousness and safeguarded her.  He did so by following the Will of the Father.  In a marriage, the husband should "lead by listening to the music of the Gospel".

The HEART - follows

God the Son (in the Holy Trinity)

Church (in relation to Jesus)

Wife

22 Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. 24 As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.

"Submission brings freedom because it brings trust and peace in the home." (Fr. Chris)

By virtue of his position, the husband's role is to lead the family - irrespective of talents, capabilities, resources, etc. The wife should step back and allow the husband to lead.  Of course, if he fails to or chooses not to, then she can, by all means, step in.

Picture the Holy Family:  Jesus, Mary, Joseph. That is the order of importance in Church history, meaning Joseph is the least prominent.  And yet he is the head of the Holy Family - both Jesus and Mary were subordinate to him and followed where he led (and, boy, did he take them places!).

Equality Does Not Mean Similarity

"Leading & Following are different, equal and reciprocal roles"  This, to me, is Fr. Chris' most powerful statement.  It shows the partnership between husband and wife and underlines the importance of both roles.

Picture dance partners on the dance floor.  The most beautiful and seamless dance numbers are those where the man leads confidently and the woman, in full trust, allows herself to be led. 

Is one above the other?  No.  Both are important.  But a dance would have been a disaster if both were leading or both were following. They are equally important, but they play different roles.  

To promote equality, then, is not to brand one role as being above the other, but to celebrate and revel in our differences.

Reflection on Readings: The Lover and The Beloved - Part 1

22Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. 24 As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her 26 to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, 27 that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church.

(August 23 2nd Reading:  Ephesians 5:21-32)

This is one of the commonly-used readings during weddings and one that is often misconstrued or incompletely understood.  Incompletely - because we often get stuck on just the first part and forget the second part, losing its full context and meaning.  Last Sunday, Fr. Chris, from The Divine Mercy Shrine in Massachusetts, peeled the rich text's multiple layers and facets.

Parallelisms

Jesus + Church

Husband + Wife

Lover + Beloved  

All love stories begin with a lover who finds a beloved, woos her, proves his love for her, she reciprocates and they get married. It becomes a happy ever after if they stick to the formula provided in the reading.  But, the point is, it begins with a lover who loves first and keeps on loving at all costs.

Lover + Beloved = Love

God the Father + God the Son = God the Holy Spirit

Joseph + Mary = Jesus

Husband + Wife = Child/ren

In the beginning was God the Father who loves His Son.  Their love for each other was so great, that it took the form of the Third Person in the Holy Trinity - the Holy Spirit.  So, too, a child is born (whether from the body or from the heart) out of the love between husband and wife.  The child is the embodiment of that love.

Order of Priorities

Fr. Chris aptly points out that we have become a child-centric society with our order of priorities as follows: (1) Child/ren; (2) Spouse; (3) God.  But it should be:  (1) God; (2) Spouse; (3) Child/ren,

Love God above all else. It's the first and most important commandment, not because God is a proud and vain god, but because loving Him enables us to see others and ourselves the way He does; and to love in His fashion: selflessly and purely.

Love your spouse ... because you are ONE.  "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." Brother Bo said in one of his posts, "I believe that the best way a husband can love his children is to love their mother. And the best way a mother can love her children is to love their father."  And I agree because in loving each other, a husband and wife provides their children with the security of a loving and solid home.

Then love your child. (No elaboration needed).

Bigger Bear Series: Plans and Serendipity

The past couple of weeks had been horrendously busy.  It seemed all my deliverables (work and home) had a secret meeting and decided to pounce on me all at the same time, each demanding for my full attention. And I was helpless in the knowledge that all are urgent and important.  I may have missed the resolution to this situation in Covey's training.  What I would give for a clone - or two - then.

Business trips usually meant more work for me.  But, given the situation, the planned trip turned out to be a welcome respite. I wanted to fully leverage on the trip to the US ... as it does not seem that I will pass this way again anytime soon.  Thus, I planned to meet a number of friends.

I spent my first night with a very dear friend, chatting away till close to midnight.  In the morning, we decided to play it by ear.  And spent the morning and afternoon enjoying each other's company and doing stuff we like doing most:  eating and shopping.  

One particular friend I wanted so badly to meet suddenly couldn't make it. Right at that moment, I got
an email from a friend I hadn't seen in 20+ years.  Apparently, she had been living for a couple of years now in the city I was headed to.  What are the odds?!

And, though we both had other plans for the weekend, we managed to switch things around to open up a good amount of quality time together.  Honestly, it felt like all the stars aligned for us to reconnect and reminisce.

We started with Mass at a church where the Deacon was a Filipino AND ex-P&G associate director, who chatted with us, making an instant connection. (Again.  What are the odds?!) Then we spent the early part of the evening digging through boxes and boxes of pictures, while talking nonstop. All the years simply melted away.  Then we closed it with an impromptu birthday celebration for me, since I didn't have the chance to properly celebrate it with everything going on.

So much serendipitous events in just one weekend!  Once again, God reinforced that when things don't go as I planned, they are going as He planned ... and it is, without a doubt, much better than mine. Always.