Bigger Bear Series: Que Sera Sera

For the APEC long weekend (Nov 18-22), the Sagada Crew planned to go on an island-hopping-food-tripping holiday in the neighboring provinces of Bohol-Dumaguete-Syquijor.  All necessary arrangements were made months before.

Then the government decided to cancel flights.

We weren't deterred.  We were able to book for the 19th.  What's one day?  But, then, that flight was cancelled as well.  A couple of days before the schedule.

But, because we all needed the break, we soldiered on and decided to drive all the way to Caramoan, Bicol. As Elmer said, "No one (and nothing) can stop us." Surprisingly and thankfully, all arrangements just fell into place ... at the last minute (Great work, Ina!).

Nothing happened as we originally planned.

But our holiday pulled through on time.  And it turned out much better than we ever planned and hoped for.  Significant personal milestones and memories unfolded for each one of us.  We all came out of it blessed ... and beautifully changed, somehow.

Que sera sera ... thank God!  (His will WILL happen. At the right time. ALWAYS.)

Bigger Bear Series: Schedules vs. Spontaneity

I like plans and schedules.  They keep my life in order with everything that needs to be accomplished in the different compartments of my life. They also cause me the most stress. When things don't go as planned, I feel my self-imposed pressure closing in on me. Heaven help the person next to me when the monster is unleashed. (A's typical response to that:  "Mom, I think you need coffee".  It works in much the same way as the Black Widow's lullaby to let the Hulk sleep and wake up Bruce).  I must admit, letting go is a lesson I continue to struggle with.

Last Friday A asked me what my plans were for the weekend.  I almost panicked at the realization that I had not planned anything at all ... until I realized it meant being able to catch-up on sleep and household chores ... finally!

Yesterday, after taking care of all the chores (well, most), we planned to have dinner and then catch a movie. We didn't get to watch a movie, but we did get to enjoy a long dinner and brainstorm on our life dreams over dessert and tea latte.  The past weeks had been a whirlwind with hardly room for breathing.  It was great to just sit together and talk without worrying about schedules.

Today we planned to go to the 5 pm Mass. That did not pan out, so we went to the 6:30 pm Mass instead.  I'm glad we did, because it was our friend priest who presided and his homily was beautiful.  God even threw in a couple of eye candies for me and my sister.

Overall, the schedule-free weekend turned out to be the best weekend I've had in the past couple of months.

Thinking about it now, I realized, that the schedules per se do not cause the stress.  It is how the schedules are organized.  In this day and age when technology allows us to do things a lot faster and more efficiently, you'd think we would have more time to do the important things.  But we don't. Instead of carving out time to spend with the people we love, we squeeze in more tasks. It has become an endless race to do more and achieve more.  

I am no stranger to this.  In fact, I am right smack in the middle of this swirl.  In my struggle to balance everything, I sometimes take for granted the most basic needs of my most critical partner:  myself.  

We are time-bound and we need to make full and good use of what little time we have.  True.  It is our duty to be the best of what God had intended us to be. True.  But "best version" does not necessarily mean to be "great" by current social definition.  It means making a positive difference in the lives (and the environment) God had entrusted us with - whether that's your immediate family, your community, your country or the world is between you and God.  But it's the lives (including yours) that matter, not the tasks.  And lives cannot be scheduled.  For one thing, nothing ever happens exactly as planned.  No.  Lives, I find, unfold more beautifully when spontaneous.

I Am Becoming Jane

I was finally able to watch "Becoming Jane", after almost a year in my hard drive (thanks, Robin!).  And, I realized, I am becoming Jane.

In the movie, having found out about Mr. Weasley's marriage proposal to Jane, Tom Lefroy asks her, "How can you dispose of yourself without affection?"  She replies, "How can I dispose myself with it?  You're leaving tomorrow."

She hang on to her ideals, I suppose.  Not finding, or unable to marry, the love of her life, she never married.

"I can see that you cannot bring yourself to marry without affection ... nor with it.  I respect you for that and share your opinion ... neither can I.  I'd always hoped to win your love in time. But I am vain enough to want to be loved myself rather than my money." (Mr. Weasley)

Whether reading her novels have molded me into becoming Jane; or we are merely very similar to begin with, that I could perfectly relate with her characters, I realized, Jane and her novels may very well have doomed me to a life of spinsterhood.

Looking at it more closely, while "Pride & Prejudice" is every woman's childhood fairytale (Oh, Mr. Darcy!), "Sense & Sensibility" hits closer to home. I find myself to be a mixture of Elinor and Marianne Dashwood - oftentimes sensible with painfully calculated displays of emotion, while passionately (perhaps even childishly) believing in the magic of "true love" that lasts forever.

In terms of Mr. Right, doesn't every woman, at one point, want the kind of passionate love Mr. Willoughby offers?  The kind of love that knows immediately, with certainty, and plunges recklessly head-on, in full-throttle. Sadly, it is also, often, the kind that proves unsustainable, running out of gas too soon.  After the initial high, it sputters to a grinding halt once reality sets in.

Then we realize, that what we truly need is the sensible, devoted kind of love that Colonel Brandon offers.  The kind of love that is founded on a true understanding of and respect for the other person. It steadily and quietly grows, unrushed, without prodding - sometimes, in secret; until it reveals itself, deliberately and firmly. By then, there is no question about it.  Love becomes a decision one makes with a peaceful, joyful and (fully-justified) hopeful heart.

"Sometimes affection is a shy flower that takes time to blossom." (Mr. Weasley)

If only we have the luxury of Time.  And, yet, Time is bendable ... and expandable.  Who has not experienced forever in a heartbeat?  Time, afterall, is what you make of it and who you spend it with.