When The Half Of It Is Actually Brimming

Image from Internet

This post is a month delayed, but I hope the delay helped to distill vs. lose the meaning and original intent. In a sense, it is also perfectly timed.  Afterall, it is my son's 15th birthday today and he is the half who filled my life to brimming.

For those who do not know, my son is in the spectrum (in several, actually) and the best medium to explain the intricacies of social interactions to him is visual stories -- movies, especially. 

Alice Wu's "The Half Of It" could not have come at a more opportune time.  It deals with very relevant and sensitive teenage themes of love, family and sexuality; told in an artistically simple way that is both very accessible and relatable.  I remember being grateful for Alice's storytelling style as I watched my son, intently following the story of the 3 lead characters ... and getting it.  It's a rich resource that I would likely go back to frequently (I know I have already started referencing it in our talks the past couple of weeks) as I help my son maneuver through teenage life.

We had a good hour of a fully engaged debriefing and processing, that closed with both of us writing on our journals.  I don't know what finally ended up in my son's journal, but these are the things we talked about:

There are many forms of love and, although they are not all romantic, they are all beautiful.

At the beginning of the movie, the narrative specifically says, "In case you haven't guessed, this is not a love story.  Or not one where anyone gets what they want." But, I believe, it is.  The movie lays out the different kinds of love without pitting them against each other.  There is not one form of love that eclipses the others ... because, really, all forms are essential to our existence.

1. The love between parents and children. I appreciate how Alice weaved different family dynamics into the story:  crazy big family, single-parent single child, conservative, liberal.  And, not one of them was painted as "bad".  They are all valid and normal, just different from each other.  Parents and children have very unique dynamics, depending on their situations. But their ways of expressing love, although different, are all valid and true.  Whatever their actions and reactions, at the heart of it is love.  
2. The love between friends. The friendship between Ellie and Paul seemed unlikely.  Afterall, they are from very different sectors of the teenage spectrum.  She is the cerebral no nonsense straight A student.  He is a football jock who, although not academically inclined, is emotionally in-touch and a passionate cook.  Their friendship grew out of a deeper understanding of and respect for each other, despite their differences.
3. The blossoming love between lovers.  There is nothing more thrilling than connecting with someone who gets you and, yet, allows you to be and explore who you are.  You don't have to be absolutely the same in everything, but you have that magical space where you overlap and click. (Stress on the value of taking the time to get to know each other without pressures or expectations).
4. The love of self.  The movie developed with each lead character gaining a better understanding or discovering who they really are, acknowledging that and embracing it.

My favorite is the love between Ellie and Paul. It's also the form that, although it can last for years, tends to be underrated and misunderstood.

There are many ways of loving.

Paul:  "I always thought there was one way to love.  One right way.  But there are more ... so many more than I knew.  And I never want to be the guy who stops loving someone for loving the way that they want to love."

I grew up Catholic.  I always thought "catholic" was just a term to distinguish the kind of Christians we are.  In college, I learned in Theology class that "catholic" actually means "universal".  I thought, that made sense ... because that is exactly the kind of love that Jesus preached:  no judgement, no boundaries, loving the person in all his/her frail imperfect beauty.

There is value and reason to our individuality.

Ellie:  "The good thing about being different is no one expects you to be like them.  People don't see what they are not looking for."

Aster:  "So I'm like a lot of people, which makes me kind of no one."

A lot of teenagers, especially in this age of social media, struggle with the "need" for constant affirmation, equating their worth to the "likes" on their posts.  As a result, they do [post] things that they think people will approve of; or whatever is trending.  And their authentic selves get lost amidst the pomp and  [virtual] applause.

The movie showed the beauty of each character's individuality, highlighting each of their strengths and how they are complementary.  There was not one better than the other.  They all helped each other discover and appreciate their gifts; and to recognize and deal with their weaknesses.  

Through the years, I noticed how God sends me things/people/situations exactly when I need them.  "The Half Of It" is definitely one of those things.  It was a conversation starter for a conversation my son and I needed to have. ("... because when the time comes, the Holy Spirit will teach you what you should say." - Luke !2:12).

Lastly, it was refreshing to find a story/movie that gave you that same giddy happy ending feeling even when it closed with letting go.  Afterall, the unspoken clauses connected to "I love you" are:

• wherever you are
• whoever you are now
• whoever you are growing into 
• however you need to be loved
• even when you don't need me anymore