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| Art by: Louie Artista |
i'm still here
i'm still here
where you left me
where the sun refuses to shine
and the air is scarce;
where the pain is all mine
and wounds don't turn into scars.
i'm still here
i'm still here
waiting
broken
barely breathing
where you left me
where you can never come back.
***
La Nina
Days soaking in rain from
My inexhaustible raincloud heart
There is no reprieve for
My bleeding soul
I will walk through
A lifetime of La Nina
Until my feet takes me
Towards your voice
finally calling me home.
***
I am
floating in a sunless universe.
***
Moon Rising
Slowly rising above the dark clouds
Upon this sliver of light that is only you.
***
She woke up,
gasping for breath;
And, yet,
she was never asleep.
No. There is no waking from this dream.
***
(My version of "Asleep In My Heart")
If I could have but one more day,
we'd walk again our favorite way,
Mom and son together as before,
eating out, watching movies and more.
No pillows to throw, no plate to fill,
your artworks unfinished, your books lay still,
no welcome kiss and hug, no peaceful snore,
an empty trandel bed upon the floor.
If I could hold you once again,
I'd kiss your head, I'd call your name,
I'd whisper gently as we part,
You're safe, asleep within my heart.
***
Here
In the most secret chamber of my heart
Where darkness surrounds
My barely breathing light
I cry out to You
to Your humanity
In love anguished;
a heart heavy with loss
I cry out to You
to Your divinity
In faith tormented;
a soul lost to wandering
Here
In the most secret chamber of my heart,
Where darkness trembles
For You to set me back on fire.
I wait for You.
***
You breathed life to my heart
and gave it wings.
It soared.
Then it plummeted, crashing,
the day your soul took flight.
***
... It could have eaten other gods.
Instead it ate my Sun.
And thoughtfully left behind a gift.
I carry it with me everywhere and always.
Grief.
***
My soul is bleeding in parts I never knew existed.
(I was going to give this boy all of me, down to my very stump)
***
Tonight I went through the walls of my room;
Everything he owned, used, touched, held, made;
All the mess;
All the things that screamed,
" I was here!"
I touched all of them,
Feeling as though I was grasping sand;
And I had to comfort myself, repeating,
"It was real. He was here.
And he loved you."
***
When the flurry of the 1st Christmas settled to silence,
Grief spilled over.
I walk the corridors of my heart
I hear the loud echoing emptiness
There is nothing here, it screams
Not even a whisper --- of you.
*
Do not be silent nor turn away.
Talk about him.
I want you to remember with me.
It's my only proof
that it wasn't all just a dream.
*
Everyone goes on living,
While I keep dying inside.
*
You were oxygen to my heart
Water for my parched soul
Now, I can't breathe!
*
Outside my window,
a sliver of light
As I rock myself
to the rhythm of my sobs
Praying for sleep.
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| Art by: Louie Artista |
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