Stars In My Sky

Borrowed from the Internet

 Chasing Stars (v2)

darkness engulfs the vast sky

just moments after the sun's parade;

and it grows with every heartbeat

until the emptiness seems absolute;

the pain, wrenching,

from a beloved irrevocably lost;

then, with a blink, pinpricks of light ---

they appear in silent succession;

the constricting darkness gives way to

a boundless bejeweled sky;

and I --- I fall into its quiet embrace

of endless possibilities;

this is where I will remain,

embracing the darkness, chasing stars;

as I await the promise

of my inevitable new dawn.

When my son passed away, it felt a lot like a supernova event that quickly evolved into a black hole; and, for a time, I was just floating in that void.  It was like being under water, almost like drowning.  You hear distant muffled sounds, voices; you feel the burning in your lungs demanding for air; you flail your arms and legs and yet you can't break water.

I feel its tug under the current

I close my eyes in surrender

And then I hear a thousand whispers

Prayers echoing in the darkness

Until the lightness embraced me

And I emerged just above these high waters.

That is why I feel compelled to say "thank you" to all those pinpricks of light that broke through my absolute darkness.

• Satellites.  I have 3:  G, P and Jack.  They get me out of bed.  Without them, I probably would not have emerged from my room. In many ways, they seem to reflect back some of my son's light while he was with us. 
• Asteroid Belt (Yeah, maybe not exactly shining at night).  These are my family and close friends who formed an asteroid belt around me, so that I won't float away and get completely lost in space.  They are an endless fountain of strength for me even though I know they are grieving, too.
• Venuses.  These are my sisters in grief.  It brings me tremendous comfort having them with me, sharing the journey with people who know exactly how I feel.
• Shooting Stars.  These are the friends (mine and Anton's) who pass by every now and then, shooting by my dark sky and lighting it up -- even for just a moment.
• Distant Stars.  The constant friends, who, although they don't prod the topic, find ways to shine their love and light my way, especially through prayer bouquets. 

It has not been easy.  Often, grief is a lonely journey and sometimes it feels more comfortable than actually moving forward.  I am grateful that God had planned this so perfectly, providing me with just the right support to patiently and lovingly push (and pull) me forward.

Thank you!  You know who you are 😊

I wake up to dusk

Melancholy claims me

As daylight fades into darkness.

I curl up in its embrace

Not wanting to get up

Safe in the cocoon of my sadness.

Then I hear a distant bell ringing

Time for family Mass

Time to go back to the living.