Mary's Song (For Mama)

It's been 30 minutes and I am still staring at an empty page.  How does one begin to give tribute to someone who has lifted you up and broken your heart so many times?

I suppose, "Breath of Heaven" (Mary's Song), is a good place to start.  Afterall, Mary is the one she tries to emulate and the one she runs to in times of need or weakness.

"I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary with a babe inside
And I wonder what I've done
Holy father you have come
And chosen me now to carry your son."

The hesitant servant, who not only feels unworthy but also second-guesses her capability to deliver against the tasks and roles God had commissioned her to take.

Yet she submits and accepts.

"I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear ...

Be with me now"

The times she choose to be silent, therein I find her formidable strength. Prayer.

"Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holiness
For you are holy
Breath of heaven"

Those are the times she is most humble.  And, in her littleness, God shows His greatness.

"Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me"

I have never seen anyone so scared and so unsure of herself ... who, nevertheless, pushes forward as relentlessly as her. Devoid of faith in herself, but full of faith in Him, she carries on, always obedient.

I have never known anyone so generous, who gives even out of her own need; and to people who fail to recognize her efforts and sacrifices.  I used to find it foolish.  Why would one knowingly give her only bread as she is about to partake it?

Yet, for all the times she gave in blind obedience, God gave back ... faithfully. 

Ma, I know you always saw me as the strong and stubborn one.  But, really, it is you. (Although in your case, you're stubbornly obedient to His will; and I'm just plain stubborn). In your quiet strength, I find my own.  In your humility, I am humbled.  In your faith, I have faith.

For all the times you lifted me up - as my cheerer or prayer warrior; and for all the times you broke my heart - so painfully blind to your own strengths and worth ... THANK YOU!

I hope to be even just a third of the mother/woman that you are.  It is an honor and blessing to be your daughter.

I love you!

P.S.  Thank you for the impromptu bonding opportunity last Monday!