Poetic Dose: Chasing Stars

chasing stars

darkness engulfs the vast sky

just moments after the sun's parade;

and, for a heartbeat,

the emptiness seems absolute;

the pain, wrenching, as if

from love irrevocably lost;

then, with a blink, pinpricks of light ---

they appear in silent succession;

the constricting darkness gives way to

a boundless bejeweled sky;

and I --- I fall softly into its quiet embrace

of endless possibilities;

thus, this is where I will remain,

embracing the darkness, chasing stars;

as I await the promise

of my inevitable new dawn.

Happy Meetings: Single By Choice

Ever since I discovered Archangel Raphael as my perfect match, he had been orchestrating happy serendipitous meetings for me (He is, afterall, the angel of happy meetings).  Alas, the idea to chronicle them only came recently.  So, I shall start from this year's first happy meeting/s, when the coincidence was too glaring to write off as a mere coincidence.

On my way to a business trip, the driver who brought me to the airport was a single father with two children.  His wife had died giving birth to their son.  Recognizing that his wife was an only child, he made the unusual decision of staying with his in-laws.  This way his in-laws' loss was tempered with the joy of witnessing their grandchildren grow.  It's been more than 6 years since and he has not regretted his decision.

On the same day, when I landed in my destination country, what are the odds that the lady driver assigned to take me to the hotel was a single mother!  Things did not work out between her and the father of her nine-year old daughter, but they have maintained a good co-parenting arrangement.  She makes sure that her daughter spends ample time with her father's family as well.  There is no need to antagonize when they are family, afterall.

Both single parents did not feel that their circumstance was a hindrance to a romantic relationship.  If anything, it is a diamond test that will help them find the right partner, one who will love them and their child/ren in their entirety.  There is no need to rush into anything.  Like all things precious, the right love, one who recognizes and respects their responsibility as single parents, is worth waiting for. God willing, the next one will be the partner who will enrich their little family.

Prayer Before Mass

Come, Holy Spirit, I pray.  Prepare my body, mind, heart and soul to celebrate Jesus' love and sacrifice in the Holy Mass.

May I be physically disposed to attend the Mass, sufficiently comfortable or uncomfortable, as You see fit. May I find myself in a part of the Church where I can fully appreciate and take part in the celebration.  If my EQ (emotional quotient) is particularly low, please guide me to a place with the least distractions.
May my mind be open and my heart even wider to receive your special message and lesson for me today.  And may I be cognizant of it, whether it comes from the priest or other people in attendance --- like finding easter eggs in a vast garden.
May my heart be generous in recognizing, that I belong to the universal church made up of imperfect people with an even more imperfect leadership, each one with their own unique struggles in their journey of faith. May I have a heart willing to forgive when their struggles impact mine and, in turn, may I have the humility to forgive myself for my own shortcomings.
May I always maintain a grateful heart for having been accepted into the Church without a need for a spiritual IQ test.
Lastly, may my soul be properly disposed to receive the graces and blessings this highest form of prayer offers.  May I recognize, that, more than anything, the Holy Mass is a celebration of Jesus' gift of Easter.  May my heart remain full, knowing the debt that was paid through and trusting in the promise of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

I ask this, with Mary my Mother and Joseph, my foster father.

Amen.

Bigger Bear Series: He Finds You

I guess it's true what they say, the first day/month of the year basically dictates how the rest of the year would turn out.  This year started out with a business trip for me and I had been flying every month since.  Between the trips, A's school work, family/friends and the rest of my work, I didn't have much time to slow down and squeeze in some Lenten spiritual exercises.

The next thing I knew, it was the week before Holy Week and I was in Costa Rica. The most optimal flight schedule allowed me a weekend breather in the country after the hectic week.  I took the opportunity to spend time with a dear friend who lived there.  I was supposed to drive out with her to their farm on Friday, but my meetings ran over; so, I spent another night at the hotel.

As there was no rush to go to the farm, I spent the morning visiting two nearby churches. Incidentally, the two churches where the driver (who spoke no English at all!) took me were dedicated to two of my patrons:  San Raphael and Santa Ana.  What are the odds!

I was able to spend some good quiet time in both churches and I experienced a resurgence of the spirit.  It doesn't matter where you are, He finds you.

I realized how much I missed these quiet moments, that I visited the Blessed Sacrament everyday and attended Mass whenever I could since I came back.  It feels good to be found again.

Somebody Loved
By:  The Weepies

Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved

Sunrises and Sunsets

(El Nido, Palawan Sunset by angkulet)

I am consumed

by the colours of the sun;

it haunts my dreams

and my waking hours;

i close my eyes

and i feel its warmth;

kissing,

painting my face;

a beautiful salmon pink

amidst the deep blue. 

(December 2014).

Sunrises and Sunsets have a way of pulling at my heartstrings.  It doesn't matter how many I've witnessed, each sunrise or sunset is an entirely new experience that still awes and captivates me everytime - no fail.

Sunrise by Francis Ghersci
At dawn, when purple skies begin to fade into blue, and tinges of yellow and orange start peeking through, I feel a certain excitement; like butterflies of hope fluttering from my stomach to my heart. And, when the sun bursts into an explosion of light (like new loves), it brings with it the promise of a new and beautiful day. Troubles past feel like forgotten dreams from an eternity ago and worries are swiftly washed away.  Sunrises mean nothing is impossible. Everything can be conquered.

Manila Bay Sunset by Damijan Zizek
Dusk, for all its beauty, bring with it a certain bittersweet melancholy. As the bright sun moves towards the horizon, its light gradually mellowing, I can't help but feel a form of quiet surrender for all things inevitable.  And, once the sun hits the horizon, setting the sky on fire in one final burst of effort, there is no ending (like dying loves) more beautiful nor more magnificent.  Moments after it has gone, the sun's echoes remain in the beautiful shades of salmon, blue and deep purple; much like forgiving, letting go and moving on.

Just recently, I witnessed a breathtaking sunset while in a moving car.  Like any normal person, I fumbled for my phone to catch a photo. But the photos by my unprofessional hands were a mere whistle compared to the symphony before me.  So, I abandoned my phone and immersed myself in the full experience.  And then, I realized, there are photos best taken with the heart. 

Poetic Dose: Parallel Universes

(October 2014)

i cannot say
the exact moment
nor fully comprehend
the how ---
perhaps a swift blow
from cupid's stray arrow,
or the slow burning
of daily small gestures;
or the why's ---
similarly wired brains,
the unspoken partnership
or, perhaps,
simply
the volumes spoken
from a sideways glance,
the undefined yearning
from a brief touch.

i cannot say
my exact sentiments
my heart, as conflicted
as your cryptic messages ---
tossed around in a sea
of late night exchanges,
pulled deeper in the undercurrent
of the almost-but-never-quite;
my soul, as lost
as your true meaning ---
wound up
in the rollercoaster ride
of your affections
--- or affectations?

i cannot know,
may never want to know
perhaps i should just
draw a cupful of comfort ---
these moments
of mutual tenderness
come to pass
   a wrinkle in time,
perhaps somewhere
in a parallel universe
i am
for you
the very heartbeat
that brings you to life.