"Did You Get Loved Enough?"

A couple of days ago, I was finally able to watch the full movie, "Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood".  For years, I just saw bits of the movie, although I always meant to sit down and watch it.  I thought it was just awfully bad timing.  But, when I finally watched it, I realized, that night was the right time for me to see it.  I had been chewing on it these past days with so many thoughts swimming in my head.

Three events led me to think it was time to bring the thoughts to shore:

• I got so ticked off (okay. fine. I was heaving in anger) at two incredibly rude teenagers at the parking lot that I couldn't enjoy shopping (imagine that!).  So, my son did the only thing he could do:  he hugged me.
• I read this on the internet:  "If someone becomes angry over silly or petty things, it means he/she needs love."
• I watched "Incredibles 2" (it's an explanation too long for a parenthesis, so just watch it).

The scene that got me was the one between Siddalee (Sandra) and her father, Shep.

Shep:  "It can be summed up in, 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions.'"
Sidda:  "What about the road back? What's that paved with?"
Shep:  "Humility"
Sidda:  "Really?  Does she even have that in her repertoire?"
Shep:  "Not that she'd care to admit.  Pride covers a multitude of sins.  But you live with someone long enough you can see what they're trying to hide by the way they try to hide it.  She's hurting, too, baby girl."
Sidda:  "Daddy?  Did you get loved enough?"
Shep:  "What is enough?  The question is ... did you?  It's never too late."


This reminded me of a common notion people have when children act out or when adults are particularly difficult: "He/She must not have been loved enough."

But what is enough?

To be loved means there is also a giver of love.  There are two people involved.

Two completely different people --- with different histories; different personalities and temperaments; different principles and values; different needs; different mental and emotional capacities; different love languages.

Two individuals experiencing life from very different perspectives --- with very different definitions of good days and bad days; very different stress levels; very different stress or pain thresholds; different goals and intentions.

I realized, any relationship --- whether between parent and child, between lovers / spouses / partners, between siblings, between friends, colleagues or even simple acquaintances --- is tremendously hard work!  It is a constant balancing act between two people, who trust and love each other enough to risk the possibility of getting hurt.

That is why it is important to choose well the people to maintain meaningful relationships with.  These are the people who love and value you for who you are --- perks and quirks; graces and faults.  They are the ones who will safeguard your vulnerability and protect your reputation, while serving you the painful truth upfront (without the frills or the ice cream).  They will gladly (or begrudgingly) walk that road back (half way or all the way, as needed) paved with humility.  And YOU will do the same for them ... so choose well!

BUT what is enough?

The truth is, there is never enough.  Only the constant awareness that each person is different and going through different circumstances; the deliberate openness to see and understand from another person's perspective; and the humble acceptance that we do not know and understand another person completely ... or that no one ever fully understands us.

Makes you wonder if you have loved enough, huh?

It's never too late.