Closing the Space Between Us

In this month of Hearts, let me confess (in case it's not that obvious) that I am a Love Pirate.  No, I don't steal other people's lovers.  Hell, NO!  I am a foolish pirate who believes that somewhere out there is a treasure chest filled with the perfect kind of love.  And I will find it.


"just because you don't see us, doesn't mean that we don't exist."

- Ingrid Michaelson, Smallest Light

(And I will devour every romantic movie with mushy-even-though-entirely-impossible plots any day ... or night).

Watching "The Space Between Us", even with its far-fetched plot, showcased a worthwhile underlying multi-layered theme that is both relevant and accessible ... if you care enough to look closer.

These are the layers I noted, which, I believe, can help us close the space between us.

"Courage is Fear that said its prayers."

Okay, it's not a plot layer.  It's a quote.  But one that speaks volumes and needs no further explanation.  It's a good note-to-self, especially this year, when conditions are favorable for leaps of faith.  A friend told me that Year 2017 is a year of Endings and New Beginnings.  I don't know how true that is.  But I've witnessed a lot of people courageously taking leaps of faith, in one form or another, and it's only February!

Passion breeds Frustration breeds Creativity.

When you want something bad enough and all odds are against you, at first you get really frustrated.  Then you figure out creative, sometimes complex and absurdly out-of-this-world ways to get it.  And you do get it.  Sometimes immediately, sometimes much later ... but you do get it.

Movie references:  Gardner wanted to see his mother's grave outside of the Mars bubble complex he lives in, so he dismantled his robot to get a map of the place and used his magnetic monitor implant to open the door. (Go figure! But you get my point).
Tulsa drove a plane to help Gardner "escape" from Nathaniel and Kendra.

"Break my heart
Break my hands
You can take anything but my plans
Ooh ooh I got big things to do

You can laugh,
Have your fun
I'll be standing right here when you're done
Ooh ooh I got big things to do"

- Ingrid Michaelson, Smallest Light

Smallest Light

We have become Earth desensitized.

There is so much beauty around us --- in nature, our surroundings and the faces we meet.  We have become so desensitized, our noses on whatever gadgets we have our hands on 24/7, that we miss the everyday awesomeness of the Earth we live in.

Step out.  Look up, around and towards the horizon. We are much more connected to everything in nature than we care to admit.  Don't you feel more serene, at peace and clear-headed after a few minutes of just appreciating the gift of God's creations?

Yet we have become indifferent to or, worse, unbelieving of the damage we are inflicting. Sometimes, I feel, we are like the foolish scorpion who stung the tortoise that carried it.

Distance and Time are imaginary constraints.

Who are we kidding?  We live in the future.  So many things which were impossible 5, 10, 15 years ago are daily ordinary stuff now.  For all the possibilities technology offers us, we have never been more disconnected.

We have become a society of quantity over quality.  We make more "connections", yes, but how much of these go beyond the superficial?  And, because of all of these connections, our time is spread too thinly that there is not enough to make real connections.

We travel great distances for work, concerts, games, etc.  But we cannot travel the shorter distances to visit family and friends.  And, even if these are longer distances, aren't they much more worth traveling for?

Distance and time are not the constraints.  It's our priorities.

Movie reference:  Gardner traveled for 7 months from Mars to Earth just to meet Tulsa and to find his father.  Okay, not a realistic example, but a good analogy ... sort of.

"I need the sun to break, you've woken up my heart
I'm shaking, all my luck could change
Been in the dark for weeks and I've realized you're all I need and
I hope that I'm not too late"

- James Bay, Need The Sun to Break

Need The Sun to Break

Blinders limit your vision and the overall experience.

Sometimes we get so obsessed with chasing after what we don't or can't have, that we fail to see what is right in front of us.  And, often, it's the people who love us.

Or, sometimes, we are so focused on the end-goal or finish line, that we fail to appreciate the process or the journey.

Movie reference:  Gardner was too focused on finding a way to see his mother's plot or finding his father, that he failed to appreciate Kendra, the person who stepped up to be "the mother he never had".

Both cliche, I know, but not less true.  Admit it.

Love takes chances and sacrifices.

Another cliche.
Although, sadly, not everyone is actually brave enough to take chances, I find, that most are strong enough to sacrifice for the sake of the beloved.

Love enables us to achieve the inconceivable.  May we love enough to become the positive change movers our world needs.

Movie references:  Tulsa took the chance to help and be with Gardner even though it did not make sense.
Gardner's father drove the plane/shuttle into outer space despite the possibility of him dying in the process (He has some weird-probably-fictional condition.  Don't ask me what it's called).

"Everything we need is in the quiet
So let's hide out deep inside it
And even if tomorrow doesn't hold on
At least, we have this one song"

- Ingrid Michaelson, Stay Right Where You Are

Stay Right Where You Are

Filter your filters.

It's become a norm for us to filter our thoughts for various reasons:

• To be politically correct
• To prevent hurting other people's feelings
• To dress up or dress down the truth
• Fear of rejection, disapproval or getting hurt
• Pride

Whatever the reason, we've become a society of filtered truths and it's damaging the most important and most fragile of God's gifts - relationships.  

"The Truth will set us free". Always. And, as the movie points out, the Truth will make us happy (eventually) ... even when, sometimes, it hurts at first.

Yes, not every single thing that pops into our heads need to be blurted out.  Some situations call for discretion and sensitivity. But never to the point of distorted truths and holding back affirmations.  Perhaps if we are more generous with affirmations, this world can become a much nicer and brighter (less suspicious) place to live in.

Movie reference:

"First of all, I'm not upset.  I'm uncomfortable.  There's a difference.  Secondly, people don't go around saying what they feel whenever they feel it.  They have guards and shields and ... other metaphors ... [Why?] Because we're all messed up and scared and trying to be something that we're not.  And if we all went around just declaring our innermost desires to the exact people we felt them for, then we'd all end up happy ... or something."

Hope floats.

Never underestimate the power of Hope.  You'll find, that, despite burying it under a mountain of cynicism, pessimism, tough acts and what have you, Hope floats.  It shines through.  And the minute that we acknowledge it and empower it, it makes us limitless.

Movie reference:
 "You act like you hate the world, Tulsa. It's all an act. The beautiful music you make gives you away."

Shine A Light

Jump Off Point

I saw this photo on the internet a couple of weeks ago and it made me crack up.

Then it made me think.

How many things and experiences have I foregone or put off because of constraints that are merely in my head?

So, I did the most rational thing to do at that point.  I texted my friend and our conversation went something like this ...

Me:  I want to hike.
Him:  You know I thought about that, too, this week.  I'm just worried you might not be ready yet.
Me:  I feel judged.
Him:  ...
Me:  I will never be ready. I can do more cardio ...
Him:  Ok.
Me:  I want to do more hikes.
Him:  Ok.

A couple of days later, we were booked for Mt. Batulao (via Trail Adventours).  And "Amazing" doesn't begin to describe the entire experience.  It served as my Jump Off Point.

For someone whose days are constantly running together, the hike was a good way to slow down and breathe (fresh air, no less!).  In between serious & senseless conversations and huffing & puffing, I got to do some thinking.  These were a few of my musings.

Darkness helps us appreciate the faintest light.  

This one is a reinforcement of what the banker astronomer (who brought his big telescope to CFA Family Camping) said the previous night, "I used to be afraid of the dark, but now I love the dark --- because I can see the stars better with it."  

Starting off our hike in the wee hours of that morning, I couldn't agree with him more. The scene was breathtaking:  on both sides, citylights as far as the eyes could see; and overhead, the stars shone brightly as if trying to outshine each other. I am still "killing" myself for not having the presence of mind to take a photo.  But, in a sense, it was a natural reaction.  The few minutes we had that view was not enough to soak in its grandeur.  Why waste those precious few seconds fishing out my phone?

The first few seconds of darkness is always heart-stopping.  But just sit (or stand) still, blink a couple of times and let the stars reveal themselves.  There will always be much much more than you thought there ever were; and some, you will realize, have always been visible but you have taken for granted when your suns blinded you.

In between Huffs & Puffs, Look Up!

There were times when the trail got particularly difficult.  I trudged on looking down, concentrating on the trail.  And then I heard someone, "Wow!".  I looked up towards the direction she was looking at and caught my breath.  We were on "top of the world" and the sun was starting to peek through the horizon.  I looked around me.  It was 360 degrees of picture-perfect view.  From then on, I resolved to stop focusing too much on the trail and instead enjoy the sights more.

So, in between your huffing and puffing, look up or you'll miss the amazing view!  It is, afterall, the entire point of the hike; the only way you can come out of  it richer from the experience vs. resentful and b!%@&ing about it.

Risk the Occasional Trips and Slip-ups for the Full Experience

Linked to the above point, I soon realized, that in order to appreciate the view, I had to occasionally look up from my furrowed-brow focus on the trail ... and risk tripping, slipping or even bumping onto the person in front (thankfully, it's often just my friend's backpack taking the hit).  What is the point of coming out unscathed if you didn't get to experience the climb fully, all senses engaged?  Besides, those moments can only result to:  comic relief, quick stops, icebreakers and new friends.

Giving Up is NOT An Option. NOPE.

Mt. Batulao is categorized as an easy hike suitable for beginners, so, when I asked our trail guide how many peaks we were going to, I nearly fell off the cliff when he calmly replied, "12".  Then he made a sweeping gesture across the mountain range, finishing with a flourish at the highest peak, "That's where we're going." Then he smiled broadly, clearly proud of himself.  And I silently screamed and fainted inside.  I looked back at where we came from, assessing my options.  There is no way a helicopter can pick me up.  Nope.  Giving up is NOT an option.

And, boy, am I glad I didn't!

Sometimes you find yourself on a forlorn-obviously-less-traveled path with no visible forks or detour.  If there is no other way, then keep at it.  You only know it's bad based on the few hundred meters you can see.  But that's not where the path ends ... so you don't really know if it's bad, do you?  When there are no turns, trust that you are on the right path.  Be patient.  Keep on.  You'll be amazed at where it will take you. (Believe me, I know!)

The Highest (and Best) Peak is the Hardest to Climb (Duh!)

We took a photo at Peak 1, after which, I said,  "Peak 1.  11 more to go.  Let's do this!".  An hour and 10 million years later, I said to no one in particular, "Uhm ... I wonder when we'll get to Peak 2.  I don't think we'll reach Peak 12 at this rate."  No one in particular replied to me ... even when I asked the same thing about another hour later.  Then we came to a series of steep climbs with ropes to help us pull ourselves up.  And just when I thought I'd used up my last ounce of strength (and breath), we broke through the summit.  It was 360 degrees of lush greens, clear blue sky, soft warm sun and cool gently playful wind.  "It was worth it" doesn't quite cut it.  It was fulfilling, exhilarating, liberating, all rolled into one.

Stretched. Expanded. It was a personal breakthrough which made me feel that nothing, absolutely nothing, is impossible or insurmountable.

Choose Your Company Well

Hiking and being in Nature's embrace is a soul activity for me.  It both silences me and makes me come alive.  The Mt. Batulao hike was my first major hike, so it was sort of a make or break thing for me.  That is why choosing the person I will share the experience with was critical.  These are my criteria:

• Someone who is enthusiastic and will make time to go on the same hike with me
• Someone I can trust my life with
• Someone I am comfortable to be around with in my own skin (stinky ugly and all)
• Someone who knows when to engage me and to give me space (Net, someone in whose company I can still have precious "Me" time)
• Someone who complements me, whose strengths compensate my weaknesses and vice versa
• Someone I work and partner well with, who can lead or follow as the situation calls for
• Someone who gets me; understands and knows how to deal with my quirks
• Someone who can be honest with me and whose honesty I value enough to accept
• Someone who knows when to push me and when to cut me some slack
• Someone who will stick with me till the end 

Him:  "I think we should take the trike from here"
Me:  "But we're almost there.  Let's go all the way!"

30 minutes and > 1 km of walking (or crawling) later

Me:  "Uhm ... I'm sorry.  I thought it was just a short distance."
Him:  "It's okay.  We're almost there."

Use Lip Balm with UV Protection (And put some on at the start of the trek)

I got a windburn.


It goes without saying, that the trek was a success.  I made it!  We're planning our next one already. And we promised to make time for at least one per quarter.  Like the true corporate slaves that we are, we even debriefed and noted down our learnings, so that we're better prepared for the next one.

Try it.  Take a hike!

Special thanks to St. Raphael, the Archangel, for the beautifully trek-perfect weather!

To La La Land and Back ... to Reality

So ... I finally got to watch "La La Land" which, according to my friends, is a movie that will resonate strongly with me.  And they were right.

These were the scenes which hit home and sent my overanalyzing brain into a state of frenzy.

A Lovely Night.  That scene where Sebastian walked with Mia while she looked for her car through an endless row of similar cars.  It was a regular harmless activity which slowly sparked something wonderful.  But they were both quick to write it off as a "complete waste of a lovely night".  These days it's hard to assume, when people are so casual about sex but guarded with their feelings.  Love is a rare commodity that demands the highest price of vulnerability.  And, heaven forbid, the first person to show vulnerability inevitably loses.  Would you gamble your innermost being for love?

Argument Over Surprise Dinner.  This was one of the most painful scenes, when, as an observer, you know they both love each other and you are helpless to keep them from spiraling. Communication between a man and a woman has always been tricky.  That's why the book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", is such a hit. Somehow we say one thing and it doesn't quite translate accurately. Or, perhaps, it's simply because we feel something strongly and are either too embarrassed or too proud to articulate it honestly.

"I'm Going Home HOME".  Working towards our dreams can be very challenging.  And, when the person you need the most to believe and support you falls short, there's no better place to lick your wounds than home. Home, where, stripped of all the masks, you are still loved completely.

"I'm Always Gonna Love You." That moment when she asks "Where are we?" and he responds with, "You have to follow your dream ... I am going to do my own thing ... We'll just have to wait and see."  When they say "I'm always gonna love you", you know a choice has been made and it's goodbye.  Sometimes you find someone who means a lot to you, but you're headed towards different directions; want completely different things out of life; cannot compromise the dreams that scream louder and are much more demanding than the heart.  So you let go ... even though you know in your heart that you're always gonna love this one person.  It's a choice you make and you live with.

To La La Land and Back ... in One Song.  That fated moment when Mia walks into Sebastian's jazz bar with her husband.  That heavy-chested moment when all composure must be kept in front of the audience and the unknowing husband.  That utterly sad piano piece when scenes from their what-could-have-been life flashed and passed between them.  That painful final note that pulled them back to their current reality.  (Damn!).  Regret is a bitter pill, especially when you come face-to-face with the unretractable implications of your choices.

The Final Look Back.  Mia stood up to leave and glanced back at Sebastian one last time.  The silent volumes that passed between them - the pained helpless look, transforming into resignation then forgiveness and goodbye. (Oh, such feels!).  There are things much harder to let go than the rest.  But it is for the best.

Reality, afterall, is much much different from La La Land.  Although that does not stop anyone from wishing and hoping for a Hollywood (or Disney Land) happy ending (happily ever after).

PS

Breathtakingly artful production design!

Her wardrobe is tasteful and classy ... and the colors perfectly complement the entire set. (I want those pieces!). 

Poetic Dose: My Faceless Series - Sad Songs

Sometimes I listen to
Beautifully heart-wrenching sad songs
And wish my heart broken
Crazy fool for tears

But then there is
The dream of you
Tugging at the seams of my heart
The possibility of you

So I smile
Or perhaps laugh
Crazy romantic fool for love
Stubborn fool for
   the slightest, remotest possibility of you.

Poetic Dose: Infinite Moment

Time folds over and moves in circles
Memories are wisps of colors and textures
And I am floating within and outside
All at once part and separate from it all.

Then, amidst this chaos, there is you
And that one infinite moment of your laughter
When your breath mingled with mine
And your warmth was my Sun.

One moment
And you
Lost
Yet eternal.

A Time to Be Rogue

Rogue is an adjective used to describe something or someone that is different from others in usually a dangerous or harmful way.

I am not a Star Wars geek, so I will not attempt to analyze how Rogue One fits into the overall Star Wars universe nor how it fared compared to all the other franchises.  If that's what you're looking for, you will do better talking to my son than reading this blog.

But, if you must know, I liked it.  Forget the there-but-not-quite-there hint of a love story between Jyn and Cassian.  Forget how awesome (and kind of sexy) Chirrut Imwe was.  Forget, too, the more elegant Sam-Frodo dynamics he had with Baze Malbus.  I enjoyed those bits, too.  But I liked it more because the movie was riddled with nuggets of wisdom that are relevant, timely (even urgent) and must be underlined.

There are 10 lines that struck me...

"Remember, whatever I do, I do it to protect you."

Every event is multifaceted, one facet for the perspective of each person involved.  Nobody truly knows the entire story until it is viewed and understood from each of those person's perspective. 

• Galen Erso was viewed as a defector by the rebellion when he became the Empire's lead Engineer for the Death Star. A mission was sent to kill him on site.  But, in truth, Galen Erso decided to take that critical role in order to build a weakness into the Death Star - which he communicated to the rebellion at the risk of his own life.
• For years, Jyn Erso harbored hurt against Saw Gerrera for abandoning her at age 16.  But Saw Gerrera did this to protect her, so that she is not linked to the rebellion and used to blackmail her father.  And, before doing so, he trained her. "You were already the best soldier in my cadre."

Often, when "bad" things happen to us, we only see the pain and negative impact. Sometimes we allow the pain to consume us, clouding over our perspective, that we fail to see the eventual good that comes from it.  During difficult times, "when we can't trace His hand," we need to hold fast and "trust His heart" - because, like any father, God tells us, "Remember, whatever I do, I do it to protect you."

"Congratulations.  You are being rescued. Please do not resist."
Contrary to what some people think, to be saved can be very painful that the first instinct is, understandably, to run away altogether.  But, because God loves us and we are important, He might resort to some drastic measures --- like hitting us hard, so that we stop long enough to realize what is happening.  Hopefully, after that, we are much more pliant. "Quiet!  And there's a fresh one if you mouth off again!"

"The Force is with me. I am one with the Force.  And I fear nothing, for all is as the Force wills it."
This one needs no further explanation.  Just switch "Force" with "God".  It's an effective mantra to calm one's spirit; to find strength during difficult times; to find the courage to follow God's will, especially when it's contrary to what your mind is telling you; to trust and hope in the face of impossibility.

"There are no Jedi here anymore, only dreamers, like this fool."
Preaching about God and introducing Him to people who do not know Him yet is not just the responsibility of priests and religious (Jedi).  We don't need a special title to tell the world about God and how He moves in our lives.  In this society/world of ambiguity and confusion, I dare you to be that foolish dreamer who will forge, unblinking, towards the clear path where the "Force" leads.

"The Force did protect me."  "I protected you."
"Goodluck!" "I don't need luck.  I have you."
God is efficient that way.  He moves people and uses them as instruments to do His will. And He does not discriminate. Sometimes He sends a believer; sometimes, an unbeliever.  Sometimes He sends YOU.

"You can stand to see the Imperial flag reign across the galaxy?"  "It's not a problem if you don't look up"
Pope Francis pointed it out many times, one of the greatest diseases of this generation is indifference. While technology has given us access to so much information, it has also desensitized us to the point of indifference and apathy.  What does not affect us directly, does not matter.  There is nothing wrong with it until it happens to us.  Or, sometimes, it is easy to feel involved without really getting involved.  If you haven't figured it out yet, liking or forwarding an article does not help.  Yes, it helps raise awareness. But what good is it in a universe of information where it is difficult to decipher fact from fabrication?

"I had orders!  Orders that I disobeyed!"  "You might as well be a stormtrooper."
God gave us the ability to perceive and evaluate things.  He also gave us free will.  May we always choose to do what our hearts say is right.

"You give way to an enemy this evil with this much power and you condemn the galaxy to an eternity of submission."  "The time to fight is now!"
There should be no dilly-dallying.  There is no small effort.  Every little effort adds up. Everyday we are faced with choices - right or wrong, big or small.  Everytime we choose to do what is right, no matter how small, we win a battle.

"... we'll take the next chance. And the next chance.  On and on until we win ... or the chances are spent."
Sometimes following God's will entails running into battle blindly with no plans other than taking one chance (He presents us) at a time. Just run with it.

"The strongest stars have hearts of kyber"
Hearts attuned to God are the strongest and bravest.  These are the ones most capable of going rogue when the times call for it.

Nobody, other than God, knows the full story or the Master Plan.  That is why, during these trying times, it is even more critical to stay attuned to Him through daily prayer meditation and reading of His Word.  Only in this way will we know what to do, when to do it.

To each one of us and to society as a whole ...

May the Force be with us when it is Time to be Rogue.

Every Road Leads Back

Moana is another beautiful departure from Disney's usual princess and damsels-in-distress theme. I'm happy to see this new trend in Disney animation. And Lin Manuel Miranda and his team are just the right people to lay out the music.  The music did not only set the background, but highlighted the theme in a profoundly resounding manner.

Three songs struck my core ...

How Far I'll Go

"I've been standing at the edge of the water

Long as I can remember
Never really knowing why
I wish I could be the perfect daughter
But I come back to the water
No matter how hard I try"

This reminds me of a discussion I had a year ago with our parish priest.  He said, that our generation is typically born into a role with a set of expectations.  

Pondering on this more, I realized it is true.  We had our lives laid out for us with everything planned out by our parents.  There is great focus on being the "perfect daughter" and doing what our parents think is best for us.  And there's nothing wrong with that.  Our parents have our best interests at heart and years of experience have made them truly wiser than us.  We do need their guidance. But, sometimes, because they want to protect us so much from failure and pain, they inevitably hold us back from forging our own paths.

"Every turn I take

Every trail I track
Every path I make
Every road leads back to the place I know
Where I cannot go
Where I long to be"

As a friend told me once, "there is order in the universe".  Life has a way of taking you right back to the right path.  You can run or hide from it, but God's plan for you will unfold.  And you will find yourself circling back to it, because there are things the heart knows much better than the mind.  Until you figure it out, you'll find your heart inexplicably drawn to it and circumstances will lead you right back to it ... over and over again.

"See the light where the sky meets the sea
It calls me
No one knows how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know
If I go there's just no telling how far I'll go"

One day, when you are ready, it will hit you and you will find the courage to finally go and find out "how far you'll go".   When you let go and allow it to take you, the journey itself will feel like coming home.

How Far I'll Go - Janella Salvador (PH)

How Far I'll Go - Tagalog Version

I Am Moana

"Sometimes the world seems against you

The journey may leave a scar
But scars can heal and reveal just
Where you are

The people you love will change you

The things you have learned will guide you"

There is no guarantee that, when we go and walk our path, things will be easy.  The failure which our parents are protecting us from can and will hit us at one point or another.  Failure, afterall, is what builds character and pushes us to do things we never knew we were capable of.

"And nothing on Earth can silence
The quiet voice still inside you
And when that voice starts to whisper ...

Do you know who you are?

I am everything I've learned and more
Still it calls me

And the call isn't out there at all
It's inside me
It's like the tide, always falling and rising
I will carry you here in my heart
You'll remind me
That come what may, I know the way
I am Moana!"

When it is most difficult, that is the time to stand back and listen to that inner voice - God's voice within us. It is there, always within reach, guiding us.  It will not be silenced.  It knows the way. 

I believe that God planted His plans in our hearts. During uncertain times, trust that His plans are deep inside you.  In the deepest parts of your heart, you'll always find the answer.  When it is needed, help will come.  He will send someone.  Everything will come into focus and you'll know the way.  Just keep praying.  Stay in touch with that inner voice which holds the blueprint of God's plans.

I Am Moana

Know Who You Are

"I have crossed the horizon to find you
I know your name
He may have stolen the heart from inside you
But this does not define you
This is not who you are
You know who you are"

Failure and pain, sometimes, have a way of truly breaking us, bringing out the worst in us.  We find ourselves in a swirl, spiraling downwards until we lose sight of who we are and where we are headed. I have found myself in such situations many times and, without fail, God finds me.  Sometimes He speaks in the silence.  Sometimes He sends someone. Whoever he or she is, that person will find the courage to walk in the midst of that spiral to remind me who I am; a lifeline who will pull me up.

When I am able to accept the failure and transcend the pain, that's when the growing happens and I find myself emerging into a better version of myself (an upgrade!).

On a side note ...

Never steal a woman's heart and break it. (Bad idea).

Te Fiti (a goddess with the power to create life - represented by a mountain) turning into Te Ka (a demon that causes infestation and death - manifested in fire and magma, a volcano) is the perfect representation of a woman who's heart is broken.  She becomes untrusting, protecting herself by keeping everyone else at bay through anger or indifference. (Nasty!).

Know Who You Are

Art from ScorpiusClark

Poetic Dose: Untitled

Love creeps in through
The strangest of places
Born always from
The most hidden corners
Warming slowly
Breathing suddenly
Until it trembles
And bursts
Then
It is unstoppable.

(October)

Reflection on Readings: The Big Bang Theory, Exotic Particles and Time

The Big Bang Theory

“If the rate of expansion one second after the big bang had been smaller by even one part in a hundred thousand million million, the universe would have re-collapsed before it ever reached its present size.” 

“The remarkable fact is that the values of these numbers seem to have been very finely adjusted to make possible the development of life.”

Stephen Hawkings

Growing up, I never understood why people thought a fascination in Science and Math meant a separation from Faith; that the two can never be married; and that scientists are inevitably atheists or agnostics.  Science and Math had always served as objective and concrete proof of God's existence for me.  I mean, think about it.  There is too much order and symmetry in the universe - from far off celestial bodies to the inner workings of our DNA - to miss or deny the existence of an extremely obsessive compulsive Engineer!

(Read more about it here:  Has Science Discovered God?)

So, what does this mean?

I am part of His Grand Design.  My existence was meticulously planned, so that I come out exactly the way I am.
And, because He has designed and set the world in motion like one extremely complex domino structure, I have a purpose. Whether it is to the world or to just one person, I am meant to make an impact and set something or someone else into motion.

Exotic Particles

“But I think the number that made the biggest impression on me concerned the lifespan of the 'exotic' particles created in the LHC.  The longest-lived of these particles could exist for only a few hundred-millionths of a second before decaying; the shortest-lived were so unstable that their existences couldn't even be observed in a conventional sense.  They popped into being and were gone in the same tiny fraction of an instant ...
But the more I thought about this, and the more I thought about how old the universe was, and hold it would become before it suffered its final heat death, the more I realized that all matter was akin to those exotic particles.  The size and scale of the universe made everything else unimaginably small and fleeting.  On a universal timescale, even the stars would be gone in much less than the blink of an eye.”

The Universe versus Alex Woods

(Some reinforcements along this line of thinking:  Michio Kaku: Is God a Mathematician?)

It is humbling to understand how small we are and our lives, fleeting, in universal scale.  But that is not my main point here.  It is, that every single particle that ever existed in the universe for a "tiny fraction of an instant" contributed to the development of the universe and our world as we know it now.

We are not the only ones important.  Everything else is, too. This circle of life rests upon a delicate balance, that only we have the power to maintain or tip over.

Time

“His life had become simple and uncluttered, and when you're living life like that, I think time can seem to stretch on forever. Matters only change when you start fretting about all the things yo need to get done. The more stuff you try to force into it, the less accommodating time becomes.”

The Universe versus Alex Woods

I am my God's creation.

I am just as obsessive and compulsive as He is, wanting everything to be perfect.  But, whereas God has eternity, in this life, I have only a "tiny fraction of an instant".  So, I overloaded it with a host of lists and to-do's.  Afterall, life is short and I have to accomplish all of these things.  I had planned my days down to the very last second.

The past years, though, I realized that my plans and to-do's do not always line up against God's design.  As a result, I ran into and pushed against walls, and it had been terribly frustrating.

I realized, that following God's will required a lot of fluidity, flexibility and faith.  It meant being choiceful and taking out the clutter of trivial pursuits.  It meant being open to changes of plans to allow His plan to unfold.  It meant trusting, that all the wrong turns and mistakes will lead us to where we should be when we should be.

When we live each day this way, we realize that time isn't short; that there is no need to run; and that there is ample time to live.  This way it's less stressful (and reduces the chances of cancer ... seriously!).

So ... What will you do with your "tiny fraction of an instant"?


From Today's Readings

Psalm 27:13-14
"I believe that I shall see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage; be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord."

GOSPEL: Matthew 9:29-30
"Then he touched their eyes and said, 'Let it be done for you according to your faith.' And their eyes were opened."

Poetic Dose: Missed Signals

She sat with a friend
at the far end of the room;
He waved at her
then grabbed a beer

From across the room

"Make your move,"
she thought;
"Give me a sign,"
he thought.

After an hour

"I should go,"
she said;
"See you around,"
he said.

She walked away
as he watched;
Then she looked back
as he turned away.

Poetic Dose: Across My Universe

nothing or no one can
turn your world upside down,
burst your impregnable bubble,
steer your course into a different direction,
or shift your universe ... 
the way a child does ---
wonderfully
irrevocably.


ACROSS THE UNIVERSE - By Rufus Wainwright

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter, shades of life are ringing through my open ears
Inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on, across the universe
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Poetic Doses: Restless Insomnia Nights

If I can avert a storm from its path,
I can surely calm the storm raging within your heart.

***
gift

little girl, little girl, don't cry
it will only hurt for awhile.
come, now, come; let us,
together, rock the pain away.

what is it you clutch
so tightly against your chest?
come, now, come; let us,
together, pry those hands open.

little girl, little girl, don't cry
open these tightly clenched fists.
come, now, come; let us,
together, let this button go.

little girl, little girl, don't cry
see, in this little box are your true gifts.
come, now, come; let us,
together, set free what's been waiting for you.

***
i am ready

some old habits are hard to break
but i am, finally, breaking free of you ...

finally, i am ready
to mourn you;
for eyes, washed with tears,
to see you for who you are;
for heart, unlocked,
to be unburdened of you;
for feet, on level ground,
to walk resolutely away.

finally, i am ready
to be loved;
beheld by eyes
that see me fully;
safe within the heart
that will cherish me;
dancing with feet
that will walk with me all my life.

finally, i am ready
to take flight;
to love, heart wide open,
unguarded.

and he will be there.
he
will be
here.

***
fool

what use is there
in letting your heart get broken
over and over and over
again?

what fool is there
who walks into a torture chamber
with eyes wide open
dancing?

only me
only for you
only then
but never again.

Reflection on Readings / Bigger Bear Series: What I Learned from "Storks"

 I like watching animated movies, which I consider modern day storybooks.  And I am grateful for the army of storytellers (armed with pens, inks, colors and sounds - in all forms) who work together, investing blood, sweat and tears into every production.  I honor you all!

For me, each animated movie is a wonderful work of art.  If a picture paints a thousand words, an animated film speaks volumes by enabling us to put down our guards just enough to reach into the depths of our souls.

"Storks" was no different.

So, what did I learn from it? A lot.  Summed up in five words:  Choices, Consequences, Hopefulness, Patience and Unstoppability.

• It's not easy making the right Choices all the time because ...

• We are given to selfishness.  Jasper fell inlove with baby Tulip that he wanted to keep her for himself.
• Society's wisdom and values are folly to God.  Hunter thought it was more profitable to just deliver objects and gadgets.  But the storks' true calling is to deliver babies! He also thought it was wise to fire Tulip.
• We are scared to make a stand.  Junior did not feel it right to fire Tulip, so he made a compromise by weaving a lie.

That is why we should always pray ...

Psalm 119:66

Teach me wisdom and knowledge, for in your commands I trust.

Psalm 119:125

I am your servant; give me discernment that I may know your decrees.

• For each choice, there is a Consequence and it does not just impact us ...

• Jasper's clouded judgement resulted to Tulip's beacon being broken, so she could not be delivered to her family.
• Hunter's decision made the Storks more profitable, but it also resulted to incomplete families around the world.
• Junior's web of lie spun out of control. We all know lies do that, so I won't expound anymore. Watch the movie (if you haven't) for an actual illustration of how bad a lie can get.

But each consequence is not as much a punishment as it is a lesson that points us to the right direction.

Psalm 119:71
It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn your statutes.
Job 42:5-6
I had heard of you by word of mouth, but now my eye has seen you. 6 Therefore I disown what I have said, and repent in dust and ashes.

• One choice does not define us.  It's the consolidation of all our choices (and, mind you, they're not all right) that do. Not all consequences are permanent.  And, even for those that are, there is always a way to make it right. Nothing is hopeless.  Choose to believe and remain Hopeful by allowing God to show you what He sees - that people can (positively) surprise you.
• Against all odds, Jasper looked for the pieces of the beacon.  And even when he couldn't find the final piece, he decided to make it right by offering to be Tulip's family.
• Nate's belief planted a seed of hope in his parents' hearts, that perhaps they would get stork baby delivery.
• Tulip remained hopeful that she would find her family.
• Junior, amidst all the mishaps, remained hopeful till the end that he would be able to deliver the baby to her parents.

Luke 10:23
Turning to the disciples in private he said, “Blessed are the eyes that see what you see.

• Some things take time to fix.  Some lessons take time to learn. "Stay the course" (Margaret, Once). Be Patient.
• It took 18 years for Jasper to have the opportunity to complete the delivery of Tulip to her family.
• Things never went as planned or within the target timelines, but Junior and Tulip eventually got to deliver the baby to the Gardner family.
• Tulip's parents didn't get the baby they wanted when they wanted it, but they did not stop living.  Then Tulip came, eighteen years later, but at the right time - because it had to be after she made all the mistakes that led to Storks going back to delivering babies.
• Don't stop, because God's Will (and the graces and blessings that go with it) is Unstoppable.  It will come.

Job 42:2

I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be hindered.

Job 42:12

Thus the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his earlier ones.

Job 42:17

Then Job died, old and full of years.

Who would've have thought I'd learn so much from a children's animated film, huh? Just goes to show, that sometimes we find what we're looking for in the least likely places, when we least expect them. So, if you haven't found your "flock" (or whatever it is you're looking for) yet, remain hopeful because the happy ending (the bigger bear!) God has written for you is unstoppable.

Poetic Dose: Chances

CHANCES

The room held
You
Me;

And all the words
Unspoken
In between;

Vast empty space
Shrinking
In the screaming silence;

So close
Just barely touching
Unyielding;

Farewell
And the moment passes
Lost to us forever.

Bigger Bear Series: Love, Like Driftwood

One of the perks of working for a multinational company is the chance to go on business trips.  These trips give me a chance to more affordably visit family (and friends) from various parts of the world. Most recently, I stopped by my cousin's in LA.  I was hoping for a quick Grand Canyon trip, but there are more important things than checking off bucket lists - like catching up on the past 10 million years of our lives and rekindling my childhood faith in storybook romances.

My realizations:

• The weekend was grossly insufficient for all the catching up we need to do.  I definitely have to go back.
• I grew up worshiping the ground my cousin walked on.  She was, to me, the epitome of class and sophistication. Several years later, she has maintained that air of sophisticated grace while going about daily ordinary tasks.
• As a child, I thought to myself, "when I grow up, I would want to be just like her". Fast forward to today and "sophisticated" is the last word anyone would think to describe me. BUT, I realized, that what drew me to her was the fact that we are alike in so many ways:  OC (wanting everything to be perfect), strict sense of decorum, respect for authority, strong but submissive, big on maintaining composure at all times, perpetually in a dilemma between expressing love and holding back for fear of spoiling the beloved. (Yes, we are both highly complex individuals - perhaps a little crazy in the head, too).

But my most important takeaways from the weekend revolve around the love within her beautiful family:

• The family that prays together, stays together. They do!  And they're rock solid.
• Love conquers everything ... even 3 completely different individuals.  My cousin, her husband and their daughter couldn't be more eclectic.  But they mesh really well, like fruit cocktail. Thanks to the amazing syrup, called Love. (Yeah, I agree, cheesy analogy)
• For every man is a woman who is his True North.  Through the years (and girlfriends), my cousin-in-law found himself compelled to: (1) check in on my cousin time and again; (2) keep her as benchmark against whom every girl had to measure up to; (3) admit to himself (and, to some extent, his ex-girlfriends) that he simply cannot reciprocate their affections because his heart remained bound to her. And, so, he put a ring on it (my cousin's finger, in case that wasn't obvious).
• The rest are affirmations of last month's reflections (I Am LoveSick):

1. Every now and then we need some breathing room.  Sometimes the other room works; sometimes it needs to be farther.  Sometimes counting to five is enough, sometimes it needs a much longer time.  
2. Timing is crucial.  If your life stages are not in sync, it will be like fitting a square peg into a round hole.  Don't force anything now.  When the time is right for both of you, it will be as if stars aligning.  
3. Life is a ball.  When a partner decides to move on to the next partner, don't skip that beat.  Dance with your next partner.  Just keep dancing.  Sometimes you circle back into each other's arms.  Sometimes you stumble into the arms of the one, who will want to walk with you through the gardens for the rest of the evening.

A toast from a Hallmark movie, "Surprised By Love", summarizes it perfectly:

" ... the tide may have taken you here or there, but true love - like driftwood - reinvents itself and stands the test of time.  To Love, may it always find its way."

I was so moved by what I witnessed over the weekend, that these words just came tumbling through my head as I watched the sunset during my flight ...

In solitude

My heart calls for you

And you come

In whispers, yes,

But you come

Always

Although

Never enough

Each time I am left

Wanting

Craving always

More

Let it end!

Must it end?

Poetic Doses: MSP, Plane Thoughts