The Little Prince - Part 2 (Sing the Song You Keep Inside)

Do you remember the games you played as a child?  I remember playing pretend with my dolls, siblings, cousins or friends.  Those were fun times, when I could be anything I wanted ... and most anything was possible.  "And in that moment, I swear we were infinite".

And then "I have had to grow old" and became "concerned with matters of consequence."  I saw myself in the army of grey people walking around the city mechanically, functioning as designed, but devoid of life or purpose.

"Growing up is not the problem.  Forgetting is." I had forgotten the dreams I dreamed, the song I kept inside me.  I did so the minute I found it a waste of time to ponder the stars - "Little golden objects that set lazy men to idle dreaming."  Instead I worked at becoming successful - by society's standards.
"And what good does it do you to own the stars?"  What, indeed?  I can't remember why or when it had become so important.

Those dreams I had forgotten ... I realize, they are 'ephemeral' - that 'which is in danger of speedy disappearance.' I had set them aside too long, and for what?

When dreams die, that's when it feels like the very life is sucked out of you.  You plunge into the monotonous drone of daily life in the same way a zombie walks.

"Only the children know what they are looking for."

In a sense, re-reading "The Little Prince" and watching the movie (and going to the 9-day Misa De Gallo) saved me.  "Yet through the silence something throbs and gleams ..." These brought back the right perspective. I had to take the journey back to being a child, brimming with hope that comes only from staunch faith in a God who loves faithfully.

Faith that enables us to take that leap ... when the time is right.  Yes.  I believe all of these had been orchestrated meticulously to prod me towards the right direction at the perfect time.  "When you need it most, help will come."

" I’m not hopeless. I’m hopeful.  That’s right. I’m full of hope.  I love a rose and she loves me."  

And I'm going back to her and tend to her faithfully.

Turnaround

Far, happiness isn't far
Not far from where you are
Watching your life go by

Now, why don't you sing out loud
To the tune you keep inside?

Turn around and put your pen down
Turn around, your feet off the ground
Turn around, and your head in the clouds

Hi, don't say hello, say hi
Hi to a higher sky
Hi to a higher ground

The Little Prince - Part 1 Addendum (Crucial Conversations)

Catholic Filipino Academy hosted a Parenting Talk session called "Crucial Conversations" (By:  Michele Alignay - author of "Growing up WIRED") last November.  It dealt on the communication dynamics between parents and children, but a lot of it applies to all kinds of relationships.

I realized, that, in order for me to enable my son to find and work at his own destiny, we first need to have a proper conversation.  That means, I need to learn how to listen to him and not just talk to him.

These are the salient points I was able to take note of. I'm still working at a lot of them.  So far, what I have learned is, it is a challenge to unlearn some behaviors and habits. But these relationships are worth the change.

"A relationship is only as good as its level of communication."

Levels:

Level 5 - Cliche: This is the superficial kind mostly shared between mere acquaintances.

Level 4 - Reporting on Facts:  This is a simple improvement from the Cliche level with people talking about simple, general and benign facts.

Level 3 - Ideas & Judgments:  Parties start talking about ideas, but the sharing is very guarded, proceeding based on how the other person receives the idea.  Between parent and child, the communication is under strict censorship from child to parent.  The child only talks about what pleases the parents; or vice versa.

Level 2 - My Feelings "Gut Level":  This is when both are able to communicate their "inner self" through feelings, emotions and honest opinion.  Both are able to articulate the rationale behind the feeling; talk about how each person reacts to the feelings.

Level 1 - Peak Communication:  This is achieved once both are attuned to the other person, having the complete and personal connection.  This is characterized by an almost perfect and mutual empathy with someone.  At this level, the emotional investment becomes the backbone of the relationship.

Checklist for a successful communication:

1. Accept them as they are.
2. Check your motives. 
3. Go to where they are.  How?  Be present in the moment and speak their language.
4. Relationship first before the issue.  Above all else, safeguard the relationship.  I cannot stress this more.
5. Emotional connection is the invisible thread directly connecting us with each other.
6. NOW, not later. Important talks start losing their efficacy the longer it is delayed.  Afterall, anything important cannot wait for later.  Strike while the iron is hot and the issue is fresh.  It is much easier to discuss when the details are still fresh for both parties.

Important communication skills:

1. Listening Skills - Good listening skills are characterized by emphatic understanding, listening with 100% focus (mind and body) and feedback that is devoid of judgment.
2. Speaking Skills - Speak for yourself, not for others.  Instead of embarking on a long sermon, ask.  Remember that speaking is not only represented by what you say, but how it is delivered.  The non-verbal language weighs in just as heavily, if not more, as the verbal language.
3. Self-disclosure - This includes sharing of personal ideas, feelings and experiences.  This entails humility, especially for parents.
4. Clarity - Make sure your message is clear by verifying the other person's understanding. In some cases, the context may be taken differently.  Remember: "Assumptions make an ASS of U and ME"  (Cool, huh?  I thought so, too).
5. Continuity Tracking - Stay on topic.  Focus on the current issue being tackled, allowing all facets and concerns to be confronted.  (I am guilty of this.  I sometimes bring up past "sins" whenever I see an opportunity to connect it to the current issue).
6. Respect and Regard - It is important to accept each other's differences and to recognize the other person's ideas and feelings.  Keep the communication positive.

"The strongest connections are at Home." (2 John 1:12)

"We are their Home."

Michele Alignay closed with Credo for Relationships.  I wasn't able to catch all of it, so I searched on the internet and found this (Bless Google!). I'm not sure if this is what she shared, but I think it's worth sharing, regardless.

Credo for Relationships 

Dr. Thomas Gordon

You and I are in a relationship which I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with unique needs and the right to meet those needs.

When you are having problems meeting your needs, I will try to listen with genuine acceptance. In order to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine, I also will try to respect your right to choose your own beliefs and develop your own values, different though they may be from mine.

However, when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can try to change my behavior.

At those times when we find that either of us cannot change to meet the other's needs, let us acknowledge that we have a conflict and commit ourselves to resolve each conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power or authority to win at the expense of the other's losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine - neither will lose, both will win.

In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love, and peace.

The Little Prince - Part I (Will I Be A Good Grown-Up)

"The Little Prince" gnawed at me from the very first time I stumbled upon it as a child.  I did not know then, but it will serve as my North Star at various points in my life.

The movie - from the time the teasers came out - could not have come at the most opportune time.  It prompted me to blow the dusts off the book (I bought a new copy a few years back since I did not have my own copy ... and then immediately forgot about it) and started me off on my journey back and forwards.

Where I stand now in my life's journey, the stirrings were nerve-wracking, to say the least. I needed time to properly digest and organize them in my ever-crowding head. (Sometimes I feel I'm crazy ... but that's a musing for another day). After much thought, I am ready to break them down into three learnings:

• I do not control my son's destiny ... and I shouldn't.
• I have control over mine, especially my dreams.
• Love, for the most part, is untamed.  Instead, it tames you.

I.  Will I Be A Good Grown-Up

One of the first scenes open up to the mother and the little girl lined up for the Werth Academie interview. The mother practices her daughter, but she fails the interview, being too focused on her practiced script that she did not "hear" the question. The girl apologized.

I realize that, as my son grew up, I dictated too much how he thought, spoke and acted.  I did not really allow him to make mistakes.  A word is barely out of his mouth before I interrupt him with my more important ideas and thoughts.  The times I stopped to listen and understand his thoughts were too few and far in between. I never really gained much insight to the bundle of possibilities hidden underneath.

I tried to maneuver him towards the path I knew was good for him, deliriously working through a plan to get him to his destiny.  Afterall, it is every parent's duty to equip their children to be successful for the big world. "Because, let's face it, you [they] will be all alone out there.  All. Alone." While the Life Plan organized by the mother is over the top, I must admit, it resembles our daily schedule (Cringe). 

But who was I to know what his destiny is?   Or what is the right direction to stir him to? "That's your version of my life.  Not mine." 

I did not content myself with that and continued on to define for him what are the essential things. But who was I to say what are the essential things he will need to get to his destiny? 

What it comes down to, really, is "like the grown-ups [I am] no longer interested in anything but figures ... Perhaps I am a little like the grown-ups.  I have had to grow old." I stopped asking "questions about essential matters." Instead, I was quick to point out what he was doing wrong and force him to fix it as I deem fit.

I see now how he has grown into someone who constantly requires affirmation, rarely confident to speak his true thoughts lest it displeases the grown-ups.  He has lost much of his self-confidence, always second guessing himself.  He cowers at trying anything remotely difficult lest he fails at it and gains the disapproval of grown-ups.  

One of the movie's song "Equation" was spot on ... and it broke my heart.

Have I made you cross 
Have I made you sad 
Have I made you proud
Mom 

Are you going to school 
Are you far from home 
Are you well alone
Dad 
Will I be a brave 
Will I be a bright 
Will I be a good grown up

He has learned to define "success" based on how the grown-ups around him reacted.

I need to trust that "Only [he] the children know what they are looking for" and that he will find it. I need to allow him to forge his own path and make mistakes along the way.

My greatest gift would be to teach him not to measure himself against the world's definition of success; to allow him to define it himself and go after it.  I need to teach him not to lose sight of the true essentials of being a good grown up and to understand, that being good does not make one weak.  And I need to teach him by modelling it.

Poetic Dose

... because when beautiful things end  ... or never begin ... the heart deserves to mourn appropriately.

Contemplating Up Dharma Down's "Oo" (Yes)

'Di mo lang alam, naiisip kita

You do not know, but I think of you
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako

Hopefully, you think of me too
'Di mo lang alam, hanggang sa gabi

You do not know, but through the night
Inaasam makita ka muli

I crave to see you once again

Nagtapos ang lahat sa 'di inaasahang

All of a sudden, everything ended
Panahon at ngayon ako'y iyong iniwang

And now I am left
Luhaan, sugatan, 'di mapakinabangan

In tears, wounded, useless
Sana nagtanong ka lang kung 'di mo lang alam

I wish you had just asked, if you only knew
Sana'y nagtanong ka lang kung 'di mo lang alam
I wish you had just asked, if you only knew

Ako'y iyong nasakatan

You have hurt me
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman

Perhaps somehow you would realize
Hindi mo lang alam kay tagal na panahon

If you only knew, for so long
Ako'y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa 'yo

I am still here for you

Lumipas mga araw na ubod nang saya

Days passed full of bliss
'Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta

My feelings have not changed
Kung ako'y nagkasala, patawad na sana

If I had done something wrong, forgive me
Ang puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal

My weary heart has loved only now

Oh, 'di mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan

If you only knew you hurt me
O baka sakali lang maisip mo naman

Perhaps somehow you would realize
Puro siya na lang, sana'y ako naman

It’s all about her, I wish it were me
'Di mo lang alam, ika'y minamasdan

If you only knew how I gaze at you
Sana'y iyong mamalayan

Perhaps somehow you would realize
Hindi mo lang pala alam, 'di mo lang alam
You don’t know, if you only knew

Kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang

Though we are just friends
Bumabalik lahat sa t'wing nagkukulitan

I keep going back to our fun teasing
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman

Perhaps you would realize
Ako'y nandito lang, hindi mo lang alam

I am here, if you only knew
Matalino ka naman

You’re smart anyway

Kung ikaw at ako ay tunay na bigo

If you and I truly won’t work
Sa laro na ito ay dapat bang sumuko?

In this game, must we give up?
Sana 'di ka na lang pala aking nakilala

I wish I had never known you
Kung alam ko lang ako'y iyong masasaktan

If I only knew how much I would hurt
Nang ganito, sana'y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

I wish I listened to my mother

Malas mo

Unlucky you
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko

You’re the one I fell for
'Di mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan

If you only knew, you hurt me

Poetic Doses

Off to dreamland
to catch the precious zzzz's
while still well within reach

Reset the clock
to the proper timetable
while the mind is free and untroubled


*****

Filipino is such a beautifully poetic and feeling language ... No English translation does it justice!

Contemplating Up Dharma Down's "Tadhana" (Destiny)

Sa hindi inaasahang
In an unexpected
Pagtatagpo ng mga mundo
Meeting of worlds
May minsan lang na nagdugtong
Connecting but once
Damang dama na ang ugong nito
Already it is palpable, throbbing

Di pa ba sapat ang sakit at lahat
Is the pain and everything else not enough
Na hinding hindi ko ipararanas sa'yo
Something I will not allow you to go through
Ibinubunyag ka ng iyong mata
Your eyes betray you
Sumisigaw ng pag-sinta
Screaming passion

Ba't di pa patulan
Why not fulfill
Ang pagsuyong nagkulang
Unmet affections
Tayong umaasang
Us, who yearn
Hilaga't kanluran
North and West
Ikaw ang hantungan
You are the end
At bilang kanlungan mo
And, as your cradle,
Ako ang sasagip sa'yo
I will be the one that saves you

Saan nga ba patungo
Where does it lead
Nakayapak at nahiwagaan na
On foot and enchanted
Ang bagyo ng tadhana ay
The storm of destiny
Dinadala ako sa init ng bisig mo
Takes me to the warmth of your arms

Ba't di pa sabihin
Why not speak it
Ang hindi mo maamin
What you dare not admit
Ipauubaya na lang ba 'to sa hangin
Shall we leave it to the wind
Wag mo ikatakot
Fear not
Ang bulong ng damdamin mo
The whispers of your heart
Naririto ako't
I am here
Nakikinig sa'yo
Listening to you

(Adlib Lyrics from a UDD gig)

Ba't di salubungin
Why not face it
Ang puso ko ay kunin
Take my heart
Ang diwang malaya
A free thought
Wag na wag magpabaya pa
Should not neglect anymore
Ikaw ang pag-ibig
You are the love
Pakinggan ang himig ko
Listen to my voice
Wag ka na sanang lalayo
Stray no more

Kung ito ay hihinto ...
If this will end ...


(And then they play "Oo" - which I haven't the time to contemplate now. Hehehe!)

Reflection on Readings: Faith, Hope & Love

"or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;" - ee cummings

I know of waiting and believing ... with hope and in faith.  And it seems all I had been doing all these years.  Thus, it is only human that my heart should grow weary and shut - in quiet and final acceptance.  I had been moving towards this resolution slowly and painfully these past months.  When Advent rolled in, I raised the inevitable white flag in complete surrender to whatever He has in store for me.  No kicking or thrashing anymore.

Imagine my surprise when the response came back kicking and thrashing!

Saturday with the S-Crew. I will save everyone the boring details, but, suffice it to say that the general message - to me, specifically - was:  Believe!

Sunday Misa de Gallo:
"Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled." (Luke 1:45)

Monday Misa de Gallo:
"Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled." (Luke 1:45)

Wait! What?!

Yes, exactly the same Gospel for 2 days - in a row.  The priest likened this to parents who repeatedly tell their children to eat their vegetables.  We repeat things that are important but difficult to follow. (But can you blame me?!)

Tuesday Misa de Gallo: (my favorite - song of Mary!)
"My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior.  For he has looked upon his lowly servant.  From this day all generations will call me blessed; the Almight has done great things for me, and holy is his Name." (Luke 1:46-49)

When the heart closes with absolute certainty, it takes more than simple repeated knocking to open it.

This verse did the trick.  For years, this has been my love song; a secret promise I hang on to for the fulfillment of my heart's deepest desires ... 3 in all.

It felt like He sang it to me, cooing ... and effectively persuaded the little girl to open the door once again to an onslaught of childhood and grownup monsters.

Wednesday 1st Reading:
"... and suddenly there will come to the temple the Lord whom you seek, and the messenger of the covenant whom you desire.  Yes, he is coming, says the Lord of hosts." (Malachi 3:1)

Since Sunday I had no other communion prayer except for the graces to believe in and be open to His love ... to find once again the reason to continue singing the Magnificat.

(And, as if to underline His message, Hillsong's "You'll Come" starts playing just as I complete the post!)

Poetic Dose

tic, toc, tic, toc
it's past 2 o' clock
hours after the sun has set
my mind remains unquiet,
chasing around snippets of you ...
hoping, somehow, i haunt your thoughts too -

now, at this very moment.