The Little Prince - Part I (Will I Be A Good Grown-Up)

"The Little Prince" gnawed at me from the very first time I stumbled upon it as a child.  I did not know then, but it will serve as my North Star at various points in my life.

The movie - from the time the teasers came out - could not have come at the most opportune time.  It prompted me to blow the dusts off the book (I bought a new copy a few years back since I did not have my own copy ... and then immediately forgot about it) and started me off on my journey back and forwards.

Where I stand now in my life's journey, the stirrings were nerve-wracking, to say the least. I needed time to properly digest and organize them in my ever-crowding head. (Sometimes I feel I'm crazy ... but that's a musing for another day). After much thought, I am ready to break them down into three learnings:

• I do not control my son's destiny ... and I shouldn't.
• I have control over mine, especially my dreams.
• Love, for the most part, is untamed.  Instead, it tames you.

I.  Will I Be A Good Grown-Up

One of the first scenes open up to the mother and the little girl lined up for the Werth Academie interview. The mother practices her daughter, but she fails the interview, being too focused on her practiced script that she did not "hear" the question. The girl apologized.

I realize that, as my son grew up, I dictated too much how he thought, spoke and acted.  I did not really allow him to make mistakes.  A word is barely out of his mouth before I interrupt him with my more important ideas and thoughts.  The times I stopped to listen and understand his thoughts were too few and far in between. I never really gained much insight to the bundle of possibilities hidden underneath.

I tried to maneuver him towards the path I knew was good for him, deliriously working through a plan to get him to his destiny.  Afterall, it is every parent's duty to equip their children to be successful for the big world. "Because, let's face it, you [they] will be all alone out there.  All. Alone." While the Life Plan organized by the mother is over the top, I must admit, it resembles our daily schedule (Cringe). 

But who was I to know what his destiny is?   Or what is the right direction to stir him to? "That's your version of my life.  Not mine." 

I did not content myself with that and continued on to define for him what are the essential things. But who was I to say what are the essential things he will need to get to his destiny? 

What it comes down to, really, is "like the grown-ups [I am] no longer interested in anything but figures ... Perhaps I am a little like the grown-ups.  I have had to grow old." I stopped asking "questions about essential matters." Instead, I was quick to point out what he was doing wrong and force him to fix it as I deem fit.

I see now how he has grown into someone who constantly requires affirmation, rarely confident to speak his true thoughts lest it displeases the grown-ups.  He has lost much of his self-confidence, always second guessing himself.  He cowers at trying anything remotely difficult lest he fails at it and gains the disapproval of grown-ups.  

One of the movie's song "Equation" was spot on ... and it broke my heart.

Have I made you cross 
Have I made you sad 
Have I made you proud
Mom 

Are you going to school 
Are you far from home 
Are you well alone
Dad 
Will I be a brave 
Will I be a bright 
Will I be a good grown up

He has learned to define "success" based on how the grown-ups around him reacted.

I need to trust that "Only [he] the children know what they are looking for" and that he will find it. I need to allow him to forge his own path and make mistakes along the way.

My greatest gift would be to teach him not to measure himself against the world's definition of success; to allow him to define it himself and go after it.  I need to teach him not to lose sight of the true essentials of being a good grown up and to understand, that being good does not make one weak.  And I need to teach him by modelling it.