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Thursday, May 07, 2015

"You Should Have Called"

"You should have called," he mimicked her.  "They've found 'You should have called' on hieroglyphics, on rune stones; I swear, it's been the battle cry of women since Eve." (James, Rosie)

It's funny, but it's true.  Since time immemorial, women have been waiting for men to call or visit. I guess we can blame it to the age-old rituals of courtship that, although evolving in the past century, have left basic principles and assumptions largely unchanged ... or still largely believed.

A man who loves a woman:

  1. Enjoys and longs to spend time with her
  2. Makes time for her
  3. Finds a way to be with her
  4. Gives and shows her importance
  5. Pays attention to her (Listens to both what is said and unsaid)

Because that is exactly how a woman is to the man she loves. Time is the woman's language of love. Thus, it is also the barometer by which she gauges the love given to her.

Of course, there are all these other considerations like:  physical attraction, same wavelength, same principles & values, faithfulness, honesty, respect, affection, etc.  But all of these are also measured, inevitably, in time.

And in that space of time that a woman waits - no matter how short - her mind, her beautifully active mind, goes on hyper mode.

"Love fills and creates the blackest voids.  The day with its promise of night loomed before her, waiting to be killed.  It was this pining obsession she disliked so much about love, he on her mind every second, all the while, suspecting that he was concentrating on his book, with periodic - and brief - fond thoughts of her."  (Elizabeth, Rosie)

And once the call doesn't come, it plants a tiny seed of doubt ... despite the dynamics being generally unchanged the next time it does.  The woman does what she can to shake it off, but sometimes it just persistently hangs heavy overhead.

"I find the pleasure of his company unchanged, despite the dark clouds passing silently above my heart."  (Renee, The Elegance of the Hedgehog)

Men do not seem to have any problem with this.  Perhaps it's the different wiring; the compartmentalized brain.

"It takes two minutes.  You know what a pain in the ass it is to be kept waiting for two hours." 
"I wouldn't do it.  I do not wait.  I would read."  (Elizabeth & James, Rosie)

Meantime, so much of life had gone by; so much productivity lost; so much unnecessary negative juju.

So, woman (in whatever form), don't wait.

  • There might be a perfectly plausible explanation.  Rather than analyzing and coming up with 1 million hypotheses, I bet you, it would be easier to just wait for the explanation.  Or ask. 
  • Maybe he is not quite there yet. Give him time.  Men (and some women, too) tend to be slow on the uptake when it comes to matters of the heart.
  • Or he is still uncertain.  Walk away.  Indecision, afterall, IS a decision. (I read somewhere).  

Whatever it is, if it is God's will, there will be a man worth the wait.  Someone who, once it hits him, won't make you wait ... but will make time stand still. Or make you wish that time would stand still.






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