Holy Wednesday: "Keep Your Eyes On Me. We Are Going Up To Jerusalem"

     On Holy Wednesday, Ate Aidah and I prepared for the upcoming 3 days of the retreat.  I set my intentions, more of questions, for the retreat; while Ate Aidah reminded me that the answers might not come.  What is important is the journey; the experience of reconnecting and re-establishing my relationship with Jesus.  She reminded me to hold on to the knowledge that Jesus is journeying with me and of His invitation from our earlier conversation:  "Keep your eyes on Me."

       After our session, I thought I'd prepare myself by going through the readings and taking Cardinal Tagle's Online Recollection.  

Holy Wednesday's Responsorial Psalm:  Psalm 69:33

"Lord, in Your great love, answer me."
"See, you lowly ones, and be glad; you who seek God, may your hearts revive!"

    

    Once Cardinal Tagle's Online Recollection began, I knew it was an inspired idea.  His recollection is anchored on Matthew 20:18 - "Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem." and focuses on Jesus's invitation to journey with Him as He fulfills His mission:  to suffer, die AND rise out of Love.  Doing so, according to Cardinal Tagle, requires conversion or renewal in hope, faith and charity.  To achieve this, we need to go back to the 3 disciplines of Lent:  prayer, fasting and almsgiving.

The following is a summary of what I learned from the Recollection.

Renewed Faith - Fasting

    Faith is accepting AND living the truth revealed in Jesus Christ.  Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life."  In faith, we accept that Jesus is the Truth.  In accepting that He is the Truth, we know that He is the Way to Life; the way to fulness and fulfillment of life.

    What does this have to do with Fasting? 

    Society has taught us that fulfillment of life is equal to SELF-fulfillment; getting what I want for myself.  Fasting is a form of self-denial, which helps us find fulness of life in Jesus rather than in the self.  

    Watchout:  The world would rather satisfy us so that we don't find satisfaction or fulfillment in Jesus; so that we will not accept Jesus's Truth.

Renewed Hope - Prayer

    Hope is focused on the future; hoping for the Father's mercy through Jesus's death and resurrection; hoping for the future that the Father holds for us through Jesus.  It is believing that history does not end in our mistakes ... or the sin that crucifies Love.  It is receiving with open heart the Father's forgiveness.

    Sometimes we are too focused on our failures and limitations.  (This was my favorite past time since  Anton's passing.  I went through all my failures and all the things I could have done better).  This leads to judgement and despair, which is contagious and can corrupt communities and countries.

    We recover Hope through PRAYER.

    Prayer silences the noise and enables us to hear and listen to the Father; to shed light in our lives; to inspire us; to offer, once again, the Love of Jesus. 

    Since Anton's passing, I stopped talking to Him.  I prayed the rosary and attended Mass by rote.  As they say, "Fake it till you make it." Keep at it with your head.  And, when you're ready, the heart will follow.  Those "mechanical" prayers acted as one-sided conversations with Him where I was only half-listening. Occasionally something would hit me, but I did not fully engage.  I guess this was my way of giving Him the cold shoulder.

    But, as with any relationship standoffs, it only prolonged my agony. (To be fair to me, I did not even realize I was upset at Him!).  I needed to be open to Him and lay my heart out to Him.  Only when I talk to Him will I understand the depths of His Love for me.  Only then will I understand the depths of His mercy.  And then I will have the courage to forgive myself and LIVE with the renewed hope that my failure/s is/are not the end of my story.

Renewed Love (Conversion to Love) - Almsgiving

    Love means to love in the footsteps of Jesus; the way He loved, showing concern and compassion for ALL, especially those treated harshly or non-existent or non-persons by society.  Love rejoices in seeing the other grow, even those that have wronged us.  Love suffers when you see others suffering.  Jesus's brand of Love makes you see and feel for EVERYONE.

    Almsgiving is not just donating, but caring for one another, especially for those who suffer.  It is offering with love, joy and simplicity.

    "The life of a community is sustained by the little acts of kindness; little acts that make people feel important, seen and loved."

 For the past months I had been zombie-walking through life, alive but not living.  And, although I know that healing does not happen overnight, I know the retreat is His way of resuscitating me.  Hearing Cardinal Tagle's recollection was a defibrillator.  After several months, I got a pulse!

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