Poetic Doses: Baler

Waves

I feel it always
Pulsating just beneath the surface
Like waves coming home
Constantly to the shore
Sometimes crashing in a rush
sometimes a weary gentle kiss
But it is there
Always
In endless search
For an escape
One day
Into the light.

Mind Suggestions

Sometimes we want things so badly

That we only see them 

for what we want them to be;

and not for what they truly are.

***

I wished only for a heart strong enough to love me;

But all I found was a stone that vaguely resembled a heart;

And in despair, I realized, there is not a heart quite like mine.

Flame

And there it was

The door with the tiny flame tree;

A lone bike parked in front,

This morning's freshly-picked tulips still in the basket;

There is comfort in the scene,

Like a feeling of homecoming;

I stood in front of the door for a few more moments,

Relishing every detail, unhurried;

I knew then, without a doubt,

I have found her;

This is where the search finally ends

And my forever begins.

("Pinto" by  Sherwin Gonzales)

Coraline's Child

I knocked;

She opened the door.

And there he was,

A child nestled, content, upon her bosom;

While my every hope and dream

Came spilling, crashing - one after another - on the floor.

She beamed.

I tried to smile despite my phantom tears.

And, as she reached out for an embrace,

I retreated, defeated, inside of me.

Still single?

Me, too.

Tentatively, I peered back out,

Tried to rearranged my life in my head.

She hoped.

I regretted.

This is her reality.

And it is not my dream.

(Painting by an artist from Baler)

Christmas Renewal

(Filipino Nativity:  Manny Baldemor)

Christmas this year was different, mostly because this year changed me; or, more appropriately, I had the courage to change, let go of my internal rules and just live. 

I allowed myself to take risks (within comfortable parameters, of course; too risk averse to just go all out cray cray), have fun and let loose, and deal with or revel in the consequences.  I lived my life in accordance with my values and spent my time (and resources) on things/people in direct proportion to their importance to me.

And what did I realize? 

• There are just too many things and people that I value, and just too little time --- so I can't go around wasting time on those that don't matter to me. 
• I want to do big things, but I have limited resources --- so I have to be more creative.
• I have grand ideas, waiting to be executed, but it's okay to start small.  It doesn't matter the size of the step.  What matters is it's in the right direction.

And, most of all, I realized that everything depends on God and His plans.  I realized (again; slow learner; repeat student) that the key to peace of mind is complete surrender to His Will and just allowing His plan to unfold.  Swim with it and it will get you to where you ought to be. Faster.

This Christmas was a lot more quiet for me.  It came so fast that I panicked.  Thankfully, there is always the Misa De Gallo novena Masses, which had always felt like Christmas retreats for me.  The readings and homilies, that bring to light old and new learnings, help me-refocus my perspective and recalibrate where I am vs. where I want to go (cross-reference to my other blog:  Compass).  They are a good reminder, that Christmas celebrates:

• God's Love for us:  (1) He loved us into being; (2) He loved us so much that He sent His only Son (unico hijo), not just to save us, but to show us how to Love.  "All things come to be through Him, and without Him nothing came to be."
• Jesus opening up eternal Life to us.  He basically gave us the road map to eternal Life, paving the way and opening the door for us through His death and resurrection.  "What came to be through Him was life, and this life was the light of the human race."
• Jesus as our Hope. So much of what is happening in the country and around the world has got me thinking "What has gotten into people?  Have we become so calloused and indifferent that we will let people and the earth just die?"  BUT "the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has NOT overcome it".   There is hope.  And, as long as there is hope, every little thing we do will add up and won't be for naught.  We will be "the spark that will ignite the rebellion" (Star Wars) which will "rage, rage against the dying of the light" (Dylan Thomas). 

John 1:1-18

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God.3 All things came to be through him, and without him nothing came to be. What came to be 4 through him was life, and this life was the light of the human race; 5the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. 6 A man named John was sent from God. 7 He came for testimony, to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him. 8 He was not the light, but came to testify to the light. 9 The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and the world came to be through him, but the world did not know him. 11 He came to what was his own, but his own people did not accept him. 12 But to those who did accept him he gave power to become children of God, to those who believe in his name, 13 who were born not by natural generation nor by human choice nor by a man’s decision but of God. 14 And the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us, and we saw his glory, the glory as of the Father’s only Son, full of grace and truth.15 John testified to him and cried out, saying, “This was he of whom I said, ‘The one who is coming after me ranks ahead of me because he existed before me.’ ” 16 From his fullness we have all received, grace in place of grace, 17because while the law was given through Moses, grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. 18 No one has ever seen God. The only Son, God, who is at the Father’s side, has revealed him.

Misa De Gallo - Day 9 (Addendum: HOLE)

We made it! And, boy, was the struggle real.  If it weren't for our list of prayer intentions, I would have gladly killed the alarm, rolled over and continued sleeping.  But we made it and it felt really good, especially since we are praying for some serious stuff.

The first reading was a head-nodder. It's nothing new, really, but it showcased how easily we are distracted by material luxuries and Man's folly at thinking he can do "great" things - in a different way.  David had thought of building a temple for the Ark of God, which had always been kept in a tent.  But God aptly pointed out to him: It was I who took you from the pasture and from the care of the flock to be commander of my people Israel..."  (Duh!) It was a long text of everything God had done for David and everything He planned to do for him.  But, the point is, God does not really need a grand temple.  Indeed, there is nothing we can do for God that can outdo what He has done and will do for us.  So, while it is a fitting honor, it is not as important as building a temple for Him in our hearts.  Afterall, it is all He has ever asked of us.



As our Parish Priest pointed out, all God needs is a HOLE to get into our lives, move us and turn things around.  I can't quite remember all that the acronym stood for (I'm getting old), but what stuck with me was the "O", making the daily ordinary Extraordinary by mixing in a bit of Love - because, really, "all we need is Love". (*wink*).





ADDENDUM:
So ... thanks to technology, I was able to get what HOLE stood for:

• Hiddenness - These days social media has become an integral part of our daily lives.  But it is in the most hidden and private areas that our unmasked, vulnerable and raw parts reside.  That is where God wants to be.  That is the part God wants to hold and loves the most.
• Ordinariness - The daily ordinary that we can turn into Extraordinary with Love.
• Lowliness - It is only when we recognize our lowliness, that we become more open to God's courtship.  In humility we become more malleable to His beautiful hands that mold us. 
• Emptiness - For only when we completely empty ourselves, can God fill us - full to the brim and overflowing (siksik, liglig at umaapaw).

2 Samuel 7:1-5, 8-12, 14, 16

1 When King David was settled in his palace, and the Lord had given him rest from his enemies on every side, 2 he said to Nathan the prophet, “Here I am living in a house of cedar, while the ark of God dwells in a tent!” 3 Nathan answered the king, “Go, do whatever you have in mind, for the Lord is with you.” 4 But that night, the Lord spoke to Nathan and said: 5 “Go, tell my servant David, ‘Thus says the Lord: Should you build me a house to dwell in? 8 “‘It was I who took you from the pasture and from the care of the flock to be commander of my people Israel. 9 I have been with you wherever you went, and I have destroyed all your enemies before you. And I will make you famous like the great ones of the earth. 10 I will fix a place for my people Israel; I will plant them so that they may dwell in their place without further disturbance. Neither shall the wicked continue to afflict them as they did of old, 11 since the time I first appointed judges over my people Israel. I will give you rest from all your enemies. The Lord also reveals to you that he will establish a house for you. 12 And when your time comes and you rest with your ancestors, I will raise up your heir after you, sprung from your loins, and I will make his Kingdom firm. 14 I will be a father to him, and he shall be a son to me. 16Your house and your Kingdom shall endure forever before me; your throne shall stand firm forever.’ ”

Misa De Gallo - Day 8

What is in a name? So much.  Sometimes it is prophetic.

Fr. Lambert said, in Jewish tradition, a child's name is important.  It is a pity that these days children's names are not as meaningful.

• Some names are given in honor of family members, which is why Elizabeth was questioned when she wanted to name her son John, when the more appropriate would have been Zechariah or any male name in their family.
• Some names highlight what the child means to the parents.  John means "YAHWEH is gracious"
• Some names call out the parents' beliefs and values.  Elijah means "my God is YAHWEH".  
• Some names indicate special abilities.  Raphael means "God is Healer" or "God has healed", an apt name for the Archangel who is instrumental in the healing of Tobit. Samson means "Sun child; bright child", which alludes to his tremendous strength.

The homily struck my son so much, that he researched the meaning of his name.  He came into my room and said, "Mom, my name means 'Man of God' or 'Soldier of God'". I looked at him and said, "And you need to live up to that name".  He looked at me solemnly and said, "I'm sorry, I am not a Man of God the past days"; and I saw a resolve in his eyes (that, I hope, holds out for longer than a day).

How many times have you inadvertently lived up to your name?  How many times have you disgraced it?

Luke 1:57-66

57 When the time arrived for Elizabeth to have her child, she gave birth to a son. 58Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown his great mercy toward her, and they rejoiced with her. 59When they came on the eighth day to circumcise the child, they were going to call him Zec

hariah after his father, 60 but his mother said in reply, “No. He will be called John.” 61 But they answered her, “There is no one among your relatives who has this name.” 62 So they made signs, asking his father what he wished him to be called. 63 He asked for a tablet and wrote, “John is his name,” and all were amazed. 64 Immediately his mouth was opened, his tongue freed, and he spoke blessing God. 65 Then fear came upon all their neighbors, and all these matters were discussed throughout the hill country of Judea. 66 All who heard these things took them to heart, saying, “What, then, will this child be?” For surely the hand of the Lord was with him.

Misa De Gallo - Day 7

Day 7's 1st Reading strongly resonates with me as a mother.  Like most girls, my pretend play centered around being a wife and a mother.  As I grew older, I did not know the magnitude of my heart's desire until my heart's secret prayer was answered even before I had the courage to speak it.

God gave me my son in a most unexpected way and time.  And my world was never the same.  I knew that he was a special gift from God and that God has a special purpose for him.  So, when I heard the 1st Reading, it was as if the verse spoke my heart.

It is our responsibility, as parents, to mold our children into the likeness of God; and to guide them gently towards the path God has chosen for them, a path that, we must acknowledge, is between God and our children.  At some point, "mother knows best" has to take a back seat and we let our children forge their own path, fully trusting that their lives are in God's hands.

That is why when my son asked about our parish's Prayer for vocations, I felt a joyful hope lightly tinged with nervous anticipation (my son is maturing by the day!).  It starts with awareness and recognizing the need.  And then we nurture --- steadily and daily, so that he translates this into action wholeheartedly.  Whatever his calling may be, my wish is that he will always have a heart of service for others.

1 Samuel 1:24-28

24 In those days, Hannah brought Samuel with her, along with a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour, and a skin of wine, and presented him at the temple of the Lord in Shiloh. 25 After the boy’s father had sacrificed the young bull, Hannah, his mother, approached Eli 26 and said: “Pardon, my lord! As you live my lord, I am the woman who stood near you here, praying to the Lord. 27 I prayed for this child, and the Lord granted my request. 28Now I, in turn, give him to the Lord; as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the Lord.” She left Samuel there.

And then, the Magnificat.  Mary's Song and my song, too.

Misa De Gallo - Day 6

#ChristmasFeels

The Song of Songs is one of my favorite books in the Bible.  More than the fact, that the verses embody every girl's dream of a romantic relationship, the book feels like a love song between me and my God.  And Day 6's 1st Reading captures perfectly the joy of knowing that He has come to save me --- because He is here, winter is over.

So I will just leave this here and share with you my #ChristmasFeels passage.


Song of Songs 2:8-14 (or Zephaniah 3:14-18)

8 Hark! my lover — here he comes springing across the mountains, leaping across the hills. 9 My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. Here he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattices. 10 My lover speaks; he says to me, “Arise, my beloved, my dove, my beautiful one, and come! 11 “For see, the winter is past, the rains are over and gone. 12 The flowers appear on the earth, the time of pruning the vines has come, and the song of the dove is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines, in bloom, give forth fragrance. Arise, my beloved, my beautiful one, and come! 14“O my dove in the clefts of the rock, in the secret recesses of the cliff, let me see you, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and you are lovely.”

Misa De Gallo - Day 5

The overall theme for Day 5's Readings is Obedience in Faith - both by Jesus and Mama Mary.  While Jesus, being God, knew exactly what He was saying "yes" to, I wonder if Mary had any inkling at all of what she was getting into based on St. Gabriel's greetings (which sounded like a really awesome deal, by the way).  I bet she felt there was more to it than just the simplistic way St. Gabriel put it.  And yet she said "yes" without hesitating nor asking further questions.

Both Mama Mary and Jesus said "yes" to the Father's will in full Obedience and Faith, out of Love. And, I believe, that is what makes their "yes" powerful and Christ's sacrifice, effective.

GOSPEL ACCLAMATION

O Key of David, opening the gates of God’s eternal Kingdom: come and free the prisoners of darkness!

Luke 1:26-38

26 In the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a town of Galilee called Nazareth, 27 to a virgin betrothed to a man named  Joseph, of the house of David, and the virgin’s name was Mary. 28And coming to her, he said, “Hail, full of grace! The Lord is with you.” 29 But she was greatly troubled at what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. 30 Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31 Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father, 33 and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of his Kingdom there will be no end.” 34 But Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I have no relations with a man?” 35 And the angel said to her in reply, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God. 36 And behold, Elizabeth, your relative, has also conceived a son in her old age, and this is the sixth month for her who was called barren; 37 for nothing will be impossible for God.” 38 Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” Then the angel departed from her.

Misa De Gallo - Day 4

(Side story)

"Mom, why didn't you wake me up?"  Because we had to finish my son's exams this week, I had to make the call of not letting him attend the Misa De Gallo; explaining to him that he needed to be alert in order to finish before Christmas.  I dangled Star Wars, for good measure, and he conceded.  He drew comfort from knowing that the presiding priest was not his favorite.

***
Have you ever wondered why angels in Scriptures typically start out conversations with "Do not be afraid"?  I read from one of Madeleine L'Engle's books that angels look scary.  Very plausible theory, I thought ... until I heard Day 4's readings.


In the 1st reading, Samson's mother described the angel as "terrible indeed"; while in the Gospel, Zechariah was described as "troubled by what he saw, and fear came upon him."  So, it must be true.  Angels are not the beautiful creatures we grew up to know. (I think we need to tell our children these stories truthfully.  Perhaps, then, beauty will not be as overrated as it is now).  Imagine seeing a scary creature who introduces itself as coming from God and actually bears good news?  What irony!  It must feel the same way as when going through trials.  Thus, no matter how terrible the trial is, we must trust that there is some good news enfolded in it.  In all my years I have proven time and again, every "bad" thing is actually a blessing in disguise.

Two other lessons were reinforced in the readings and deserve to be highlighted:

• Nothing can prevent fulfillment of God's will, not even our disbelief.  There will be repercussions for the lack of faith, yes, but His will always prevails.
• There is a proper time for everything.  Prayers are answered in God's proper time, when they are best able to serve their purpose.

Judges 13:2-7, 24-25

2 There was a certain man from Zorah, of the clan of the Danites, whose name was Manoah. His wife was barren and had borne no children. 3 An angel of the Lord appeared to the woman and said to her, “Though you are barren and have had no children, yet you will conceive and bear a son. 4 Now, then, be careful to take no wine or strong drink and to eat nothing unclean. 5 As for the son you will conceive and bear, no razor shall touch his head, for this boy is to be consecrated to God from the womb. It is he who will begin the deliverance of Israel from the power of the Philistines.” 6 The woman went and told her husband, “A man of God came to me; he had the appearance of an angel of God, terrible indeed. I did not ask him where he came from, nor did he tell me his name. 7 But he said to me, ‘You will be with child and will bear a son. So take neither wine nor strong drink, and eat nothing unclean. For the boy shall be consecrated to God from the womb, until the day of his death.’ ” 24 The woman bore a son and named him Samson. The boy grew up and the Lord blessed him; 25 the Spirit of the Lord stirred him.

Luke 1:5-25

5 In the days of Herod, King of Judea, there was a priest named Zechariah of the priestly division of Abijah; his wife was from the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. 6 Both were righteous in the eyes of God, observing all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blamelessly. 7 But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren and both were advanced in years. 8 Once when he was serving as priest in his division’s turn before God, 9 according to the practice of the priestly service, he was chosen by lot to enter the sanctuary of the Lord to burn incense. 10 Then, when the whole assembly of the people was praying outside at the hour of the incense offering, 11 the angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right of the altar of incense. 12 Zechariah was troubled by what he saw, and fear came upon him. 13 But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zechariah, because your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall name him John. 14 And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, 15 for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He will drink neither wine nor strong drink. He will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from his mother’s womb, 16 and he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God. 17 He will go before him in the spirit and power of Elijah to turn the hearts of fathers toward children and the disobedient to the understanding of the righteous, to prepare a people fit for the Lord.” 18 Then Zechariah said to the angel, “How shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife is advanced in years.”19 And the angel said to him in reply, “I am Gabriel, who stand before God. I was sent to speak to you and to announce to you this good news. 20 But now you will be  speechless and unable to talk until the day these things take place, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled at their proper time.” 21Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and were amazed that he stayed so long in the sanctuary. 22 But when he came out, he was unable to speak to them, and they realized that he had seen a vision in the sanctuary. He was gesturing to them but remained mute. 23 Then, when his days of ministry were completed, he went home. 24 After this time his wife Elizabeth conceived, and she went into seclusion for five months, saying, 25 “So has the Lord done for me at a time when he has seen fit to take away my disgrace before others.”

Misa De Gallo - Day 3

Sunday is family day.  And, since our sister can't come over my parents' house, we brought family day to her with the intent of going to Sunday Mass in the evening. It turned out that some of the evening Sunday Mass schedules got cancelled to give way to Simbang Gabi (the anticipated Mass version of Misa De Gallo).  Thus, while attending Mass with the family, we had Day 3 covered already.  Yey!

Matthew 1:18-25

18 This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. When his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found with child through the Holy Spirit. 19 Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man, yet unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her quietly. 20 Such was his intention when, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your  home. For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her.21 She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” 22 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23 Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel, which means “God is with us.” 24 When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home. 25 He had no relations with her until she bore a son, and he named him Jesus.

It was a blessing that we were able to attend Mass at the St. Benedict Church in Sta. Rosa.  The priest gave very good insights on St. Joseph and what he was like, based on the very few verses written about him in Scriptures.  St. Joseph was:

• A man of few words. He had not said any Bible quotable quotes, not even when he and Mama Mary found Jesus at the temple after days of looking for him.  It was Mary who mildly admonished Jesus.  BUT he was ...
• A man of faith IN action.  He acted upon all of God's bidding immediately and without question.
• A man of meditation and reflection.  He is, I just found out from the priest, also the patron of sleepyheads and dreamers.  In the middle of chuckling, I realized, that would be most apt --- because that's all he did in the Bible:  receive instructions in dreams.  But, if we look at it more closely, this means that he gives time for quiet meditation and reflection which enables him to "listen" to and receive God's message.
• A hardworking and meticulous man.  Jesus was known as the Carpenter's son, so St. Joseph must have been quite notable in his trade.  And, if we go deeper into one of Jesus' famous lines: "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." - we will see the influences of St. Joseph.  A yoke, in order to be easy, needs to fit the animal's body structure perfectly and smoothened out; else, it will cause bruising or wound the animal. 

• A good father. While Jesus is the Son of God, He is also the son of Joseph, the Carpenter.  In choosing Joseph to be Jesus' earthly father, we see God's wisdom.  Joseph's principles, values and living example helped form Jesus, in His critical years of growing up, to be a good man.

Misa De Gallo - Day 2

My son had another pleasant surprise at Mass when the Responsorial Psalm was read.  His eyes widened and mouthed "Magnificat!".  Mary's song is part of our daily prayers and he felt very proud knowing it as it was being read.

Luke 1:46-48, 49-50, 53-54

R: My soul rejoices in my God.

46 My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; 47 my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, 48 for he has looked upon his lowly servant. From this day all generations will call me blessed. (R) 49 The Almighty has done great things for me, and holy is his Name. 50 He has mercy on those who fear him in every generation. (R)53 He has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty. 54 He has come to help of his servant Israel for he has remembered his promise of mercy. (R)

Although Mary's Song is one of my favorite prayers, this time it was the Gospel and the homily that resonated with me.

John 1:6-8, 19-28

6 A man named John was sent from God.7 He came for testimony, to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him. 8 He was not the light, but came to testify to the light.19 And this is the testimony of John. When the Jews from Jerusalem sent priests and Levites to him to ask him, “Who are you?” 20 he admitted and did not deny it, but admitted, “I am not the Christ.” 21 So they asked him, “What are you then? Are you Elijah?” And he said, “I am not.” “Are you the Prophet?” He answered, “No.” 22 So they said to him, “Who are you, so we can give an answer to those who sent us? What do you have to say for yourself?” 23 He said: “I am the voice of one crying out in the desert, make straight the way of the Lord, as Isaiah the prophet said.” 24 Some Pharisees were also sent. 25 They asked him, “Why then do you baptize if you are not the Christ or Elijah or the Prophet?” 26 John answered them, “I baptize with water; but there is one among you whom you do not recognize, 27 the one who is coming after me, whose sandal strap I am not worthy to untie.” 28 This happened in Bethany across the Jordan, where John was baptizing.

The point of the Gospel is that John is not the Christ.  He is merely preparing the way for Christ Himself.  (I am reminded of this everytime we passed by the street sweepers on our way to Mass. Hidden figures making sure the roads are clean before first light.)

Christmas Season is such a big event for us, Filipinos.  We have so many customs and traditions that truly make it the Season of Giving.  And it's good.  But, sometimes, all of the festivities distract us from the true essence of Christmas, which is Christ's birthday.  

The second point that struck me was that John is the "voice in the desert".  I picture desert as a desolate and quiet place, very different from all the merriment and parties.  Amidst all the festivities, may we find a quiet place where we can listen to John's voice.  (For me, that has been the Misa De Gallo).  Afterall, Jesus is the reason for the Season.

Misa De Gallo - Day 1

For years, my sister and I have kept the tradition of going to the Misa De Gallo (or Simbang Gabi or Misa De Aguinaldo - Dawn Mass) novena Masses leading up to Christmas.  My son had joined us sporadically.  At first, he just wanted to go wherever Mama and Auntie goes; then it depended on whether we would eat early morning breakfast at either one of his favorite restaurants afterwards.

This year I talked to him about why we go to Misa De Gallo and was hoping he would go out of his own volition.  I said, if he ever decides to go, it should be with his whole heart; otherwise, it would be useless.  I promised to wake him up and let him decide.

December 16 morning was the first day. Dutifully, I knocked on his door and woke him up.  He said, "I'm not ready to go po.  I don't have a full heart po.  Maybe tomorrow po."  I said, these are novena Masses, so he needed to start from the very first day.  He came, half-heartedly.

At Mass, I could tell the kid was struggling ... and then we stood up for Gospel Acclamation:

"Alleluia, Alleluia.  Come, Lord, bring us Your peace that we may rejoice before You with a perfect heart.  Alleluia, Alleluia."

He shot an amazed look my way and I smugly flashed him my best "I-told-you-so" smile (sometimes my son thinks I'm savant; sometimes I play it up, but most of the time I thank God for the gift of mother's instincts).  I made a mental note to process it with him later.  But, since errands overtook me, I just managed a text message (yes, we leverage technology that way):  "Sometimes the heart needs a little prodding/push.  I'm glad you came this morning.  I think you are, too, right?"  To which he replied, "Opo" (Yes).

But, for me, the important part was when our parish priest, Fr. Lambert, effectively set it up for my son (and everyone in attendance) by breaking down the different facets of the Dawn Mass.

1. Misa De Gallo (Gallo = Tandang = Rooster).  Historically, it is called Misa De Gallo because it happens at the crack of dawn, when roosters welcome the new day.  This primarily catered to farmers who had to start working on their fields before the sun rose.  Thus, it is a Mass to kickstart our day.
2. Simbang Gabi (Evening Mass).  The Mass happens while most are still asleep; while the sky is still dark.  Picture how this happens in the fields, where there is little electricity.  Farmers waking up and walking in the dark towards the church with just their lamps. Pinpricks of light slowly coming together towards the church.  Also, for our chosen time slot - 5:30 am, it is symbolic that, when we enter the Church it is still dark.  But, when the Mass ends, there is already some light as we step out of the Church --- much like how it is when Christ came into the world in darkness and brought it into the light.
3. Misa De Aguinaldo (Gift).  It is, first and foremost, a gift. The Mass is a channel for the outpouring of Christ's blessings and graces on those attending AND everyone they are praying for. (Another amazed look from my son to me.  We had listed down everyone we wanted to pray for.  Sometimes someone else has to confirm it before he believes anything I say).  Even the readings attest to this.  All the circumstances around Samson's, John the Baptist's, and Jesus' birth are impossible.  And, yet, they happened --- so ask in faith BOLDLY!
4. Novena Masses. We attend the Mass for 9 consecutive days.  Anything done consistently and consecutively creates a habit.  The assumption is that, since these are Masses, what we learn translates into our lives, creating positive habits and enabling a slow but sure change for the good.
5. In honor of Mary.  The Masses honor the 9 months during which Mama Mary awaited the birth of her Son, Jesus Christ.  In these 9 days, we walk with her in hopeful anticipation and faithful preparation for the second coming of Jesus.

After the homily, I noticed a renewed fervor at how my son participated in the Mass.  He was genuinely happy on our drive back home having found rhyme and reason (other than breakfast out) for waking up extra early just to attend Misa De Gallo.

Bigger Bear Series: When Club Teachers Go "On Strike"

It was the weekend before our Homeschool community's Christmas party and our FB group messaging was going crazy.  What's all the fuss? I figured the organizers were giving last-minute details and (like any normal girl/boy-scout-homeschooling stage mom/dad) the mommies/daddies were probably throwing very creative "why-didn't-we-think-about-that" questions.

But, while there were instructions, these were not the reason for the messaging frenzy.

Apparently, both our Voice coach and Hiphop teacher were suddenly unavailable (there must be some sort of conspiracy).  On Monday.  Our final practice day.  Just two days before the actual presentation today.

Did I mention we were also suddenly two kids short? Just two, you say?  We have less than 10 kids in each club.  The two matter.  A lot.

Oh, and, by the way, it's our first offsite Christmas party --- at Enchanted Kingdom (capacity: 20,000 people), no less.  The kids will be presenting on stage in front of a huge audience outside of our humble Homeschool community.

In just a few hours, we were fully staffed with pairs of Teacher Mommies and a Junior High School Ate (just mildly forced *wink*) volunteering to help the kids practice their songs and dance number.  AND we had kids coming in as reinforcements.  Yehey!

Monday rolled in with the Teacher Mommies, Ate (big sister) and the participating kids coaching (and semi-arguing with) each other on the presentations.  Monday ended with a partly decent output and a solemn promise to practice at home.

Today I woke up feeling it came way too soon.  But I found comfort in seeing that everyone was there and raring to give 200%.  We ran through the entire musical twice.  After the second run through, it felt like we needed 10 more.  But the show must already go on by then, so we dove right into it with a little prayer and a little faith.  And, somehow, the actual presentation just magically came together.

It was beautiful!

What we lacked in professional training, practice and technical experience, we more than made up with a lot of heart.  There was tremendous love in the chaos.  And, although I did not have a chance to take photos, "Kodak moments" (happy to use a term the millennials do not know, for a change) abounded.

These are some of the snapshots I stored in my memory bank:

• The gloomy weather giving way to fine weather --- because we all prayed for it!
• Everyone's joy at seeing the two kids who originally couldn't come due to a medical emergency
• Our Teacher Mommy Production Lead calling out instructions to no one in particular ... and random mommies and daddies doing them
• Homeschool Alumnus Kuya (big brother, also just mildly forced) stepping up to lead the choir
• Daddy Host popping his head from behind the black curtain to prompt the audience to clap their hands for the Admin Team's presentation
• Mommies ghost singing along with the choir to help their voices carry through the open air venue
• Mics "jumping" up (where the actors are) and down (where the orchestra and choir are) the stage --- at just the right times
• Mommies and daddies  (not necessarily the corresponding parents) lifting orchestra and choir kids onto the stage for the final dance number
• Mommies in front of the stage, shamelessly dancing in full view of everyone to guide the Hiphop crew
• Other kids and a number of brave mommies joining in towards the end, just like a mob dance
• Everyone's heartfelt singing of our birthday song to Jesus
• One of our kid actors holding up the heavy cake for the entire duration of the slow and long birthday song, clearly feeling the weight by the second, but still managing a bright smile
• Everyone hugging and congratulating each other after the show
• Kids trooping out arm-in-arm to enjoy the rides together 
• Parents giving in to their inner child and screaming their stresses away on the rides

Looking back to the events of the past few days, I realized, when Club Teachers go "on strike", things have the potential to get exponentially better --- because, then, stage moms and dads unite. And we all know anything  done out of love almost always turns out perfect.

Thank you to Mommy Events Head and her amazing team’s blood, sweat and tears for an EKstraordinarily EKciting EK Christmas.  Sa uulitin!

Bigger Bear Series: The Blessings of a Pest Invasion

A couple of months ago we discovered termites around our room.  We did what any normal people would - we boxed up our stuff, called the exterminators and blamed our neighbor's mango tree (that I, incidentally, enjoy looking at while I work from home.  It's a beautifully lush mango tree --- that harbors termites) for the invasion.

Needless to say, last month's pest control session was an ordeal - from the boxing to the unboxing.  After some sufficient grumbling and name calling, I managed to calm down and find the silver lining --- sometime around 2 am in the morning, in the middle of a pile of boxes, holding a card that A made for me.

Here are a few things I learned:

1. You know you have way too much stuff when there are pests wanting to take part in the bounty.
2. You don't need more storage space.  No. You need to let go and declutter.  Get rid of all that excess baggage.  It's time for those pre-loved items to move on with someone else. Trust me, the resulting gloriously breathable space is liberating!  
3. Out of sight, out of mind.  I discovered an "old" new pair of shoes that I had never worn.  I don't even remember when I bought them!  Obviously, it was a want, not a need --- which made me seriously re-think my buying habits.  I realized, there are so much more worthwhile uses for the money I used to buy my "wants" pretending to be "needs".  
4. A good cleaning brings to light hidden treasures.  I found a folder filled with A's treasures and what I found tugged at my heartstrings.  There are so many moments when I feel hopelessly clueless about being a mother and I wonder whether I am doing enough to prepare him for life. What I found in that folder reassured me that he will be fine. (Sniff!)
5. There is a season for everything. There are things you used so much before, that you hardly need now.  There are things you used to do everyday, that you just can't squeeze into your days anymore.  And, sometimes, getting back to them can be good therapy.
6. We grow and, consequently, outgrow things.  Aside from the obvious: clothes that won't fit me anymore, I found things that I once valued and kept, that just didn't serve me anymore.  I got rid of a lot of work stuff. (Yeah!) What I kept were all the notes I received from different people who walked with me through the years --- some of them are still around (permanent fixtures in my life that I am truly grateful for), while some have walked on to separate paths.
7. Every now and then, we all need a good walk down memory lane to: (1) marvel at how far we've gone; (2) pat ourselves on the back for how much we've grown; (3) be reminded of all those beautiful and bittersweet moments we shared with individuals who helped mold us into who we are; (4) go back to our roots and remember who we are; and (5) be grateful to Life's Author for loving our characters into being.

Who would have thought this whole termite deal would take me to an emotional rollercoaster ride?  Ironically, the damn termites did me more good than bad.  I learned, once again, how God works in VERY mysterious ways.  And He's got one heck of a sense of humor. (Ha. Ha. Ha, God! But, seriously, thank You! I needed this).