Poetic Dose: Across My Universe

nothing or no one can
turn your world upside down,
burst your impregnable bubble,
steer your course into a different direction,
or shift your universe ... 
the way a child does ---
wonderfully
irrevocably.


ACROSS THE UNIVERSE - By Rufus Wainwright

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter, shades of life are ringing through my open ears
Inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on, across the universe
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Poetic Doses: Restless Insomnia Nights

If I can avert a storm from its path,
I can surely calm the storm raging within your heart.

***
gift

little girl, little girl, don't cry
it will only hurt for awhile.
come, now, come; let us,
together, rock the pain away.

what is it you clutch
so tightly against your chest?
come, now, come; let us,
together, pry those hands open.

little girl, little girl, don't cry
open these tightly clenched fists.
come, now, come; let us,
together, let this button go.

little girl, little girl, don't cry
see, in this little box are your true gifts.
come, now, come; let us,
together, set free what's been waiting for you.

***
i am ready

some old habits are hard to break
but i am, finally, breaking free of you ...

finally, i am ready
to mourn you;
for eyes, washed with tears,
to see you for who you are;
for heart, unlocked,
to be unburdened of you;
for feet, on level ground,
to walk resolutely away.

finally, i am ready
to be loved;
beheld by eyes
that see me fully;
safe within the heart
that will cherish me;
dancing with feet
that will walk with me all my life.

finally, i am ready
to take flight;
to love, heart wide open,
unguarded.

and he will be there.
he
will be
here.

***
fool

what use is there
in letting your heart get broken
over and over and over
again?

what fool is there
who walks into a torture chamber
with eyes wide open
dancing?

only me
only for you
only then
but never again.

Reflection on Readings / Bigger Bear Series: What I Learned from "Storks"

 I like watching animated movies, which I consider modern day storybooks.  And I am grateful for the army of storytellers (armed with pens, inks, colors and sounds - in all forms) who work together, investing blood, sweat and tears into every production.  I honor you all!

For me, each animated movie is a wonderful work of art.  If a picture paints a thousand words, an animated film speaks volumes by enabling us to put down our guards just enough to reach into the depths of our souls.

"Storks" was no different.

So, what did I learn from it? A lot.  Summed up in five words:  Choices, Consequences, Hopefulness, Patience and Unstoppability.

• It's not easy making the right Choices all the time because ...

• We are given to selfishness.  Jasper fell inlove with baby Tulip that he wanted to keep her for himself.
• Society's wisdom and values are folly to God.  Hunter thought it was more profitable to just deliver objects and gadgets.  But the storks' true calling is to deliver babies! He also thought it was wise to fire Tulip.
• We are scared to make a stand.  Junior did not feel it right to fire Tulip, so he made a compromise by weaving a lie.

That is why we should always pray ...

Psalm 119:66

Teach me wisdom and knowledge, for in your commands I trust.

Psalm 119:125

I am your servant; give me discernment that I may know your decrees.

• For each choice, there is a Consequence and it does not just impact us ...

• Jasper's clouded judgement resulted to Tulip's beacon being broken, so she could not be delivered to her family.
• Hunter's decision made the Storks more profitable, but it also resulted to incomplete families around the world.
• Junior's web of lie spun out of control. We all know lies do that, so I won't expound anymore. Watch the movie (if you haven't) for an actual illustration of how bad a lie can get.

But each consequence is not as much a punishment as it is a lesson that points us to the right direction.

Psalm 119:71
It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn your statutes.
Job 42:5-6
I had heard of you by word of mouth, but now my eye has seen you. 6 Therefore I disown what I have said, and repent in dust and ashes.

• One choice does not define us.  It's the consolidation of all our choices (and, mind you, they're not all right) that do. Not all consequences are permanent.  And, even for those that are, there is always a way to make it right. Nothing is hopeless.  Choose to believe and remain Hopeful by allowing God to show you what He sees - that people can (positively) surprise you.
• Against all odds, Jasper looked for the pieces of the beacon.  And even when he couldn't find the final piece, he decided to make it right by offering to be Tulip's family.
• Nate's belief planted a seed of hope in his parents' hearts, that perhaps they would get stork baby delivery.
• Tulip remained hopeful that she would find her family.
• Junior, amidst all the mishaps, remained hopeful till the end that he would be able to deliver the baby to her parents.

Luke 10:23
Turning to the disciples in private he said, “Blessed are the eyes that see what you see.

• Some things take time to fix.  Some lessons take time to learn. "Stay the course" (Margaret, Once). Be Patient.
• It took 18 years for Jasper to have the opportunity to complete the delivery of Tulip to her family.
• Things never went as planned or within the target timelines, but Junior and Tulip eventually got to deliver the baby to the Gardner family.
• Tulip's parents didn't get the baby they wanted when they wanted it, but they did not stop living.  Then Tulip came, eighteen years later, but at the right time - because it had to be after she made all the mistakes that led to Storks going back to delivering babies.
• Don't stop, because God's Will (and the graces and blessings that go with it) is Unstoppable.  It will come.

Job 42:2

I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be hindered.

Job 42:12

Thus the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his earlier ones.

Job 42:17

Then Job died, old and full of years.

Who would've have thought I'd learn so much from a children's animated film, huh? Just goes to show, that sometimes we find what we're looking for in the least likely places, when we least expect them. So, if you haven't found your "flock" (or whatever it is you're looking for) yet, remain hopeful because the happy ending (the bigger bear!) God has written for you is unstoppable.

Poetic Dose: Chances

CHANCES

The room held
You
Me;

And all the words
Unspoken
In between;

Vast empty space
Shrinking
In the screaming silence;

So close
Just barely touching
Unyielding;

Farewell
And the moment passes
Lost to us forever.

Bigger Bear Series: Love, Like Driftwood

One of the perks of working for a multinational company is the chance to go on business trips.  These trips give me a chance to more affordably visit family (and friends) from various parts of the world. Most recently, I stopped by my cousin's in LA.  I was hoping for a quick Grand Canyon trip, but there are more important things than checking off bucket lists - like catching up on the past 10 million years of our lives and rekindling my childhood faith in storybook romances.

My realizations:

• The weekend was grossly insufficient for all the catching up we need to do.  I definitely have to go back.
• I grew up worshiping the ground my cousin walked on.  She was, to me, the epitome of class and sophistication. Several years later, she has maintained that air of sophisticated grace while going about daily ordinary tasks.
• As a child, I thought to myself, "when I grow up, I would want to be just like her". Fast forward to today and "sophisticated" is the last word anyone would think to describe me. BUT, I realized, that what drew me to her was the fact that we are alike in so many ways:  OC (wanting everything to be perfect), strict sense of decorum, respect for authority, strong but submissive, big on maintaining composure at all times, perpetually in a dilemma between expressing love and holding back for fear of spoiling the beloved. (Yes, we are both highly complex individuals - perhaps a little crazy in the head, too).

But my most important takeaways from the weekend revolve around the love within her beautiful family:

• The family that prays together, stays together. They do!  And they're rock solid.
• Love conquers everything ... even 3 completely different individuals.  My cousin, her husband and their daughter couldn't be more eclectic.  But they mesh really well, like fruit cocktail. Thanks to the amazing syrup, called Love. (Yeah, I agree, cheesy analogy)
• For every man is a woman who is his True North.  Through the years (and girlfriends), my cousin-in-law found himself compelled to: (1) check in on my cousin time and again; (2) keep her as benchmark against whom every girl had to measure up to; (3) admit to himself (and, to some extent, his ex-girlfriends) that he simply cannot reciprocate their affections because his heart remained bound to her. And, so, he put a ring on it (my cousin's finger, in case that wasn't obvious).
• The rest are affirmations of last month's reflections (I Am LoveSick):

1. Every now and then we need some breathing room.  Sometimes the other room works; sometimes it needs to be farther.  Sometimes counting to five is enough, sometimes it needs a much longer time.  
2. Timing is crucial.  If your life stages are not in sync, it will be like fitting a square peg into a round hole.  Don't force anything now.  When the time is right for both of you, it will be as if stars aligning.  
3. Life is a ball.  When a partner decides to move on to the next partner, don't skip that beat.  Dance with your next partner.  Just keep dancing.  Sometimes you circle back into each other's arms.  Sometimes you stumble into the arms of the one, who will want to walk with you through the gardens for the rest of the evening.

A toast from a Hallmark movie, "Surprised By Love", summarizes it perfectly:

" ... the tide may have taken you here or there, but true love - like driftwood - reinvents itself and stands the test of time.  To Love, may it always find its way."

I was so moved by what I witnessed over the weekend, that these words just came tumbling through my head as I watched the sunset during my flight ...

In solitude

My heart calls for you

And you come

In whispers, yes,

But you come

Always

Although

Never enough

Each time I am left

Wanting

Craving always

More

Let it end!

Must it end?

Poetic Doses: MSP, Plane Thoughts

Poetic Doses: Cafe Window, North Star

Cafe Window

With a start he realizes
Love breathes

In the deepest recesses of his heart;

And it wakens,
Roaring back to life,
With just a fleeting vision of her
After so many years

Through the cafe window.

North Star

He joined the old man on the rock ledge.

Through the tobacco smoke, he stared up at the North Star ...

"You never told me," he began.

"What do you mean?", the old man asked.

"You said, 'for every man is a woman who will be his true North' ..."

The old man puffed, waiting.

"You never said she would be exactly like the North Star ...

always within sight, but painfully just out of reach."

His grandfather looked at him intently, 

then at the house 

and through the porch window,

where she was painting ---

oblivious to the observers

and

the heart that beats for her.

I Am LoveSick

This is not a review of the play. I am no authority on the rudiments and technicalities, so I won't go there.

BUT I would recommend it to everyone, because it presents the realities of relationships in the same way that sugar makes it easy to swallow a bitter pill.  I recommend it to everyone, because everyone needs to look in the mirror, truly see themselves and recognize the work-in-progress --- who is far from perfect, but also far better than the first draft.  I recommend it to everyone, because each relationship is a dance with another work-in-progress --- who may not always be the version compatible to the current version of YOU.

That said, I shall move on to the heart of this blog:  The part which struck me most, the final act which tied in all the other acts.  Specifically, this line:  "Why doesn't anyone ever call it destiny ... [when you end up alone]?"

It triggered a barrage of "a-ha!'s" and a realization that I am LoveSick.  It's a barrage, so bear with me as I try to articulate all of them as best as I can.

1. Every now and then we need some breathing room.  Sometimes the other room works; sometimes it needs to be farther.  Sometimes counting to five is enough, sometimes it needs a much longer time.  
2. Timing is crucial.  If your life stages are not in sync, it will be like fitting a square peg into a round hole.  Don't force anything now.  When the time is right for both of you, it will be as if stars aligning.  
3. Life is a ball.  When a partner decides to move on to the next partner, don't skip that beat.  Dance with your next partner.  Just keep dancing.  Sometimes you circle back into each other's arms.  Sometimes you stumble into the arms of the one, who will want to walk with you through the gardens for the rest of the evening.
4. Remember your name.  Do not allow yourself to get lost in everyday trivial things nor allow your relationships to define you.  You are important, too.  Relationships are meant to expand, not restrict.  Also, be wary of the tendency to restrict yourself and blaming other people for your self-inflicted misery.
5. Alone times are our destiny. Life is a solo journey.  We come into the world alone.  And we leave it alone.   Therefore, alone times are, actually, normal. Those are your lucid intervals, when you see and understand things more clearly.  Afterall, hindsight is always 20/20. 
6. Someone loved you first. Allow Him to show you the beauty of your lights and shadows together - through His looking glass. Revel in His love and  allow yourself to love YOU (buy yourself a self-love ring!). 
7. All we need is Love.  Only when you've learned to love yourself are you better able to give love and accept the love coming your way (or has been knocking at your door).

Finally, when your stars have aligned, Love is a decision.  In whatever form it may be, it is a decision you need to make. Every. Single. Day.  

Make no mistake, it takes a LOT of grace (between gritted teeth).  So, pray.

Poetic Dose: Morning Dew

Morning Dew

I enjoy mornings like this,
when everything is bright and yawning awake
with the morning dew
like a fresh layer of tears ...

"I cried for you," she said,
looking at me for the first time.
I turned to her, puzzled,
my eyes searching hers as she looked back to the fields.
"I'm not oblivious.  I'm an artist.  I feel everything --- intensely ...
Love, especially."

I had no words, just morning dew upon my cheeks,
as I watched her walk away from me
forever.

Reflection on Readings / Bigger Bear Series: A Weekend of Fire

This weekend was all about FIRE.

It was the opening week of "Ignacio De Loyola".  We were urged by friends from the community not to wait for the weekend to watch, since movies like this sometimes do not make it to the weekend due to low turnout.  We've been waiting for this, so we decided to carve out time for it.

My sister was supposed to watch with me and my son.  She even bought the tickets herself via SureSeats.  But she had to finish some work, so my Mom went with us.

A:  "Mom, is it Lola's first time?"
Me: "First time ... ?"
A:  "First time to watch a movie"

My son's 11 years old.  He doesn't remember my Mom ever watching a movie.  That's how long it's been since she last stepped into a cinema ... and we feel blessed watching "Ignacio De Loyola" together.

I felt bad my sister wasn't able to join us for the movie because it was highly relevant to where we both stand in our lives right now. BUT she came with me to the Parents' Recollection at CFA and it was just as good ... because both revolved around the same theme:  Fire.

There are 3 Aspects of God's Fire:

1. Refiner's Fire
2. Heart on Fire
3. One Match

REFINER'S FIRE

1st Reading
Ecclesiastes 1:2; 2:21-23
"Vanity of vanities, says Qoheleth, vanity of vanities! All things are vanity!"

"Ignacio De Loyola" starts off with the forging of the saint's sword in fire. This was symbolic of the difficult purification he had to undergo later in life, its depiction in the movie was a blend of Christ's temptation and agony in the garden.  I imagine the inner turmoil is similar for each of us whenever we are tested; and the same anguish at realizing that we once again gave in to our weaknesses. At the end of it God's voice echoed in his heart, "You are forgiven."  So are we.  Each time.

During his inquisition, Ignacio's journal was submitted for scrutiny.  In it, he chronicled the constant struggle against vanity and his regular exercises of checking his intentions - does he do things for God's glory or his?

Homeschooling is not easy.  There are good days and bad days.  And, sometimes, the good days are too few and too far in between.  On those days, Monster Mom makes frequent appearances and I torture myself with deprecating self-talk - totally deserved.  I apologize to my son (and he apologizes, too) and he forgives me, saying, "Let's try again, Mama".  Each time.

As a homeschooling parent, I have the tendency to equate my son's academic success or failure to my success or failure as parent.  I constantly need to ground myself on my reason for homeschooling:  my son.  It's not about me.  It's about him entirely.  I should respect my son's pace and capabilities.  No comparison and no rushing (as much as the deadlines permit) In the same way, I need to recognize my own capabilities and capacities as well.  It is okay to ask for help.

From Refiner's Fire
"Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within
And make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin
Deep within"

HEART ON FIRE

2nd Reading
Colossians 3:1-5, 9-11
"... you have taken off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed, for knowledge, in the image of its creator."

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 90:3-4, 5-6, 12-13, 14, 17

"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain wisdom of heart. "

After his purification, Ignacio emerged a new person, his heart burning with the desire to do God's will. During his retreat at Manresa, he developed (or started to) his spiritual exercises, which detailed techniques in deciphering God's will - both in simple and difficult situations in life.  These daily exercises help keep the heart on fire and serve as compass to walk our God-ordained paths.

Our first speakers, Bro. Raul and Sister Hedi, talked about their lives as homeschooling parents in a foreign country, Thailand. They shared 5 key things that enabled them to sustain homeschooling and successful family life, which also help keep hearts on fire:

1. Prayer and Scripture.  They prescribe daily morning and evening prayers with Scripture reading. These are integral in discerning God's will - not just for major decisions, but in daily seemingly trivial decisions as well.  Morning prayers help set the tone for the day, while evening prayers afford us a chance to review what happened the entire day and examine our hearts.
2. Eucharist.  The Eucharist is the highest form of prayer.  We should try to attend Mass as often as possible - not just on Sundays.  It is a highly recommended cure for times of difficulties, heartaches (whatever kind it is) and discernment.
3. The Holy Spirit.  He is the Helper who provides us with the graces we need to go through life --- Love, most of all ... and "Love is the essence of peace."  It is God's Love that keeps our hearts burning.
4. Family Life.  The most effective venue for building relationships within the family is through meal times.  Spending meal time with our love ones keeps both our bodies and spirits healthy.
5. Community Life.  The community provides much-needed support in times of difficulties, as well as, enable spiritual growth and formation.

Take and Receive
"Take and receive, O Lord, my liberty
Take all my will, my mind, my memory
All things I hold and all I own are Thine
Thine was the gift, to Thee I all resign

Do Thou direct and govern all and sway
Do what Thou wilt, command, and I obey
Only Thy grace, Thy love on me bestow
These make me rich, all else will I forego."

ONE MATCH

Responsorial Psalm
Psalm 90:3-4, 5-6, 12-13, 14, 17
"Fill us at daybreak with your kindness, that we may shout for joy and gladness all our days."

Gospel
Luke 12:13-21
"But God said to him, ‘You fool, this night your life will be demanded of you; and the things you have prepared, to whom will they belong?’ Thus will it be for the one who stores up treasure for themselves but are not rich in what matters to God.”

When Ignacio left for his scholarship in France, his cousin, Calixto, said (something similar), "May you set more souls on fire."  We are in this world to do God's will.  It is easy to get distracted or lost in the concerns of daily life and society's constant focus on success.  But what really is success?  We often find ourselves striving for what society defines as successful, when we really should focus on successfully delivering against God's plans for us.  Each person was brought into this world for a reason.  And it is never for himself/herself.  It is always to touch another soul/s and make God's love more palpable for that person/s.

As a homeschooling mom, the primary person whose life I touch is my son's.  If I will make good use of my one match, it should be in making an explosion in the life of my son so that he becomes a bigger fire through whom more people's hearts are set on fire.

A beautiful and noble cause - sounds poetic and easy written down like this.  I wish it were so.  As Bro. Alvin Barcelona aptly pointed out, "Love is a decision ... a decision we need to make daily with deliberate doables." Relationships, afterall, if left alone, eventually fizzle out.

He recommends 4T's [in relation to relationship with God] :

1. Talk [Prayer].  Communication = Articulating + Listening.  It's a two-way street.  It's not communication if only one person is talking while the other one listens.  That's a sermon.
2. Text [God's Word].  Leverage on current technologies to stay in touch.  Go the extra mile and use old-school methodology of handwritten notes/letters.
3. Table [Eucharist].  Regularly schedule (table) activities with the family and with individual members of the family.
4. Tag/Touch [Community]. "We need at least 7 hugs a day".  Physical touch  or show of affection is essential to human relationships.  I don't think this needs to be explained, but it's often taken for granted.  It also means expand beyond your own family and touch other people's lives.

 And these are held together by the most important T:  TIME.

Sometimes, in my zeal to help develop my son into the best version of himself, I pick at every single flaw in his manners, character, academic and non-academic works.  Bro. Bo Sanchez calls this:  Over-parenting (cue in nudge paired with tongue-sticking-out from my sister).  How do I avoid this?

• See.  Visualize what I want for my child, but not too specific.  Let it be God's will for him.  Then, translate this into prayer said out loud, so that he is also able to visualize this for himself.  Let it be a prayer of gratitude, which is one of the most powerful forms of prayers --- because it exhibits faith and trust that He will deliver.
• Sow.  Sow through action:  Spending time and loving unconditionally, regardless of how many times I have had to explain that Math concept.  I should do everything to help enable the God's vision or dream for him
• Surrender. This is the key to preventing over-parenting.  Surrender everything to God.  Release all worries to Him, sit back, and let Him do His work.

We've heard it said, a parent's job is never done.  BUT it changes through time. These are the three hats we wear, according to Bro. Bo:

• Controller.  While the kids are young, we wear the Controller hat, making sure that our children's needs are taken cared of and laying down the foundational values (by constantly telling them what to do and what not to do - hehe!) that build into their character.
• Coach.  From 11 years old, we switch to the Coach hat.  This is is when we move into the box off-field.  This means, we stand in the sidelines and let them experience life, put into practice what we taught them. Let them feel the pain and consequences of their actions.  And, then, we call them back for a huddle and reinforcement of what we taught them. No nagging.
• Consultant. Then, when they are all grown, we give up the Coach hat for the Consultant hat.  This means we let them live their lives as they deem fit without contradicting or condemning.  In fact, we should respect their decisions (and trust that we taught them the right values) and don't say anything until we are asked or consulted.

From Fight Song

"Like a small boat

On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion"

As I Color The "Don't Control Your Lines & Colors" Doodle by Teektura

I started this project 20 days ago, deciding to follow exactly what the doodle piece said, "Don't control your lines and colors.  Let them be."

I quickly realized it would be a challenge.

10 minutes later, I was still staring at the page, trying to make sense of the entire picture and nowhere near deciphering it.  Needless to say, I had not laid a single color on the page.

Pathetic.

So, mustering all my courage, I picked up the color yellow ... because I could make sense that the "Y" was a pencil. And, after some self-talk, I tried to just pick up any pencil and color away.

But, then, a part of me still needed a general direction or vision; a meaning to it all.  I can't just roll with it aimlessly.

Perhaps it's personality.  Who knows.  Anyway ...

I thought, there's no logic to the entire picture, so I started making sense of some small sections and defining the others.  I derived fulfillment completing those sections, one after the other.  The next thing I knew, I had colored most of the distinguishable doodles on the page.

I straightened up and, then, I finally saw an overall picture (which I won't reveal. hehe!).  I was happy with it.  I knew then how to complete it.  And I excitedly proceeded to execute.

While working on the finishing touches, I found out that I cannot completely stick to how I envisioned to finish it.  I had to make some "artistic" judgement calls.

But, when I was finished, I was very happy with the outcome.  It turned out really nice! (Note: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so you don't need to agree with me).

Life, I guess, is pretty much the same way.  Nobody really knows the full picture. Small sections of it are revealed to us as we move through life and we do our best to live those sections in vibrant color.  At times, there are sections that just don't make sense.  It is up to us to define those sections and bring out the best colors and images possible.

Then, later on, we will see how wonderfully all these small sections come together into a beautiful and meaningful montage.

The key is not to over-analyze and petrify yourself. Just get started.  Then allow things to unfold in their own pace and reveal themselves in their own time.

It will all come together.

And it will be a breathtaking piece.  Promise.

Reflection on Readings: Don't Give Up on Us ... Habang May Buhay (While There is Life) - Part II, Updated

(My sister was kind enough to tell me the 3rd classification - God, the 7-11, from Fr. Assistant-Parish-Priest. I considered just leaving it be, but it's pretty relevant ... so, now, there are 4 types: 3 from the priest and 1 innovative type from me - which I dub, God, the Judge) 

The assistant parish priest in our parish gave a well-prepared (and entertaining) homily last Sunday, which rounded up the readings quite well.  It's not rocket science.  It may not even be entirely new.  But definitely worth brushing up on and a good reminder for most of us.

Fr. Assistant-Parish-Priest (boo me for not knowing his name!) classified our view of the God we pray to into 3 types and I've added 1 more:
(DISCLAIMER:  I didn't get to take down notes, so will explain the concepts in my own way.  For those who were at the same Mass, don't kill me for not getting it 100% perfect ... but shall do my best and add in my own flavors)

1. God, the Waiter.  We come to Him in prayer with a litany of things we want from Him, expecting Him to serve everything we ask for in a silver platter.  And, when He doesn't give us exactly what we want when we want them, we complain, "God is not answering my prayer!"  My dear, He answers all prayers.  It's just that not all are "Yes" - because not everything we want is good for us (one of my "wise" mommy lines); some are "No" because He is saving you from a disaster or He has something better in store (something so much better you didn't even think to add it into your list); some are "Not now" because there is a time for everything and He is waiting for "favorable conditions", so that, when He finally gives it to you, you are ready and are able to receive it in its fullness.
2. God, the ATM.  We expect that if we "deposit" a lot of good works, then we can make "withdrawals" anytime, anywhere for absolutely anything.  We feel entitled, that we grumble like a brat whenever God doesn't grant us our wishes. We throw back at Him our good deeds, expecting something in return.  God's graces are not rewards nor are they bought.  Grace comes from the Latin "gratis", which means it's "free"!  The graces and blessings He pours on us are given because they are exactly what we need, not deserve.  If God uses the currency of "what-you-deserve" on us, we won't get anything.
3. God, the 7-11.  Much like our trips to 7-11, we don't go to God as often --- only when we are desperate.  He is our last resort.  When all our tactics don't pan out, when we've knocked on too many doors that won't open to us --- that's the only time we go to God for help.  But that should not be the case.  He should be our go-to guy.  If only we'd "seek Him first" before everything else, then we would save ourselves so much time going through all the wrong turns and reworking the wrong solutions. Going to Him first (whether for help or consultation) is the most efficient strategy ... because it increases our chances of getting it right the first time.
4. God, the Judge.  Sometimes we feel that, when God doesn't grant us our prayers, He is punishing us for not being good.  Contrary to popular belief, God does not keep a record of wrongs.  What for?  When He already died for us? Our sins have their consequences /repercussions and accompanying guilt, which are (trust me) punishment enough.  Those do not come from God.  Those are effects of our actions. He is not exacting, but encouraging, "Get up, brush yourself off and try again."  So, don't give up on yourself ... and on others.  Afterall, we are all works-in-progress, each in our own journey towards the God-envisioned versions of ourselves.    

2nd Reading
Colossians 2:12-14
"Brothers and sisters: You were buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead. And even when you were dead in transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, he brought you to life along with him, having forgiven us all our transgressions; obliterating the bond against us, with its legal claims, which was opposed to us, he also removed it from our midst, nailing it to the cross."

So ... how should we pray?

Just ask ... again and again and again ... persistently.  So long as it's not detrimental for you or anyone else (i.e.  "Please let one of the 1st class passengers miss the flight, so that I get bumped up" - Tsk, tsk, tsk! Shame on you!), God will grant it.

Gospel
Luke 11:1-13
"And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."

1st Reading
Genesis 18:20-32
"But he still persisted: “Please, let not my Lord grow angry if I speak up this last time. What if there are at least ten there?” He replied, “For the sake of those ten, I will not destroy it.”

Ask like a child, asking his/her Father ... hopeful and with unwavering faith.

GOSPEL ACCLAMATION
"You have received a Spirit of adoption, through which we cry, Abba, Father."

Responsorial Psalm
Psalm 138:1-2, 2-3, 6-7, 7-8
R: Lord, on the day I called for help, you answered me.

Ask within the right parameters ... always in line with God's will.

Gospel
Luke 11:1-13
"He said to them, “When you pray, say: Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, [your will be done].'

And ask with a grateful heart ... whatever the answer is.  Because whatever it is, it's best.

Responsorial Psalm
Psalm 138:1-2, 2-3, 6-7, 7-8
 "I will give thanks to you, O Lord, with all my heart, for you have heard the words of my mouth; in the presence of the angels I will sing your praise;  I will worship at your holy temple and give thanks to your name. Because of your kindness and your truth; for you have made great above all things your name and your promise. When I called you answered me;"

Reflection on Readings: Don't Give Up on Us ... Habang may Buhay (While There is Life) - Part I

I considered writing some other time, since I desperately need to get my body clock into the right time zone.  But the Sunday readings are too rich and relevant in several fronts, that I doubt I would be able to sleep until I've reigned in the tornado in my head into some form of writing.

1st Reading
Genesis 18:20-32
"In those days, the Lord said: “The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is so great, and their sin so grave, that I must go down and see whether or not their actions fully correspond to the cry against them that comes to me. I mean to find out.” ...
But he still persisted: “Please, let not my Lord grow angry if I speak up this last time. What if there are at least ten there?” He replied, “For the sake of those ten, I will not destroy it.”

More often, this passage is used to talk about God's infinite mercy ... mostly in the context of saving the city for the sake of the ten who are innocent. But something about this passage always "troubled" me. My over-analyzing brain felt I was missing something.  And, after so many years, it finally dawned on me.  Sparing Sodom and Gomorrah (if there are ten innocents), is both an act of mercy and of God's faith in us.

Think about it.  If Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed - innocent and guilty alike - there really wouldn't be any issue for the innocents.  They will eventually go to heaven upon Jesus' resurrection. Sparing the cities was not just for the benefit of the innocents, but, more so, for the guilty. It gives them an opportunity to change.  But why spare the cities only when there are innocents found?  Because God believes in the capacity of the innocents to help the guilty towards the right path. Because He believes, where there is a spark of light, a fire is possible.

"I might have only one match, but I can make an explosion." (Rachel Platten, Fight Song)

Fight Song (including lyrics)

I personally know a number of people who have not only changed, but also went on to become catalysts for change for more people.  And it always, always started with at least one person believing in their capacity to change and walking with them along that difficult road.

• One is a member of our community who got into drugs. With the support, love and faith of his family, close friends and the community, he was able to overcome it.  Now, he is making a difference as a sports coach to young boys and as a pair of eyes behind a lens for capturing special memories.
• One used to be an "inmate" in one of the government facilities for delinquent youths.  A couple we know dedicated their lives into facilitating the psychological rehabilitation program, often acting as "parents" for these youths whose own families have given up on them.  He now has a stable job while still helping out in the program, serving as an example and an inspiration.
• One is a relative who dappled on drugs and went around with the wrong crowd.  One incident almost cost him his life.  At that time, he felt he was incapable of getting out of the deep pit he was in.  There was an outpouring of love and support from family within the country and across other countries.  He completed his education, worked on extra certifications and is a loving and responsible family man.

There are more I know of and, I'm sure, so much more I don't even know of.  Heck!  Most lives of saints are the same way:  really rotten characters, who eventually turned 180 degrees to become great saints.  It took St. Monica 17 years of persistent prayer before St. Augustine became one of the greatest saints and Doctor of the Church.

St. Augustine - Patron of Brewers (read: Alcoholics)

Change is possible.  Change will come ... with proactive support, persistent prayer, time and, most of all, a chance to change.

"I believe that in the battle between guns and ideas, ideas will, eventually, win.  Because the ideas are invisible, and they linger, and, sometimes, they can even be true.
Eppur si muove:  and yet it moves."  

(Neil Gaiman, January 19, 2015 issue of Guardian)

Poetic Dose: Secret Room

Near Light

I was decompressing over doodles and colored pens.  And then it came.  First, the music ... and then a flood of emotions.  I sat up, listening to the music and waited for the flood to subside ... just enough to filter through the emotions and string them together into the closest semblance of coherence.  The final product does not do justice.

But I thank you for letting me into your secret room.  I am irrevocably and wonderfully changed.

Secret Room

it comes in waves ---

sometimes a sudden onslaught 

at times, a gentle wash

but always, always ... slowly ebbing.

it comes in crowded rooms

amidst boisterous laughter; senseless chatter.

it comes in beautiful sunsets

settling heavily at dusk.

it comes in the familiar 

the whisper of a shadow.

it comes in the unfamiliar 

the dream of a hand upon my shoulder.

and, mostly, it comes in solitude

in my secret room

where i search for you,

scream - in silence - for you

for just one last dance

one last embrace

for just one last kiss on my forehead 

...

just one.