Poetic Dose: 227 to 236

#RayaBlabbers #365DaysOfPoetry

Art by Satchi.tan on IG

227

Oh, to sleep for just a moment

Lay to rest a body that is spent

Quiet the brain analyzing what is meant

Still the heart hoping for what's heaven-sent.

228

Give me the courage to find
The ME I lost;
The strength to pick up
The ME I've become;
And the drive to be
The ME I hope
   and am meant to be.

229

Masayang pagbalik-tanaw sa kabataan;

Napakagandang pagsiwalat ng malalim 

at kakaibang kahulugan na nakapaloob 

sa mga awiting kinalakihan;

At, higit sa lahat,

Mga buhay na tago at lihim,

sa wakas nabigyang tinig;

Mga katotohanang di napag-uusapan pero dapat,

buong tapang na inumpisahan.

#AngHulingElBimbo

230

We make of life what we can
Bending and folding over through the pain
Maneuvering every twists and turns
That these do not restrict the flight
But, instead,
Help grow bigger stronger wings.

231

Shine a light upon the path

That leads to you

Take me to your secret world

Show me the colors that make you sing

Teach me the language of your soul

That I might sing to you my love.

#autism #diversityandinclusion #neuroatypical

232

Counting my blessings
Finding joy in little comforts
Like mid-week holidays
And another one on Monday!

Art by lalajt.art on IG

233

Predictability

Comes from familiarity;

That comes

From regular interaction

And careful attention;

And these,

From the beginnings of love (?)

Art by Inadoodles on IG

234

Night makes for best company.

Together we watch the world slumber

And talk endlessly in silence.

235

There, in the shadows,
Where I thought myself comfortable,
He planted a gentle kiss upon my eye;
And pulled me firmly into the Light.

Photo by Jacob Maentz on IG

236

Always everyone's dream;

Never someone's reality.

An All-Nighter And The Comfort of Togetherness

"Mom, I think your super power is that you know everything, " my son told me once.  "I can also predict the future," I wanted to tell him.  These, compounded by love, are super powers God specifically blessed mothers with. And I've proven this time and again.  Sometimes, though, things fall into the cracks and all you can say is, "I knew this was gonna happen."

A couple of weeks ago, my son got a warning for not submitting his PE assignment.  When I asked for the reason, he defensively said, "It's just PE, Mom."
"How do you think your PE teacher feels about that?  And you like PE."
He then said in a small voice, "I didn't understand what I had to do."
"Why didn't you ask me or Auntie Ina about it?"
He looked at me with a hint of surprise.
"Just because I am no longer homeschooling you doesn't mean you can't ask for my help anymore."
"But I want to do it by myself ..."
"But if you don't know what to do, how will you do it by yourself?  There is nothing wrong with asking.  No shame in making sure you understand before you start working on something."
He reluctantly nodded.  Such a proud soul (just like his mother).

Because of this little incident, I took out the weekly planner sheets my friend gave me as a gift and helped him get organized.  We listed down his assignments and I instructed him to update the planner everytime the teachers gave new assignments.

On Wednesday, I knew he had nothing due for Thursday.  I meant to remind him to do his Friday-due assignment on the drive to the drop-off point, but he caught me off-guard with ...
"Mom, what time did you get home last night?"
"About 1:30, I think."
"But you still wake me up and drop me off every morning.  Thank you, Mom."
That was it.  My heart melted and my brain turned to mush.  I completely forgot to remind him to work on his assignment.

Thursday rolls in.  When he got home, he immediately freshened up and started working on his assignment.  I asked if he started on it last Wednesday.  Apparently, he worked on another assignment ... due the following week.  I looked at him in dismay.
"Did you not check the calendar?  We put that together, so that you know which assignments to work on first."
My son gave me a blank look.
"You work on your assignments that will fall due first.  Your RPT assignment is due next week, so yesterday what you should have worked on were the assignments due tomorrow.  You have the weekend to work on the RPT assignment."
He finally understood.
I went inside my room to take my evening calls.  A few minutes later, he comes in to brainstorm on his comic strip idea.  Satisfied, he went back to the library.  Barely five minutes passed when my son marched in with his laptop and books.
"I have calls.  Do you need my help?"
"No, Mom.  I just want to stay here with you."  He silently worked, while I took my calls.  When he was finished, he gave me the thumbs up and mouthed "I'm done!" He started shutting down his laptop when he stopped, "Oh, no!  I have another assignment due tomorrow."
I muted my phone and said, "No. You only have one due tomorrow.  I checked the calendar."
"I forgot to write it down. It's okay, Mom.  I can handle it."

And, for awhile, he was okay; until he started printing and got frustrated with the printer.  He pulled out the stuck paper, ignoring my hand signals to stop. Consequently, the printer's rollers couldn't recognize the paper anymore.  It always registered as "Out of Paper".  My sister jumped in to help and completed printing the rest of the pages.

After my call, I asked him what exactly he needed to do.  He couldn't explain properly, so I asked him to read everything.  Towards the end was the note "No need to print.  Just fill in directly on the slides or you can make your own slides."

As usual, my son didn't have the patience to read through to the very end.

I started to lecture him about reading the instructions properly and completely; and about not wasting paper.  But, then, he looked forlorn and was starting to get agitated because of the late hour, repeatedly looking at the his watch helplessly.  So, I switched from "Nagging Mom" to "Cheerleader Mom".

We ran through what he had to do, then I asked, "Can you do it on your own?'
"Yes, Mom.  I've got this."
And he worked nonstop until about 2 am (Yes, 2 am!).  After which, he started getting agitated once again.  The truth is, he hasn't been very good at handling his frustration, and the fact that he lasted till 2 am was a MAJOR milestone.  It was a proud mom moment, that I had to put on hold.  First, I had to help him actually complete the homerun.
"Just two more slides and you're done.  Target for 2:30."
When he flipped onto the last slide, he softly exclaimed, "Oh!" I glanced his way to find him smiling, "Look, Mom.  It's Bicol!"  I knew then God was watching over us and gave my son a little treat.  Bicol is our province and is of particular interest for him.
"That's a good way to end, huh?"
"Yeah."
When he was finished, he hugged me, "Thanks, Mom".
"You did good tonight. I'm proud of you."

We survived our first "lamay" (all-nighter) and it definitely won't be the last.  It warmed my heart, that it helped him to just work beside me; that he found comfort in our togetherness --- even though we were doing our own things. As he walked out of my room, I marveled at my son's drive to succeed in the school setting and his commitment to work independently.  What just happened? It's as if this young man just snuck up on me.  When did the little boy grow up? (Sigh!)

  

Poetic Doses: 217 to 226

#RayaBlabbers #365DaysofPoetry #Woman #DiversityAndInclusion #Faith #Love


217

And, in that moment,
my heart swelled
at how the Sun
Loves my Little Prince.
There are no words
for a Love
boundless
and unfiltered.

218

When it's hard to reciprocate
It's enough to believe;
And, sometimes, that's all you need
To find the love within.

219

Let go
Wait
Jump
And between the lines
Trust.

220

In your arms is where I hope sleep finds me someday.

221

To You I sing the melody of my heart;
Where my words fail, let my truth prevail;
When I stumble, let me be humbled;
That I might not miss a chance
To glorify You in this Life's dance.

222

Were it always a struggle between good and evil,
The choice would have been easy;
But often, I find,
It's a struggle between the mind and heart;
and both believe themselves good
With only the best intentions.

223

I wonder how nothing makes a woman;s heart flutter like flowers do.
(Sometimes all you need is a single flower to turn a day from okay to great).

224

These are the stuff I am made of,
The days that merge into the nights;
but let it not define who I am for you;
Let me the one your heart runs to;
The runway from where you fly high and away.

225

Dancing in the wind
Twirling in its embrace
I remain deliriously unfazed
Better things are yet to come.


226


For all her hopes and dreams,
Her yesterdays and her tomorrows,
There is but one constant theme:
Love ---
In every crevice of her soul;
In every single moment of her existence.
This is her meaning.
This is her truth.
And it consumes her ...
Even when it is logical to hate.

Of Big Hearts And The Grace Of Ignorance

Everyone knows how puberty is such a tumultuous age.  Now take that into the context of an extroverted autistic teenager in a new school, trying to fit in with his new set of friends and desperate to prove that he can make it in a school setting --- and it becomes something like puberty-on-drugs.  We are there now.  And we've just begun.

There are different complexities for children in the spectrum and it's a different mix with every child.  For my son, he has a huge capacity for love, able to understand and empathize from a third person point of view, but unable to derive that correlation when it comes to himself and his interactions with other people. As with any teenager, he is obsessed with being cool, fitting in and crushes.
Weird?

Here are some anecdotes:

During one of our drives home from the drop-off point ...

A:  "Mom, I have a classmate who doesn't get chosen"

Me:  "Doesn't get chosen?"

A:  "For teams"

Me:  "Oh! Kawawa naman (Poor kid)"

A:  "Don't worry, Mom.  I've got him.  I always make sure to choose him for my team".

After he caused some trouble in his old homeschool group for saying "I like you, too" to two girls, I explained to him what the girls meant when they said "I like you" and asked if he liked them, too.  When other girls in the homeschool group started telling him they liked him too, I figured they were just getting back at him and told him so.  He insisted he could tell that they really do, but he learned his lesson and is very clear to tell them that he likes them as friends only.  I conceded with a warning to be careful.  A couple of weeks later ...

A:  "Mom, you were right.   They are just playing with me [shrugs].  It's okay. They're still my friends."

I looked at him and he was indeed okay.  My son is unable to fully grasp what lies behind other people's malicious actions towards him.  As such, he takes no offense.  It was only then that I fully understood what "Ignorance is bliss" and "What you don't know won't hurt you" truly meant. Often we have to explain to him the implications of other people's actions towards him ... and that's the only time he will feel bad.  When he becomes aware, though, and genuinely feels hurt, it takes a lot for him to recover from it.

On the second week of school, we had a Parent-Child night.  Part of the program was a dialogue between parents and children where we talked about the things that hurt us.  My son let me and my sister go first.  When it was his turn to tell us about the things that hurt him ...

A:  "I get hurt when I disrespect you."

Me:  "That's you hurting me.  What hurts you?"

A:  "I get hurt when I hurt you and Auntie"

Me:  "Yes ... but what hurts you.  What is something that people do that hurt you?"

A:  "I get hurt when relationships in the family are broken."

Me: [Half composing myself; half choking at how profound he suddenly seemed] "Ok ... not quite what I am looking for, but that will do for now."

He met someone from Camp Life that he really liked, established a regular communication and thought for awhile that the feeling was mutual.  They go to the same therapy center and the same school.  The conditions were favorable for a young romance.  However, the kid figured how gullible and smitten my son was and just "played" along.  When my son found out that he was just being led on, he wrote the kid who just walked away from him.

A:  "It hurt to see someone walking away.  I understand now, Mom.  I'm sorry I did that to you."

I looked at my son trying to grapple with his first heartbreak.  I reached out and held his hand.

Me:  "Brace yourself.  It's going to hurt a bit more in the coming days."

***

I constantly worry about how gullible my son is and how he could be completely oblivious to how mean people already are to him. If I could have him with me all the time, so that I could help him maneuver through social interactions, I would.  But I know, that I cannot be with him all the time and he needs to learn to deal with these on his own.  Enrolling him in a school that recognizes individuality and respects each child's unique needs and strengths was my first step to widening the secure "fence".  When I met with his team of teachers and occupational therapists, they seemed very professional and knew their stuff, taking down notes and aligning on techniques to help my son manage schoolwork.  They listened to my every input and watch-outs without judgement or reproach. For once in years I felt hopeful that it could work.

The Parent-Child night, though, was what sealed the deal for me.  On that night, I saw the dynamics between teachers and students; among the children in his class; and between the children and their parents/families.  Mind you, his class is a good mix of neuro-typical and neuro-atypical children, relating with each other in a very normal / ordinary way.  And they get each other like they had known each other for years.  Bustling around them were the teachers who, I saw then, were not only professional but genuinely cared about them.  It's heartwarming to see how proud they were of the kids.  I got to know the parents/families, absolutely inclusive, seeing and accepting the children for who they are.  

My heart smiled.  We found the right community of big-hearted individuals that will help us through the "storms" of puberty, while paving the way for my son to grow and develop to his fullest potential.  Just a month in and, although we've had some rough patches, we are already seeing great improvements in my son and the quality of our relationship.  

I thank God for leading us here.

Poetic Doses: 207 to 216

#365DaysOfPoetry #RayaBlabbers

207

You make me smile
Give me little butterflies
At the most random moments
For the most random things.

Art By Migs Villanueva

208

She laid quiet

Waiting

But

They never came;

Till finally

She stepped out

Liked what she saw

And closed the door

   (behind her).

Art By Cheryl Jowen

209

With a wave of a hand
He set all things in motion
Suddenly
Like clockwork
Unstoppable
And definite.

210 - A

The King rose from His throne,
"Ah, favorable conditions at last"
He raised His hand and said,
"I will it"
As I bowed my head and said,
"Your will be done."


210 - B

The heart knows when it is right.

211

She bloomed where she was planted;
And laid rooted where she bloomed.

Art By Mariaya_a on IG

212

Hold on to me as you would

The final strands of a wonderful dream

Upon waking

Desperately

Deliberately

In vain.

213

And if there ever was
A sliver of uncertainty left;
That has all come to past
In the company of newfound friends.

214

Distance as a constraint is really just an illusion;
An insignificant barrier to connected souls.

215

Curling up upon your cradle
My soul breathes a sign of relief;
And in a single stroke of your hand
All uncertainties fall away;
Hide me within your arms a few more minutes
That I might be braver and stronger upon release.

216 - A

Find endfolded within
Every moment of jampacked days
The reflection of His beauty
And the quiet of His presence.

216 - B

Poor little marionettes
Fools for puppeteers;
Play a friend or a foe
The villain or the hero;
Whatever suits their fancy
Or the best strategy;
Cut the strings
Release the strains;
There's no need to remain
Nothing to lose
   and everything to gain;
That your burdens be lighter
And your days, brighter.

Poetic Doses: 197 to 206

#RayaBlabbers #365DaysOfPoetry

197

Free will is a gift
that should not be wasted.
There is power
in its exercise;
To welcome grace
and rid oneself of unnecessary burden.

198

Powerless against this endless pouring rain;
Drenched on a love I cannot reciprocate.

199

Art by Inadoodles on IG

Ipinagluluksa ko
Ang aking bayan;
Aking Inang mahal,
Patuloy, paulit-ulit na
Niloloko
Pinagsasamantalahan
Ipinuputa
Ng mga taong dapat ay
Sa kanya'y
Nagmamahal
Kumakalinga
Tumataguyod.

200

Ipinagluluksa ko
Ang kanyang mga anak;
Aking mga kapatid na
Patuloy na pinapatay ang
Katawan
Isipan
Maging kaluluwa
Ng mga taong dapat ay
Sa kanila'y
Nagmamahal
Kumakalinga
Tumataguyod.

201

Drink one:  to calm the nerves
Drink two:  to loosen the tongue
Drink three:  for some bravery
Frink four:  for bottled honesty
And then finally there comes
Drink five:  to mercifully forget it all.

202

In plain sight of prying eyes
and walls with ears
The secret grew
in grace and beauty
A love
unplanned and improbable
Between the hidden you
and the timid me.

203

Just stay in my arms please
Where your heart knows peace.

204

I bow down before You
And lay myself upon Your feet.
I have come to surrender
my racing mind,
my weary heart
and my troubled spirit;
That in Your hands
I might be still
and renewed.

Photo by:  Ryan Berza on IG

205

Right here
With stars above and below
All I needed from you
Was to ask.

206

Tread carefully.

You stand within the sanctuary of my soul.

Here lies

The edifice of my life,

Built upon memories

Of joy and pain

Of tenderness and strain;

Piled one on top of the other;

An intricately beautiful

Fragile

Unfinished

Mess.

Photo by:  Ryan Berza on IG

We Are All A Little Mental

A couple of weeks ago, my sister told me I had to take her slot in a half-day workshop.  I grumbled a bit.  I mean, come on, it was a Saturday! (I had important plans, particularly to catch up on lost sleep).  But I woke up bright and early and marched into a nice little basement hall (with ZERO signal!) for the MAGIS workshop, Head On:  Let's Talk About Mental Wellness.

It was the best half day I spent without coffee in months!

There are 4 aspects that determine our overall well-being:  Biological, Psychological, Social and Spiritual.  For each of these, there is some way to measure whether a person is within normal range.  Normally (pun intended), a person can fall within normal range in one or more aspects, but rarely for all.  Thus, no one is absolutely "normal".  We are all within one type of spectrum or another.  In fact, if you aren't a little bit mental, you're probably not human.

The MAGIS group put together a comprehensive team of experts that talked richly (albeit briefly) on an array of topics, sufficient for a very good and growingly important base knowledge on mental health.  Below are some of the important points I learned that day:

• Mental health is driven by shifts or changes -- minor or major -- in our BioPsychoSocialSpiritual aspects. It can be from just one aspect or a combination.  This means, that there are only factors associated with the development of mental illness, but no definitive cause.  
• Many people can live with multiple factors conducive for a mental illness or even show symptoms sometimes, but are not clinically (meaning: consistently exhibiting the symptoms) diagnosed.  They are able to cope with the symptoms.  Studies show these are people who typically have a good support system.
• There are no absolute cures for mental illnesses, only remedies.
• Diagnosis is made using phenomenological perspective, meaning: based on observed symptoms (relying heavily on the clinician's judgement) vs. biological markers.  There are no bio markers that can conclusively indicate a mental condition.
• There is a huge variety of mental disorders with overlapping symptoms. Thus, it can be a challenge to conclusively diagnose a person without spending sufficient time observing him/her.
• Feelings and thoughts are uncontrollable.  We can only control our behavior or actions/reactions in relation to these.
• 6 out of the 9 basic emotions are universally viewed as "bad".  Because of this, people maintain a negative connotation when feeling these emotions, curtailing their natural tendency to "feel" these and process completely.
• The brain is neuroplastic.  It is highly flexible and changeable.  Synapses can be trained, exercised and strengthened.
• We can get a visual of these strengths/weaknesses of different areas of our brain through a Brain Map!
• Impulsiveness, Autism and ADHD are due to under-stimulated (under-aroused) brains.
• Impulsiveness and creativity are in the same area of the brain. Notice how artists seem to be a little bit more crazier? (Hehe!)
• Everything is dual in nature. Recognizing and accepting this helps us to deal with this duality better.
• Everyone is continuously looking for healing.
• Trauma is stored in the body and can manifest in different ways, including stiffness in movement.
• Movement creates change and, thus, can initiate a change in mindset.
• The expressive arts help access the internal.
• All art is good art and is always a good starting point of healing.
• As adults, the only time we allow ourselves to play is when we are around kids.  It is important to give ourselves a space to play and to be deliberate about playing for ourselves.
• These are the 7 levels of our existence.  All of these are important and we need to be mindful and actively cultivating the health of each.

1. Physical body
2. Breath
3. Mind (as in the function of the brain)
4. Intellect (judgment)
5. Memory
6. Ego (how you separate yourself from others; feeling of superiority or inferiority is an expression of Ego)
7. Spirit (that level of our existence that is most connected to all things)

Phew!  It's a laundry list, isn't it?  It's a barrage of knowledge nuggets that seem so diverse that it's easy to lose that hint of connection. I'm sitting here, wondering how I can elegantly tie it all together and close this blog.

What did I learn?  

First, when God said He created each of us uniquely, He wasn't kidding.  Therefore, there is no such thing as normal.  Each person was given a unique set of graces and abilities, designed for a very specific purpose in His overall plan.  Armed with these, He has set each of us on our very own journey.  Yes, our paths converge sometimes, but the entire journey is ours alone.  

Second, He didn't create us perfect (But what is perfect, anyway?), just perfect for our roles.  He purposely created us with some kinks and chinks, because we were meant to need each other.  We were meant to help and support each other.  We have our own struggles, most of them hidden (like icebergs) from even the closest people in our lives.  Once we are able to recognize and accept our struggles, we are able to seek, recognize and accept help from others.

Third, knowing and accepting these as universal truths should make us more compassionate and prompt us to give more allowances to each other, to #ChooseKind always. Deliberately.    

(Oh, and I think I have PMDD - Premenstrual  Dysphoric Disorder. Yes, it's an official mental disorder since 2013, apparently).

Poetic Doses: 187 to 196

#RayaBlabbers #365daysofpoetry
(These come with some nice photos in my IG account  @lightbulbs_heartstrings)

187

How complicated life is
When dealing with people
Yet there is no bliss
Quite like dealing with people.

188

Counting my blessings
1, 2, 3
First, the mornings when the heart sings
Then come noons with joy to come soon
And there are dusks when there is nothing more to ask
Till finally the good nights come to replenish the spirit's light.

189

Despite what I say
All I really want is for you to stay.

190

Help comes when it is needed
And His guidance is easier heeded.

All we need is to flow with His sure tide
And in His strong wind, to dance and glide.

***

It is all about God's impeccable timing and grace;
When moving pieces click suddenly into place.

191

Incline my ears to the truth of who I am
Over the buzz of damaging self-doubt.

192

This --
is where I found her
Between the folds
of my dreams
and angst.

193

Monsoon rains are such a pain (in the ...)
As if having wet feet were such a treat.
Today I witnessed you drop my heart
And just idly watch it drift past and far.

194

With so many things going on,
She repeated,
"Ladies, zip up your imaginary corsets."
I wanted to scream,
"You are evul!"
But, as my body screamed in pain,
my spirit soared to a higher plane.

195

For we are all in one form of spectrum or the other --
autism, gender preference or mental state.
Normal is so overrated.
And, I dare say, mythical.

196

With a little bit of teamwork, compassion and empathy,
we might all find the all elusive unicorns of
happiness, peace and love.

Art by Mister_Sasquatch on IG

Poetic Doses: 177 to 186

#RayaBlabbers #365daysofpoetry
(These come with some nice photos in my IG account  @lightbulbs_heartstrings)

Photo by:  Shaira Luna on IG

177

Looked up at the sky
In search of a falling star
To catch its magic
Between the palm of my hands
But all I found were dead stars
Floating, alone in a sky full and vast.

178

Foolish one,
Best bite your tongue
Lest in your haste
This heart you betray.

179

And after all these years
The sighs and the tears
It remains a mystery
Or a truth I refuse to see.

180

My weary heart longs for a home to call its own.

181

A shower of beautiful stars falling all around me
As I wish for the one that will fall into me.

182 

Can't wait to be home
Been lost for too long.

***

My heart craves to be 
In the arms of one who loves me.

***

She waited
Until her spirit waned
And her heart retreated.

183

He stared out at the horizon
While I sat staring at his back.

***

And I continue to wait
For a return or a coming.

184

My heart, broken a thousand times over;
I long for that day, when it is finally (truly) sober!

185

"I love you," she said,
And then walked away;
For as her heart was tormented by the burden of her secret,
so also did her mind fear his inevitable response;
She knew his truth
As much as she knew hers.

186

Pity me, pity you
When there is no me
In the universe of you.

Poetic Doses: 167 to 176

#RayaBlabbers #365daysofpoetry
(These come with some nice photos in my IG account  @lightbulbs_heartstrings)

Photo by @inadoodles on IG

167

You are as gold to my broken pieces;
Celebrating the broken parts, while lovingly mending;
In You I am made whole again in a beautiful way.

168

For in every bad there is a good;
All it takes are a big open heart and a pinch of faith.

169

Stretching beyond my perceived limits;
Withstanding some pain and
Accepting temporary discomfort.

170

How to deal with a man of steel;
A stubborn mule who'd rather be a fool?

171

Oh, to heck with it!  I'm coming clean.
I'd rather be any place with you in it.

172

How long or how far you roam
The heart knows its way home.

173

Calling on Dreamers ...
Painfully cognizant of the failures of the past;
Naively optimistic to actually shift the future;
And perfectly poised to change the world now.

174

Mundane chores that normally bores;
They open hearts and real conversations start.

175

Perhaps I will never understand her full beauty;
But it is enough that I glimpsed it for just a moment.

176

24-hour flight, what was I thinking!
Brain is out-of-sight and it's only Day 1 of the meeting.

"Did You Get Loved Enough?"

A couple of days ago, I was finally able to watch the full movie, "Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood".  For years, I just saw bits of the movie, although I always meant to sit down and watch it.  I thought it was just awfully bad timing.  But, when I finally watched it, I realized, that night was the right time for me to see it.  I had been chewing on it these past days with so many thoughts swimming in my head.

Three events led me to think it was time to bring the thoughts to shore:

• I got so ticked off (okay. fine. I was heaving in anger) at two incredibly rude teenagers at the parking lot that I couldn't enjoy shopping (imagine that!).  So, my son did the only thing he could do:  he hugged me.
• I read this on the internet:  "If someone becomes angry over silly or petty things, it means he/she needs love."
• I watched "Incredibles 2" (it's an explanation too long for a parenthesis, so just watch it).

The scene that got me was the one between Siddalee (Sandra) and her father, Shep.

Shep:  "It can be summed up in, 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions.'"
Sidda:  "What about the road back? What's that paved with?"
Shep:  "Humility"
Sidda:  "Really?  Does she even have that in her repertoire?"
Shep:  "Not that she'd care to admit.  Pride covers a multitude of sins.  But you live with someone long enough you can see what they're trying to hide by the way they try to hide it.  She's hurting, too, baby girl."
Sidda:  "Daddy?  Did you get loved enough?"
Shep:  "What is enough?  The question is ... did you?  It's never too late."


This reminded me of a common notion people have when children act out or when adults are particularly difficult: "He/She must not have been loved enough."

But what is enough?

To be loved means there is also a giver of love.  There are two people involved.

Two completely different people --- with different histories; different personalities and temperaments; different principles and values; different needs; different mental and emotional capacities; different love languages.

Two individuals experiencing life from very different perspectives --- with very different definitions of good days and bad days; very different stress levels; very different stress or pain thresholds; different goals and intentions.

I realized, any relationship --- whether between parent and child, between lovers / spouses / partners, between siblings, between friends, colleagues or even simple acquaintances --- is tremendously hard work!  It is a constant balancing act between two people, who trust and love each other enough to risk the possibility of getting hurt.

That is why it is important to choose well the people to maintain meaningful relationships with.  These are the people who love and value you for who you are --- perks and quirks; graces and faults.  They are the ones who will safeguard your vulnerability and protect your reputation, while serving you the painful truth upfront (without the frills or the ice cream).  They will gladly (or begrudgingly) walk that road back (half way or all the way, as needed) paved with humility.  And YOU will do the same for them ... so choose well!

BUT what is enough?

The truth is, there is never enough.  Only the constant awareness that each person is different and going through different circumstances; the deliberate openness to see and understand from another person's perspective; and the humble acceptance that we do not know and understand another person completely ... or that no one ever fully understands us.

Makes you wonder if you have loved enough, huh?

It's never too late.

Poetic Doses: 155 to 166

#365daysofpoetry Days 155 to 166

Art by Migs Villanueva

Building walls and closing bridges
Against two-way streets that run one way;
There will be no more carrying another's burden
Through looped roads made of quicksand;
Resolutely writing off love given to blind hearts
That there might be peace and no more spirits damaged.

Photo by Ryan Villar

Strength comes in many forms;
Sometimes it comes in silence.

Art by Toti Cerda

There are many ways to walk in the rain;
You can let it drench you, soak you;
Or you can let it cleanse you,
Perhaps even dance and sing in it.

Art by Ricky Ambagan

You can wait for the rain to stop;
Or you can make yourself an umbrella.

Photo by Ryan Villar

It grows and nobody knows

Will it ever end or even bend

There is peace from its space

And happiness in its wake.

Photo by Martin Nolasco

He gave her a piece of bread

"Eat it," he said

She smiled and stowed it in her pocket.

He gave her a bottle of water

"Have a drink," he said

She smiled and stowed it in her pocket.

In the rain, he tossed her a poncho

"You'll get drenched," he said

She smiled and stowed it in her pocket.

After the hike, she bid us farewell

And ran into their makeshift home

She smiled and emptied her pocket.

***

Little corner in an ice cream shop

With the little comfort for my weary heart.

***

Photo by Elmer Gabini

Freedom means ...

To be free of:

the destiny you've boxed me in;

the stigma from the history my genes carry;

or the wise sage's prophecies of doom

Freedom means ...

The chance to:

chart my own destiny

from a new history founded on love;

anchored on the truths:

   I am created in His likeness

   and He makes all things new!

Art by Lynyrd Paras

There is no blow more potent than that from a loved one.

Image from Internet

For it does not matter what the mouth professes;
Actions inevitably speak the heart's hidden truths.

Art by Jef Cablog

And what is real

When we are all above our heads

Drowning in secret dreams 

and childhood fears;

perceived truths and 

single-faceted illusions.

Photo by Ryan Villar

It is really up to us, isn't it?

To go up

Or to go under.

Poetic Doses: 143 to 154

#365daysofpoetry Days 143 to 154

How does one begin to articulate a love so profound and absolute?

There are no words. 

Only hugs and kisses; 

the voice that stands out in a sea of children calling out the same name, "Mama!";

the heart attached to yours that amplifies every feeling;

the life that sends yours into the craziest ride of your life.

Mt. Daraitan

Sometimes, though, I wonder
If you ever really loved me;
Or if this, perhaps, could be ...
had been
love all along.

Photo by Ryan Villar
Caramoan Lighthouse

I don't remember when I lost it
Or why I had rushed to grow up.
But to see the world as a child
With awe and wonder
And to love as thoughtlessly
Completely and without fear ---
Are perhaps all we need to save
This world and humanity.

Mt. Marami

He loved with a passion
So intense, precise and unforgiving
Such a lonely way to live.

Photo by Ryan Villar
Caramoan

No beauty matches
That which is hidden
Unseen and untouched by man
Untainted by the ills of the world.

Photo by Ryan Villar
Caramoan

Rolling playful verdant terrains
Majestic proud mountains
Islands teeming with life
Flanked by beaches white
Under a sky so clear and blue
Clouds cottony and wispy, too
This is what my country is made of
A true paradise beneath and above.











Peace is

Bright blue and puffy white
Peering through a canopy of trees.

Photo by Ryan Villar
Caramoan Lighthouse

Some things are merely unchangeable

And, in the end, it is not your trouble.

There are moments when the best way

Is to simply walk away.

And sometimes this means painful choices;

To let one love go to protect another.

Afterall, love is a gift

That cannot be imposed.

Photo by Inadoodles

And so it was at dusk

When he finally understood

The beauty of those ordinary moments

The simple truth of her love

All of them eclipsed completely

Behind a pocketful of marbled pain

He looked up, then, to the creeping night

And found nothing but a sea of regret.

Photo by Ryan Berza
Taal Volcano

For the deepest loneliness

Consumes silently from within;

When you feel desperately alone

Even though love surrounds you.

Photo by Ryan Berza
Taal Volcano

Walking with you

Through the pages of your childhood,

I rediscover mine;

And in your childlike awe

I am reminded

To be grateful of all things taken for granted.

Receiving You

That these will flow

The grace to forgive

And the wisdom of Your heart.

In time.

Somehow.

Poetic Doses: 129 to 142

#365daysofpoetry Days 129 to 142
#autism #adhd #inclusion #mentalhealth #timesupnow

Art By:  HersleyCasero on IG

I will never fully comprehend
This beautiful complex mind
The colors and depth of its universe
Nor the textures of its various emotions
But my heart continues to reach inside
And my arms remain a safe haven.

Art By: hoche_art on IG

My love for you is a slow gentle burn;
unhurried, yet certain and absolute.

Sculpture by: Ferdie Cacnio

Oh! The stuff

Dreams are made of

The most hidden

Hopes, fears and wishes

Hauntings from the past

The chaos of the present

And uncertainties the future holds.

Then there is you

The dreams converging into

Mostly you

The mystery and the promise

Of you

And me

And us.

Sculpture By: _poemery_ on IG

Oh! If I could
Carry you always
Safe within my wings
Sheltered from the storms.
I would carry you
Tirelessly
Through glorious sunrises
Into the bosom of sunsets.
But I know
There is no better gift
Than to teach you
What your wings can do
And to tell tales of distant lands
Where your wings can take you.

Book highlight from "Mr. Browne's Precepts";
a quote from Sir Thomas Browne

I traveled far and wide
Yet found not what I sought;
Then I traveled deep within
And found what I sought and more.

Art By: Inadoodles

And she [he] is my true Giving Tree

Always giving, never taking

Always forgiving, never forsaking.

(Happy Mother's Day to all mothers and everyone [in any form] who play the part!

Your presence, sacrifices and your endless and boundless wellspring of Love 

keep this crazy world from falling apart.)

Today there were
No surprises
Nor special occasions;
No time for sunrises
Nor a glimpse of the sunset;
Yet today,
In its ordinariness,
Was an ode to life
From chores done lovingly;
Was joy brimming
From unspectacular moments of togetherness.

Art by: Rovi Salegumba

Every night I dream of you
And you
You
And just you;
In many faces
And various forms
Yet just one
Only you;
And even though I hold you close
For however long I can
Morning comes and Night departs
The memory along with it;
And I awake
No closer to uncovering you.

Art by: _gilbutt on IG

To, one day, not care
What others will say;
And always choose right (or kind)
Visibly or out of sight;
To see my true worth
Claimed His from birth;
And my small change start
To boldly light up the dark.

Art by: Justine Florentino

Perhaps someday my heart
will burst (or break once more);
But, for now, I guard it fiercely,
tucked away safely from harm's way (and free).

Photo by: Elmer Borlongan

Within the security

Of my trusty hoody

I find solace

In my isolation

Shielded against the cold

Of an unforgiving world

Slipping in and out

Unnoticed and unloved.

Art by:  Migs Villanueva

Stop right there, mister

You shan't pass me and my sister

Beyond this magical door

An amazing treasure store

Meant only for the noblest of all

Our tickle monster great and tall!

Art by:  Illiv8.ten on IG

And she rose from her stupor
As glorious as the sun
Born from the ashes of ancestors
From a land that screams justice
The time has come
To lay claim on her birthright.

Art by:  mister_sasquatch on IG

Your heart is restless
So fly away free
But soon you will see
I carry you home with me
For I have lent you my love
That one day you'll fly it back to me.