33 Days to Morning Glory - Day 2

"In the town of Pontchateau, St. Louis inspired the peasants to build a huge monument to the Passion of Christ on a neighboring hill.  For 15 months, hundreds of peasants volunteered their skills and labor to build it.  When completed, it stood as a massive structure, a real labor of love, and on the day before it was supposed to be dedicated by the bishop, word got back to Louis that his enemies had convinced the government to destroy it ...

Louis said, "We had hoped to build a Calvary here.  Let us build it in our hearts.  Blessed  be God."

... the saint obediently accepted the destruction of his plans and blessed God."

St. Louis's plan, in itself, was good. But God had allowed for it to be destroyed - despite being a labor of love by hundreds of peasants for 15 months! If I were in his shoes, I would definitely feel hurt and frustrated at God - not just for me, but also for everyone who worked on it.  But, then, perhaps the monument had already served its purpose ;.. while it was being built.  And it no longer needs to exist after.  I imagine the exercise of building it had drawn hundreds of strangers to one place, working together for one goal. They would have been bonded and, likely, kept in touch after it was built (and destroyed).  Who knows ... it may have even established several small prayer communities.  Who knows ...

Sometimes God's will seems indifferent.  Yet when one takes the time to peel its layers, one will find, usually in due time, that it truly is simply wise.

33 Days to Morning Glory - Day 1

It gives me warm fuzzies thinking that Mama Mary made special arrangements for the start of my 33-day DIY retreat, kicking it off with a beautiful First Friday Mass.

The following points from the priest's homily struck me :

• A lot of people don't go to Mass, because they think that they don't get anything out of it.  In order to get something from it, one should bring something to the Mass.
• Bring the desire and the decision to change and the grace to follow through will be given to you.
• From the Gospel:  Rather, new wine must be poured into fresh wineskins. And no one who has been drinking old wine desires new, for he says. "The old is good."
• For something new / change to happen, one needs a new heart that is open to new things.

It's amazing how the priest's homily tied in with the insights I captured from the 1st day's readings:

• "Desire and generosity are key ingredients to making a successful retreat."
• "May Mary intercede for us and may the Holy Spirit fill us with a passion to conscientiously make these of retreat, despite any fatigue, distraction or obstacles."

With everything that is going on in my life right now, I hope and pray that I will be able to keep to the commitment and set aside time everyday for the short reflection. 

Communion song was also perfect - Stella Maris.  I felt immensely blessed, especially since the past couple of weeks felt like a rollercoaster ride.

Bigger Bear Series: Elevator Talks

Last Friday, I got to the office just a little before noon after my Parent-Teacher Coach session in faraway Cubao.  A friend invited me to go out for lunch, but I was still full from an energy bar I found stashed in my bag. (I bought it during my business trip and forgot all about it until I got hungry that morning).

Anyway ... so, I turned down the invite, although I really wanted to have lunch with my friend. I decided to just grab something from Deli 24.  As I got onto the elevator, someone else joined me, who was telling her friend, "Aren't you going to Mass?"

Mass!  It's First Friday and I am at the office in time for the Mass!  Then I realized, it was also the 1st day of 33 Days to Morning Glory.  (I completely forgot amidst the morning's rush). What a perfect way to begin the DIY retreat in preparation for Marian Consecration.

Obviously, somebody else had better plans for me :)

Dreamwalking: The Visitor

I blink my eyes open and find myself lying down at the edge of a huge bed with two other women. They are both asleep.  I hear a rustling and look up.  A man sits on a chair by the bedside.

"What are you doing?", I ask.
"I'm watching you," he says.
"Have you been here long?" I ask.
"Been here awhile," he shrugs.

I sit up to look at him properly, since I'm straining my neck.

"There is a flower ... ", he starts tentatively, "I think that she has tamed me ..."

I perk up at the familiar line. I say nothing and he continues.

"I traveled through life and met a number of flowers, all roses, all beautiful.  Yet I found myself telling each one ---

You are beautiful, but you are empty.  One could not die for you.  To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you - the rose that belongs to me.  But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing.  Because she is my rose."

And then it clicks.

"The Little Prince!", I exclaim. He smiles.

"Wherever I am, I look up at the stars and think:  The stars are beautiful, because of a flower that cannot be seen," he finishes and looks at me.

I hear soft music playing.  "Do you hear that?" I ask. He strains to listen.

... It's been so long / I don't know what to say / I've traveled 'round through deserts on my horse / But jokes aside /  I wanna come back home / You know that night / I said I had to go / You said you'd meet me on the sunny road ...

I stand up.

"It's time, meet me on the sunny road", I whisper as I take a step towards him and look up to brave his eyes.

We stand just an inch apart, looking at each other, breathing ...

1, 2, 3 ...

We kiss.

I blink my eyes open and find myself lying on my bed, facing a blank wall.

Reflection on Readings: The Lover and The Beloved - Part 2

I told myself that if I do get married I would not use the reading:  Ephesians 5:21-32.  Other than it's so overused, I did not like the "Wives should be subordinate to their husbands" bit.  Last Sunday's homily by Fr. Chris changed all that.  And I'm sharing his perspective as a campaign against the traditional views on husband and wife dynamics.

Goals of Marriage

1. Unitive.  The husband and wife become united; one flesh.
2. Procreate.  Give birth (by birth or by heart) to the ultimate expression of their love.
3. Heaven.  (1) To create a loving environment that mirrors heaven on earth; (2) To lead each other (and the entire family) to heaven (i.e. be good influences to each other!).

Roles & Responsibilities

The HEAD - leads

God the Father (in the Holy Trinity)

Jesus (in relation to the Church)

Husband

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her 26 to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, 27 that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church...

The relationship between husband and wife should mirror Christ's relationship with the Church. Jesus worked and sacrificed Himself - to the point of laying down His life - for the Church. That is how much He loved the Church.  That is how much a husband should love his wife.

Jesus led the Church in the path to righteousness and safeguarded her.  He did so by following the Will of the Father.  In a marriage, the husband should "lead by listening to the music of the Gospel".

The HEART - follows

God the Son (in the Holy Trinity)

Church (in relation to Jesus)

Wife

22 Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. 24 As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.

"Submission brings freedom because it brings trust and peace in the home." (Fr. Chris)

By virtue of his position, the husband's role is to lead the family - irrespective of talents, capabilities, resources, etc. The wife should step back and allow the husband to lead.  Of course, if he fails to or chooses not to, then she can, by all means, step in.

Picture the Holy Family:  Jesus, Mary, Joseph. That is the order of importance in Church history, meaning Joseph is the least prominent.  And yet he is the head of the Holy Family - both Jesus and Mary were subordinate to him and followed where he led (and, boy, did he take them places!).

Equality Does Not Mean Similarity

"Leading & Following are different, equal and reciprocal roles"  This, to me, is Fr. Chris' most powerful statement.  It shows the partnership between husband and wife and underlines the importance of both roles.

Picture dance partners on the dance floor.  The most beautiful and seamless dance numbers are those where the man leads confidently and the woman, in full trust, allows herself to be led. 

Is one above the other?  No.  Both are important.  But a dance would have been a disaster if both were leading or both were following. They are equally important, but they play different roles.  

To promote equality, then, is not to brand one role as being above the other, but to celebrate and revel in our differences.

Reflection on Readings: The Lover and The Beloved - Part 1

22Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. 24 As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her 26 to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, 27 that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church.

(August 23 2nd Reading:  Ephesians 5:21-32)

This is one of the commonly-used readings during weddings and one that is often misconstrued or incompletely understood.  Incompletely - because we often get stuck on just the first part and forget the second part, losing its full context and meaning.  Last Sunday, Fr. Chris, from The Divine Mercy Shrine in Massachusetts, peeled the rich text's multiple layers and facets.

Parallelisms

Jesus + Church

Husband + Wife

Lover + Beloved  

All love stories begin with a lover who finds a beloved, woos her, proves his love for her, she reciprocates and they get married. It becomes a happy ever after if they stick to the formula provided in the reading.  But, the point is, it begins with a lover who loves first and keeps on loving at all costs.

Lover + Beloved = Love

God the Father + God the Son = God the Holy Spirit

Joseph + Mary = Jesus

Husband + Wife = Child/ren

In the beginning was God the Father who loves His Son.  Their love for each other was so great, that it took the form of the Third Person in the Holy Trinity - the Holy Spirit.  So, too, a child is born (whether from the body or from the heart) out of the love between husband and wife.  The child is the embodiment of that love.

Order of Priorities

Fr. Chris aptly points out that we have become a child-centric society with our order of priorities as follows: (1) Child/ren; (2) Spouse; (3) God.  But it should be:  (1) God; (2) Spouse; (3) Child/ren,

Love God above all else. It's the first and most important commandment, not because God is a proud and vain god, but because loving Him enables us to see others and ourselves the way He does; and to love in His fashion: selflessly and purely.

Love your spouse ... because you are ONE.  "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." Brother Bo said in one of his posts, "I believe that the best way a husband can love his children is to love their mother. And the best way a mother can love her children is to love their father."  And I agree because in loving each other, a husband and wife provides their children with the security of a loving and solid home.

Then love your child. (No elaboration needed).

Bigger Bear Series: Plans and Serendipity

The past couple of weeks had been horrendously busy.  It seemed all my deliverables (work and home) had a secret meeting and decided to pounce on me all at the same time, each demanding for my full attention. And I was helpless in the knowledge that all are urgent and important.  I may have missed the resolution to this situation in Covey's training.  What I would give for a clone - or two - then.

Business trips usually meant more work for me.  But, given the situation, the planned trip turned out to be a welcome respite. I wanted to fully leverage on the trip to the US ... as it does not seem that I will pass this way again anytime soon.  Thus, I planned to meet a number of friends.

I spent my first night with a very dear friend, chatting away till close to midnight.  In the morning, we decided to play it by ear.  And spent the morning and afternoon enjoying each other's company and doing stuff we like doing most:  eating and shopping.  

One particular friend I wanted so badly to meet suddenly couldn't make it. Right at that moment, I got
an email from a friend I hadn't seen in 20+ years.  Apparently, she had been living for a couple of years now in the city I was headed to.  What are the odds?!

And, though we both had other plans for the weekend, we managed to switch things around to open up a good amount of quality time together.  Honestly, it felt like all the stars aligned for us to reconnect and reminisce.

We started with Mass at a church where the Deacon was a Filipino AND ex-P&G associate director, who chatted with us, making an instant connection. (Again.  What are the odds?!) Then we spent the early part of the evening digging through boxes and boxes of pictures, while talking nonstop. All the years simply melted away.  Then we closed it with an impromptu birthday celebration for me, since I didn't have the chance to properly celebrate it with everything going on.

So much serendipitous events in just one weekend!  Once again, God reinforced that when things don't go as I planned, they are going as He planned ... and it is, without a doubt, much better than mine. Always.

"Do Not Let Your Heart Die"

For Monsignor Manny Gabriel's birthday, Fr. D (I did not quite catch his name) was tasked to give the homily.  He started off with a quote from "The Breakfast Club":

"When you grow up, your heart dies."—Allison

Then he proceeded with an eloquent testimony to Monsi Manny's life of selfless service and love ... which I would very much want to get a copy of, but only managed to capture a few rough snippets.

• Do not let your heart die.
• Despite all the pain and difficulties, he maintained a heart willing to forgive and ready to love again.
• We are plagued with fear of darkness and of the unknown.  Have the child-like faith to plunge forward.
• Have the courage to face both the lights and shadows of life.
• Marry the old and the young ... grow old in years and wisdom, but remain young at heart and in faith.

Immediately after Mass, one of my BFF's came upon a nice quote and tagged me. Lo! and behold, it spoke of fear and forgiveness.  I was beginning to see a trend here.

I realized, that one of the things which distinguish children from adults is their lack of sense of danger.  They are FEARLESS.  Of course!, you say.  As we grow older, we gain knowledge about a lot of things and we come to depend upon that knowledge - even though we know how limited it is . Then our faith dwindles and paranoia sets in. This inevitably limits us ... because, at some point, we stop believing. When we stop believing, the miracles stop ... or we stop seeing the miracles.  We lose that sense of awe and wonder which gives us the courage to take leaps of faith.  When we are unable to take leaps of faith, we miss out on the chance to feel the rush of falling and the exhilaration of flying --- which pump the heart.

It is not growing up that kills the heart.  It's losing faith.

PS:
Forgiving, by the way,  is a leap of faith ... as is any form of letting go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuX-ls_GR54

Bigger Bear Series: Delays are Blessings in Disguise

Whenever my heart is troubled or my brain starts working on hyper mode, I have but one solution:  Go to Mass.  Maybe two.  I go to the Blessed Sacrament as well.

From the beginning of this week it was not just troubled heart or hyper brain. It was troubled heart AND hyper brain.  I was officially petrified (like Ginny Weasley petrified in front of a basilisk) and my defenses naturally whisked me into my internal Panic Room.

So, I had to go to Mass.

But, first, I was hungry.  I looked over at my sister, busily working on her laptop beside me and said, "Want to grab merienda with me?"  She wanted a burger, a McDonald's burger.  So, the plan was for us to go to McDonald's and then I'll drop them back home before I go to Mass.

On our way out, we were detained by the mother.  As a result, I had no choice but to take them with me to Mass. When we entered the church, we noticed that the place was abuzz with much activity.  At the entrance stood, not one, but ten (10!) priests.  It was our parish priest's birthday celebration and he was concelebrating with his priest friends.

The homily was a witnessing to our parish priest's life of service and love.  But it was organized and articulated in a way that makes it relevant to everyone.

My sister, A and I were immensely blessed by it.  I was happy that I got to attend the Mass with two important people in my life.  And all because we were kept at home longer by our mom.

Reflection on Readings: When A Cloud Hangs Overhead

36 Whenever the cloud rose from the Dwelling, the children of Israel would set out on their journey. 37 But if the cloud did not lift, they would not go forward; only when it lifted did they go forward. 38 In the daytime the cloud of the Lord was seen over the Dwelling; whereas at night, fire was seen in the cloud by the whole house of Israel in all the stages of their journey.

(From today's 1st Reading:  Exodus 40:16-21, 34-38)


Clouds have always been associated with sadness, trouble, uncertainty and doubt.  When one says, "I feel a cloud hanging over me", it usually means the person has a heavy heart.  Clouds aren't good.

In today's first reading, the cloud guided "the whole house of Israel in all the stages of their journey".  I realized, throughout my life I had wanted immediate answers to my questions;  demanded quick directions --- because I wanted to reach my goals immediately; or (ever since I said I am giving in to God's will) fulfill God's plans for me ASAP.  Clouds and shadows-of-doubt unsettled me --- because these, for me, caused unnecessary delays.  And I tortured myself incessantly for my inability to read the signs and decipher God's will.  

I failed to realize that, while I have finally succeeded (sort of) in following God's directions, I have not yet fully surrendered to God's timing.  Like the Israelites, I need to find peace in stopping and resting until the cloud lifts and the way forward is clearly revealed.  When a cloud hangs overhead, it does not necessarily mean there's trouble or you've lost your way.  Sometimes it simply means, "Wait for further instructions".

And She Treasured All These in Her Heart

There are very few Bible verses on Mama Mary.  Of those few, a couple of them say, "His mother treasured all these things in her heart."  Or "She pondered on these in her heart".

At first, I thought, she had to ponder on all of these things because she never fully understood everything at the onset.  To treasure these things in her heart was another way of saying the same thing.  But, a few days ago, it hit me ... these verses are entirely different.

"She treasured all these things in her heart" because ---

1. Then was not the time to reveal who Jesus is.
2. She knew that Jesus was entrusted to her and Joseph in order to prepare Him for His mission. He will only be with her for a few years.
3. It is the daily insignificant moments, the seemingly trivial gestures (like God the Son being obedient to a lowly human mother) of people we love and who love us, that make the heart smile.  These moments are the ones we keep secret and guard jealously within the deepest recesses of our hearts.  These are the moments we go back to for strength, faith, hope and love.

Not much was revealed about Jesus' growing years;  only the important ones.  The rest were written off  as"lost years".  But they were not lost ... merely private treasures kept in His mother's heart.

Reflection on Readings: "Behold Old Things Have Become New"

Last Saturday I watched a Hallmark movie, "Old Fashioned" (I recommend to watch it ... really good).  At one point in the movie the female lead (Amber) mentioned a line from the bible which struck me:  "Behold old things have become new."

And, lo and behold ... the 2nd reading today mentions something VERY similar!

"So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Right?! It gives me warm fuzzies and a silly grin.

Anyway ...

There was a point in time when I saw my faults thru a magnifying glass and it overwhelmed me immensely.  I wanted to change, but I kept falling into the same swirl and I thought, surely God cannot keep on forgiving me.  So, I decided to give up on myself completely.

Only later on did I realize that it was false humility.  In fact, it was pride.

• I was too proud to believe that God CAN and WILL forgive me.
• I was too proud to ask for His help to change.

There was this scene where Amber said, "I came here ready to forgive you no matter what ... You make it sound impossible."  And, I realized, that is how it is with God. I trip and I hurt Him, yet He's the one who comes knocking at my door, ready to forgive me ... and I ... make it impossible.

"Thus far you shall come but no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stilled!" (from 1st Reading - Job 38:11)

When I finally learned to lay down my pride and ask for help, He delivered. He stilled the raging guilt inside and I felt a peaceful calm; resting in His assured forgiveness and knowing, that, in my moments of weakness, He will be my strength.

"They cried to the Lord in their distress; from their straits He rescued them, He hushed the storm to a gentle breeze, and the billows of the sea were stilled.  They rejoiced, that they were calmed, and He brought them to their desired haven." (Psalm 107:28-30)

Sometimes, I still trip over (I'm a work-in-progress, afterall) and I panic.  He gives me a whack on the head and says:

"Quiet!  Be still! ... Why are you terrified?  Do you not yet have faith?" (from the Gospel - Mark 4:39-40)

But now I am secure, knowing that, if I just stick it out with Him, He will make me good as new.

"So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Bigger Bear Series: Technolgy vs. Man

If you live in the South, having an e-Pass or RFID tag is a huge convenience.  So, when my e-Pass tag died on me, I was really bummed out; half-grumbling that I'd have to line up now and anticipating the added precious minutes on the road everyday.

But then my shift takes me to the road during off-peak hours, so it isn't really a huge inconvenience. Then I noticed that I've started looking forward to the drive home at night --- because it's the senior shift at the SLEX toll stations. And, after a long day's work, their cheerful warm greetings (complete with genuine smiles) feel like a breath of fresh air.  They really pause and look at you before handing over the card.  And, for a split second, I just feel like telling them how my day went ... hahaha!

I will have to get my tag sooner or later, but, because of this, I am reminded that nothing beats actual human warmth.  No technology can beat that.

Reflection on Readings: Great Things Come in Small Packages ... in Due Time

Today's readings are perfectly summarized below:

“Remember that the most difficult tasks are consummated, not by a single explosive burst of energy or effort, but by consistent daily application of the best you have within you.”

Og Mandino

The Greatest Miracle in the World

Step-by-Step to Greatness:

• Be small. (Acknowledge your littleness)

"Thus says the Lord God:  I, too, will take from the crest of the cedar, from its topmost branches tear off a tender shoot ..." (Ezekiel 17:22)

"It is like a mustard seed that, when it is sown in the ground, is the smallest of all the seeds of the earth." (Mark 4:31)

• Be open and conducive for growth. (Knowledge is not Wisdom)

"... and plant it on a high and lofty mountain; on the mountain heights of Israel I will plant it." (Ezekiel 17:23)

"They that are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of God." (Psalm 92:12-14)

• CRITICAL: Allow God to work on and in you.

"... and through it all the seed would grow, he knows not how.  Of its own accord the land yields fruit, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear." (Mark 4:27-28)

• Be patient and give it time.

"... it is as if a man were to scatter seed on the land and would sleep and rise night and day ... And when the grain is ripe, he wields the sickle at once, for the harvest has come " (Mark 4:26,29)

"... for we walk by faith, not by sight ..." (2 Corinthians 5:7)

• Be what God intended you to be.  (Take pride in who you are, your capabilities and the part you play in His plan)

"It shall put forth branches and bear fruit, and become a majestic cedar.  Birds of every kind shall dwell beneath it, every winged thing in the shade of its boughs." (Ezekiel 17:23)

"They shall bear fruit even in old age, vigorous and sturdy they shall be, declaring how just is the Lord, my rock, in whom there is no wrong." (Psalm 92:15-16)

"But once it is sown, it springs up and becomes the largest of plants and puts forth large branches, so that the birds of the sky can dwell on its shade." (Mark 4:32)

Reflection on Readings: W O W !

Saturday - The Memorial of the Immaculate Heart of Mary (Part 2)

When Mary and Joseph found Jesus at the temple, He was "sitting in the midst of the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions, and all who heard Him were astounded at His understanding and His answers." (Luke 2:46-47)

At the age of 12, Jesus understood the Scriptures perfectly and was anxious to begin the work for which He had been sent to earth.  He knew what He was supposed to do.  And He was excited to teach and touch as many lives (Couldn't help it ... P&G). "Why were you looking for Me?  Did you not know that I must be in My Father's house?" (Luke 2:49)

YET He knew, that God the Father had placed Him with Mary and Joseph for a reason.  He yielded to God the Father's perfect timing ... because, of course, He knew it was impeccable.  So, "He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them;" (Luke 2:51).  It was they who taught Him, through the lives they lived, how to apply that knowledge and understanding with love and compassion.  It is they who enabled "Jesus [to] advance[d] in wisdom and age and favor before God and man." (Luke 2:52).  

And, because He Waited and Obeyed, He gained Wisdom which helped Him (along with the Holy Spirit's guidance) to successfully execute His mission.

"and His mother kept all these things in her heart." 

Reflection on Readings: "How Do I Love Thee?"

Saturday - Memorial of the Immaculate Heart of Mary (Part 1)

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace."  (Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

Long before one of the greatest love poems was written, there was God and His amazing love for man.  So, how does God love us? (Psalm 103: 1-4; 11-12)

He forgives us over and over and over again

"He pardons all your iniquities ..." 

He heals us 

"He heals all your ills."

He keeps us from harm - of all forms and sizes

"He redeems your life from destruction ..."

He watches over us 24/7

"For as the heavens are high above the earth, so surpassing is His kindness toward those who fear Him.  As far as the east is from the west, so far has He put our transgressions from us." 

He gives us and our lives a make over

"He crowns you with kindness and compassion."

"The Love of Christ impels us ... Consequently from now on we regard no one according to the flesh ... So whoever is in Christ is a new creation:  the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come." (2 Corinthians 5:14-17)

Reflection on Readings: Raphael, God's Undercover Agent

This entire week, the first readings revolved around the interlinked stories of Tobit and Sarah, and the key role of God's undercover agent, Archangel Raphael.

Our prayers are brought and read out loud to God by the angels.  God also charges them with undercover work sometimes - to do some verification prior to dispensing special blessings and graces.  This is what Raphael did, when God decided to hit two birds with, essentially, one stone ... that gave birth to a beautiful love story.

"At that very time, the prayer of these two suppliants was heard in the glorious presence of Almighty God.  So Raphael was sent to heal them both ..." (Tobit 3:16-17)

Sometimes, when everything seems hopeless, God turns things around and it, inevitably, catches us blindsided. He delights in surprising us and exceeding (and, I mean, EXCEEDING) expectations. And, if you take the time to reflect, you will see He likes putting in a subtle touch of comedy as well. It's amazingly witty, actually.

So just hang tight.

Tobit

Tobit "walked all the days of my [his] life on the paths of truth and righteousness.  I [He] performed many charitable works for my [his] kinsmen and my [his] people who had been deported with me [him] to  Nineveh, Assyria."  (Tobit 1:3)

He remained faithful to God's teachings even at the risk of execution. And he did so with love. "And I wept.Then at sunset I went out, dug a grave, and buried him.  The neighbors mocked me, saying to one another: 'He is still not afraid!  Once before he was hunted down for execution because of this very thing; yet now that he has escaped, here he is again burying the dead!'" (Tobit 2:7-8)

Just like Job, he was tested by God. He became blind because of bird droppings that landed on his eyes, causing cataracts. It was, understandably, particularly difficult ... "She said to me, 'It was given to me as a bonus over and above my wages.'  Yet I would not believe her, and told her to give it back to its owners.  I became very angry with her over this.  So she retorted: 'Where are your charitable deeds now?  Where are your virtuous acts? See! Your true character is finally showing itself!'" (Tobit 2:14)

It was enough reminder for him and, overwhelmed, he prayed for death:  "You are righteous, O Lord, and all your deeds are just; all your ways are mercy and truth; you are the judge of the world.  And now, O Lord, may you be mindful of me, and look with favor upon me ... Lord, command me to be delivered from such anguish; let me go to the everlasting abode; Lord, refuse me not.  For it is better for me to die than to endure so much misery in life, and to hear these insults!"  (Tobit 3:1-3, 6-7)

I'm guessing God must have been cracking up at this point ... because He was whipping up a masterfully crafted miracle.  You see, at the same time, Sarah was also praying.

Sarah

Sarah, up at that point, was a total failure in love and marriage.  She had been married seven (yes, SEVEN) times to seven different men, who all died before she could lay with them. The demon Asmodeus killed them.  Naturally, she was mocked and accused of killing her husbands. She contemplated suicide, but decided against it, worried that her father will be mocked for it.  So, just like Tobit, she prayed for death.  "Blessed are you, O Lord, merciful God and blessed is your holy and honorable name.  Blessed are you in all your works forever!" (Tobit 3:11)

Both Tobit's and Sarah's prayers started out with praising God and contained two important elements:

1. Belief that everything that has happened in their lives, God had allowed to happen for a reason.
2. Faith that God is merciful and just; thus, He will make things right.

"Light shines through the darkness for the upright; he is gracious and merciful and just." (Psalm 112:4)

"So Raphael was sent to heal them both:  to remove the cataracts from Tobit's eyes, so that he might again see God's sunlight; and to marry Raguel's daughter Sarah to Tobit's son Tobiah, and then drive the wicked demon Asmodeus from her." (Tobit 3:17)

"I can now tell you that when you, Tobit, and Sarah prayed, it was I who presented and read the record of your prayer before the Glory of the Lord ... I was sent to put you to the test.  At the same time, however, God commissioned me to heal you and your daughter-in-law Sarah.  I am Raphael, one of the seven angels who enter and serve before the Glory of the Lord." (Tobit 12:12-15)

Boom!

The Love Story

Tobit decided that his son Tobiah should marry Sarah.  When Tobiah went off to claim Sarah's hand in marriage, Raphael came with him.  (This is probably where "wingman" came from - get it?).

Raguel, Sarah's father, was upfront with Tobiah on the "seven-dead-husbands" issue.  But Tobiah fully trusted in God's will. So did Raguel, who then said: "I am sure the Lord will look after you both ... Your marriage to her has been decided in heaven!  Take your kinswoman; from now on you are her love, and she is your beloved.  She is yours today and ever after.  And tonight, son, may the Lord of heaven prosper you both. May he grant you mercy and peace." (Tobit 7:11)

Sarah's mother also blessed them: "Be brave, my daughter.  May the Lord grant you joy in place of your grief.  Courage, my daughter." (Tobit 7:17)

The parents' blessings were important, yes, but there was one thing that sealed the success of Tobiah's and Sarah's marriage.  They made it a marriage of three. "Be with someone that will carry you closer to God." (quote from a friend)

"...Tobiah arose from bed and said to his wife, 'My love, get up.  Let us pray and beg our Lord to have mercy on us and to grant us deliverance.' ... 'Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose.  Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age.'" (Tobit 8:4-7)

"True intimacy is more than fooling around with somebody you're attracted to.  I want to share myself with somebody who will press her hands through the surface of my skin, curl herself up inside my soul and say, 'Here, this is who I am'" (Beau Taplin, Intimacy)

"You Should Have Called"

"You should have called," he mimicked her.  "They've found 'You should have called' on hieroglyphics, on rune stones; I swear, it's been the battle cry of women since Eve." (James, Rosie)

It's funny, but it's true.  Since time immemorial, women have been waiting for men to call or visit. I guess we can blame it to the age-old rituals of courtship that, although evolving in the past century, have left basic principles and assumptions largely unchanged ... or still largely believed.

A man who loves a woman:

1. Enjoys and longs to spend time with her
2. Makes time for her
3. Finds a way to be with her
4. Gives and shows her importance
5. Pays attention to her (Listens to both what is said and unsaid)

Because that is exactly how a woman is to the man she loves. Time is the woman's language of love. Thus, it is also the barometer by which she gauges the love given to her.

Of course, there are all these other considerations like:  physical attraction, same wavelength, same principles & values, faithfulness, honesty, respect, affection, etc.  But all of these are also measured, inevitably, in time.

And in that space of time that a woman waits - no matter how short - her mind, her beautifully active mind, goes on hyper mode.

"Love fills and creates the blackest voids.  The day with its promise of night loomed before her, waiting to be killed.  It was this pining obsession she disliked so much about love, he on her mind every second, all the while, suspecting that he was concentrating on his book, with periodic - and brief - fond thoughts of her."  (Elizabeth, Rosie)

And once the call doesn't come, it plants a tiny seed of doubt ... despite the dynamics being generally unchanged the next time it does.  The woman does what she can to shake it off, but sometimes it just persistently hangs heavy overhead.

"I find the pleasure of his company unchanged, despite the dark clouds passing silently above my heart."  (Renee, The Elegance of the Hedgehog)

Men do not seem to have any problem with this.  Perhaps it's the different wiring; the compartmentalized brain.

"It takes two minutes.  You know what a pain in the ass it is to be kept waiting for two hours." 
"I wouldn't do it.  I do not wait.  I would read."  (Elizabeth & James, Rosie)

Meantime, so much of life had gone by; so much productivity lost; so much unnecessary negative juju.

So, woman (in whatever form), don't wait.

• There might be a perfectly plausible explanation.  Rather than analyzing and coming up with 1 million hypotheses, I bet you, it would be easier to just wait for the explanation.  Or ask. 
• Maybe he is not quite there yet. Give him time.  Men (and some women, too) tend to be slow on the uptake when it comes to matters of the heart.
• Or he is still uncertain.  Walk away.  Indecision, afterall, IS a decision. (I read somewhere).  

Whatever it is, if it is God's will, there will be a man worth the wait.  Someone who, once it hits him, won't make you wait ... but will make time stand still. Or make you wish that time would stand still.

Bible Verse Challenge: Verse 7 - John 2:1-10

2 On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. 2 Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding.3 When the wine gave out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” 4 And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what concern is that to you and to me? My hour has not yet come.” 5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” 6 Now standing there were six stone water jars for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. 7 Jesus said to them, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. 8 He said to them, “Now draw some out, and take it to the chief steward.” So they took it. 9 When the steward tasted the water that had become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward called the bridegroom 10 and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and then the inferior wine after the guests have become drunk. But you have kept the good wine until now.”

This is one of my favorite verses because: (1) Mary demonstrates the dynamics of her relationship with Jesus ... that we can reapply!; and (2) It holds a promise.

When the wine gave out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” 4 And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what concern is that to you and to me? My hour has not yet come.”
God knows what is in our hearts, even if we do not or are unable to fully articulate it.

His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

1. Have faith!
2. Persist!
3. Trust and Obey. No matter what, just do whatever He tells you.

Jesus said to them, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. 8 He said to them, “Now draw some out, and take it to the chief steward.” So they took it. 9 When the steward tasted the water that had become wine...

Imagine what extraordinary things will come from ordinary acts - done with God's grace. (Collaborate with God and you're sure to make awesome "music".  Best mixer and producer!)

“Everyone serves the good wine first, and then the inferior wine after the guests have become drunk. But you have kept the good wine until now.”

The best is yet to come.  

Bible Verse Challenge: Verse 6 - Philippians 2:1-4

2 "If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, 2 make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others."

Peace and joy breed in the atmosphere of true love that puts the interest of others above one's self. In the same way, a home stands firm against the external and internal tempests when:

• built on the strong foundation of unselfish love between husband and wife
• that love is consistently and actively reinforced in daily decisions to love
• choosing to love in the small, hidden moments is just as important as (or even more than) loving in the big and visible moments.

This is the home I want to build.  This is the world I want the children to know and grow up in.

Flirt Mode: Disabled?

While waiting for my brother to buy tickets, a guy walks up to me ...

Guy:  Hi, are you in line to buy extra tickets?
Me:  Yes
Guy:  I actually have extra tickets ...
Me:  (I gesture towards my brother, meaning:  Talk to him.  He's paying)
Guy:  (tries again)  I mean, I have extra tickets I can give away ...
Me:  (I gesture once again towards my brother)
Sis-in-law:  (saves the day ... bless her soul) Oh, wow!  Thank you!

The guy walks away ... and they ALL (my brother, my sister-in-law and their two friends - who grew up with us and are practically our sibs as well) descend on me.

Brother:  Tsk tsk tsk ! (Exasperated gesture)
Practically-sister and Sis-in-law:  Ate!!! (I look at them, surprised and lost ... what did I do???)
Practically-brother:  He could have been your destiny! 
Me:  Oh! (I turned around, trying to look for the guy)  
Brother:  Was he ugly?
Sis-in-law:  No, he was tall and looked okay.  But Ate didn't even look at him! We were here, but he was only addressing you, Ate.
Me:  Errr ... (Silently cursing myself) I didn't know ...
Practically-sis:  Really, Ate?!
Me:  Really.  Thus, my status (gesturing to all of me).
Brother:  Ate, you should turn your "Flirt Mode" On.

It's not the first time I'd been oblivious.  These things often dawn on me long after (sometimes years) the whole situation has passed ... and Mr. Could-have-been-my-desitiny has moved on.  You'd think I should have learned by now, but I'm a slow learner ... or an unbrave one.

The thing is, I don't think my "Flirt Mode" is Disabled.  I think it's on auto-pilot.  It does click On every now and then.  I catch on sometimes. 

And then I run. 

Or I chase them off.

There's an Ina painting hanging by my bed.  It explains a lot.

Bible Verse Challenge: Verse 5 - 2 Timothy 1:6-8

"I invite you to fan into flame the gift of God you received through the laying on of my hands.  For God did not confer in us a spirit of bashfulness, but of strength, love and good judgment."

I had seen a post about breaking stereotypes. One of the common stereotypes is that a man/woman of God is quiet and timid.  On the contrary, once God has moved you, it is impossible to be quiet and timid.  The natural reaction is to stand up for His truth, to love with His heart and to live conferring every decision with Him.

Bible Verse Challenge: Verse 4 - Habakkuk 2:2-3

"Then Yahweh answered me and said, "Write down the vision, inscribe it on tablets so it can be easily read, since this is a vision for an appointed time; it will not fail but will be fulfilled in due time.  If it delays, wait for it, for it will come and it will not be deferred."

This was a reading during our community's prayer meeting in October 2013, led by Shep Paul and JP - two people who had always served as God's mouthpiece for my soul. That is why, although I had been on hiatus, I crawled out of my cave and joined the assembly.

That night, there were three visions.  My heart's deepest desires, that make up the story God had planted in my heart, resurfaced and burned my soul back into life. You see, I knew about these two years prior (Holy Week 2011) and had started growing weary and doubting their fulfillment.  Time sometimes makes you second guess the authenticity of previous events and promises.

It's been almost two years from then and, although it's taking some time, I am slowly seeing those visions come to form.  I am no longer just waiting for them. I am watching them unfold, slowly and beautifully ... like a child watching, breathlessly, a flower about to burst into full bloom.

Reflection on Readings: Sunday - May 3

I had a very late (or very early --- depends on how you look at it) conversation with my sister last night (or this morning) and she said something that is central to today's readings:  "I had a good relationship with Him.  That's why it was easy to hear His voice" (or something to that effect).

Everything begins with building and maintaining a relationship with Him. There's a perfect logic to it, which I had shared previously and will reinforce today: 

• Knowing Him is to fall inlove with Him
• Falling inlove with Him means emanating Him
• Emanating Him is doing His will
• Doing His will is trusting and believing that He will give us our heart's desires
• Trusting in Him means living the story He wrote for us
• Living the story He wrote for us means:  (1) becoming the best version of ourselves;  and (2) having and getting the best out of this life.

"The Best", afterall, is relative.  What's best for you may not necessarily be the best for me.  In the same way, if one person finds me wanting, another will see and recognize me as "the best".  However way it works out, one thing's for sure:  Everyone deserves and will get "the best" - if they allow themselves to believe.

Finally, all of these bring peace and happiness.

From 1st Reading - Acts 9:26-31
"The church throughout all Judea, Galilee and Samaria was at peace.  It was being built up and walked in the fear of the Lord, and with the consolation of the Holy Spirit it grew in numbers."

From Psalm 22:26-27, 28, 30, 31-32
"And to Him my soul shall live; my descendants shall serve Him.  Let the coming generation be told of the Lord that they may proclaim to a people yet to be born the justice He has shown." (A bit out of topic, but:  Tell the children how wonderfully awesome our God is! None of these childhood myths that only serve to distract them from the true "Guardian" of the children)

From 2nd Reading - 1 John 3:18-24
"Children, let us love not in word or speech but in deed and truth.  Now this is how we shall know that we belong to the truth and reassure our hearts before Him in whatever our hearts condemn, for God is greater than our hearts and know everything.  Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence in God and receive from Him whatever we ask, because we keep His commandments and do what pleases Him." (Not because God will not give us what's best for us if we're naughty, but because it is only when we are attuned to Him that we are open to Him and the blessings He is only too eager to pour on us.)

From the Gospel - John 15:1-8
"You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you.  Remain in Me, as I remain in you ...
Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without Me you can do nothing ...
If you remain in Me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you ..."

Bible Verse Challenge: Verse 3 - Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

"1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to rend, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace" 

 A major source of stress for me is the timeline I've set for myself.  This, despite the fact that I know I have absolutely no control over all the factors that impact my life --- especially the persons I walked with along Life's different roads. I push and push, sometimes rushing head-on into something, totally unmindful of the tiny screaming voice inside my head that says, "stop!"  The result is:  I "fail" inevitably, reeling in "pain", immensely frustrated.

Sometimes, the best thing to do is NOTHING; to STOP ... and just let the current of God's will take you to where and when you ought to be.

"Trust your story." (Neil Gaiman, Instructions)

When the moment is right, it will be.  It will all just click into place, like perfect pieces of a puzzle - sometimes like Swiss clockwork even! And it will feel RIGHT.

So ... just relax and trust in God's timing.

Bible Verse Challenge: Verse 2 - Hebrews 6:10-20

This was the 1st Reading last Jan 20 and it really struck me.  Here are the specific snippets that hit home:

"God is not unjust as to overlook your work and the love you have demonstrated for His name ...
We earnestly desire each of you to demonstrate the same eagerness for the fulfillment of hope until the end, so that you may not become sluggish, but imitators of those who, through faith and patience, are inheriting the promises ...
And so, after patient waiting, Abraham obtained the promise.
... so that ... we who have taken refuge might be strongly encouraged to hold fast to the hope that lies before us.  This we have as an anchor of the soul, sure and firm, which reaches into the interior behind the veil ..."

This ties in with a short article my friend, Aweng, posted for Epiphany.  I wrote parts of it down in my journal:

"When we follow our stars, we shouldn't expect them to function like our personal GPS.  Their purpose is to convince us to leave our comfort zones, not to show us how to get to wherever it is we're meant to go.  Our stars will disappear.  Eclipses will occur.  Stars will go into hiding.  Like the wise men, we need to learn to search in the dark.  We need to find our way because that is the only way to make our journey.  This probably means that perhaps losing our way is an essential part of the journey.  And, most importantly, we need to refuse to give up just because the searching isn't always easy."


"Do not lose hope — what you seek will be found."  (Neil Gaiman, Instructions)

Bible Verse Challenge: Verse 1 - Isaiah 43:1-3

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. 3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

Trials are a normal part of life.  Everyone goes through it.  But it doesn't make it any easier each time.  Often, trials make me feel like a little girl lost in the woods at the darkest hour of the night ... when all I could think of doing is to stop, hug myself or cover my head with my arms.

This verse is an immense source of comfort, thick with promise and wisdom:

1. I am God's. Who will dare harm me?
2. God is with me.  I can take on anything!
3. The trials will not consume me.  I am a diamond-in-the-making!

Five years ago, I went on a silent retreat.  It opened with a Silencing exercise and a song ... God of Silence .  God's part in the duet expands this verse in a powerfully personal way for me.


"Be still the torment of the night
Will not encumber you, if you believe
My child this darkness isn't emptiness
For here I mold your heart
Unto My image painfully you long to see
The self you yearn to be, but fear to know
The world from which you flee in Me find home
All these I give you, if you remain in Me"