Antonism: Moms Know Best

I don't intend to post anymore Antonism since he's a big boy now, but this one I couldn't resist.

Anton walked in on me while I was on FaceTime with a friend.

A:  Hi, Tito!
Mama:  Tito's going to the doctor tomorrow.
A:  Oh, why?!  You didn't follow your mom???

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 21

What is the purpose of consecrating to Mary?  To "be the one".

The Offertory verse (Psalm 68:21) for the Mass of the Feast of the Sacred Heart is one of the most compelling and painful calls to action from Jesus.  This verse sums up Jesus' thirst for love and for souls.

"My heart had expected reproach and misery.  And I looked for one that would grieve together with me, and there was none; and I sought one that would console me, and I found none."

Sniff!  If that does not compel you to do something, I don't know what will.  Doesn't that just make you want to scream (or sing), "Let me be the one!"

We respond to this in two-fold:

1. To console Jesus, the Head of His Mystical Body - "By being apostles of joy, which means "to console Jesus through joy ..." Mother Teresa addresses this through her three key virtues: total surrender to God, loving trust, and perfect cheerfulness."
2. To console Jesus in the members of His Body - "By recognizing their thirst.  Everyone thirsts: rich and poor, young and old, believer and unbeliever.  Everyone has a restless heart for God, for man is a restless thirst.  To console Jesus in others is to respond to their suffering, especially to that deepest, most universal suffering:  the thirst for love.  We should respond to this thirst in others not with indifference but with a gentle smile that says, 'I delight that you exist, and I, too, understand the pain of your thirst'."  

This is the same constant battlecry by Pope Francis:

"Only when we too can cry about the things you said can we come close to answering that question ... Dear young boys and girls, today’s world doesn’t know how to cry ... Those who are discarded are crying. But we don’t understand much about these people in need. Certain realities of life we only see through eyes cleansed by our tears." - Empathy that moves us to concrete positive action.

Mother Teresa explains:

"The greatest evil is the lack of love and charity, the terrible indifference towards one's neighbor ... [P]eople today are hungry for love, for understanding love which is much greater and which is the only answer to loneliness and great poverty."

I end with a conversation from a book I read more than a couple of years ago - A Wind in the Door.

Progo:  "... if you've been assigned to me, I suppose you must be some kind of a Namer, too, even if a primitive one."

Meg: "Well, then, if I'm a Namer, what does that mean?  What does a Namer do?"

Progo:  "When I was memorizing the names of the stars, part of the purpose was to help them each to be more particularly the particular star each one was supposed to be.  That's basically a Namer's job.  Maybe you're supposed to make earthlings feel more human."

Meg: "What's that supposed to mean?"

Progo: "Love. That's what makes persons know who they are.  You're full of love, Meg, but you don't know how to stay within it when it's not easy."

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 20

The 2nd aspect of Mother Teresa's consecration prayer is indeed a union-like alignment of hearts.  It is a consecration covenant.

To understand what this means to Mother Teresa, we need to understand their Albanian culture of  "besa" - which is very similar to our Filipino "palabra de honor".  She explains it in this manner:

"[Besa] means even if you have killed my father and the police are after you, if I have given you my word, then even if the police kill me, still I will not disclose your name."

I like how Scott Hahn, scripture scholar, distinguishes a contract from a covenant:

"[A] major difference between contracts and covenants may be discovered in their very distinctive forms of exchange.  A contract is an exchange of property in the form of goods and services ('That is mine and this is yours'); whereas a covenant calls for the exchange of persons ("I am yours and you are mine"), creating a shared bond of interpersonal communion."

Similar to a marital covenant (ideally!) where husband and wife enjoy each other's "self-giving love", they also have the obligation to take care of each other "through thick and thin", "through good times and bad."  That is the kind of consecration covenant Mary offers and maybe even better - more than just a two-way street relationship, it is a deeper, more complete union of hearts and souls.

Thus, when we are consecrated to Mary, we can walk confidently knowing that, even without asking, she will take care of our every need and concerns - because, having been united with her, our concerns become her concerns as well.

"... when we give Mary our "yes", she begins to arrange all the events and details of our lives in such beautiful, tender, and loving ways."

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 19

Few Bible verses speak of Mary and in most of them she was pondering: "she kept all these things in her heart, pondering on them."  I'm guessing it's because ...

• She was very young.
• God spoke to her in the most unconventional ways.
• She did not understand God's plans fully at the onset. 
• It must have felt as though Jesus spoke in riddles all the time.
• She is the Mother of God ... yet she had to go through a lot of heartaches.

If I were Mary, I'd probably be pondering a lot, too!

And what good did all her pondering do?  It enabled her to find the silver-lining in every difficult situation; to find the blessings amidst the trials, the highs within the lows; to recognize God's loving hand holding her through it all - good or bad.  It compelled her to keep praising God in spite of everything:  

"My soul magnifies the Lord,

and my spirit rejoices in God, my Savior;

because He has regarded 

the lowliness of His handmaid;

for behold henceforth

all ages shall call me blessed.

Because He who is mighty

has done great things for me,

and holy is His name ... " (Magnificat)

Fr. Michael puts it together perfectly: "heart-pondering prayer leads to praise and thanks, and praise and thanks sets us on fire with divine love."

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 18

Mother Teresa's 2 Simple Prayers:

1. "Lend me your heart"
2. "Keep me in your most pure heart"

Lend Me Your Heart

Simply put, it means:  "Mary, help me to love with the perfect love of your Immaculate Heart." Expanded, it means: "Mary, lend us your heart.  Bring us the Spirit.  Pray that our hardened hearts would burn with love for Jesus.  Help set our hearts on fire with love for Him"

This 1st prayer is essentially active love in Mary's fashion.

Keep Me In Your Most Pure Heart

"Immaculate Heart of Mary, keep me in your most pure heart, so that I may please Jesus through you, in you, and with you."

This is not yet fully explained.  But, for me, this 2nd prayer feels like a union-like alignment of hearts ... and a total surrender.

Poetic Dose: Escape

endless paths
sudden dead ends
darkness descending
trapped in this labyrinth

i have walked
in circles, wearily
running toward
the same unyielding walls

i look up
no other way but up
pull me up
pull me up
now
breathless
into the arms
   of rapidly swirling stars

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 17

It is important to understand Jesus' love for us and His immense thirst for love and souls.  And Mother Teresa said, "If Our Lady had not been with me that ay, I never would have known what Jesus meant when He said, 'I thirst.' ... Her role is to bring you face to face, as John and Magdalen, with the love in the heart of Jesus crucified."

There is a saying, "Mother knows best."  And it's true.  I find myself saying that to my son a lot lately, when he tries to get out of a sticky situation and failing miserably.  Because I know him really well, every mannerism, every intonation. It is no different with Mama Mary and Jesus.  That is why she is the best person to help us understand Jesus, His deep love and His will for us.

 

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 16

Mother Teresa's letter to her Missionaries of Charity on March 25, 1993 feels like a love letter directly from Jesus.

"Jesus wants me to tell you again ... how much love He has for each one of you - beyond all you can imagine. I worry some of you still have not really met Jesus - one to one - you and Jesus alone ... Have you heard the loving words He speaks to you?  Ask for the grace, He is longing to give it. Until you can hear Jesus in the silence of your heart, you will not be able to hear Him saying "I thirst" in the hearts of the poor. Never give up this daily intimate contact with Jesus as the real living person - not just the idea.  How can we last even one day without hearing Jesus say "I love you" - impossible.  Our soul needs that as much as the body needs to breathe the air.
Be careful of all that can block that personal contact with the living Jesus.  The Devil may try to use the hurts of our life, and sometimes our own mistakes - to make you fell it is impossible that Jesus really loves you, is really cleaving to you ... He loves you always, even when you don't feel worthy.  When not accepted by others, even by yourself sometimes - He is the one who will always accept you.  My children, you don't have to be different for Jesus to love you. Only believe - you are precious to Him.  Bring all you are suffering to His feet - only open your heart to be loved by Him as you are.  He will do the rest ...
You all know in your mind that Jesus loves you - but in this letter Mother wants to touch your heart instead ... That is why I ask you to read this letter before the Blessed Sacrament, the same place it was written, so Jesus Himself can speak to you each one.
... Hear your name.  Not just once. Everyday.  If you listen with your heart, you will hear, you will understand.
... "I thirst" is something much deeper than Jesus just saying "I love you". Until you know deep inside that Jesus thirsts for you - you can't begin to know who He wants to be for you.  Or who He wants you to be for Him.
... [Our Lady] was the first person to hear Jesus' cry "I Thirst" with St. John, and I am sure Mary Magdalen ... Her role is to bring you face to face ... with the love in the Heart of Jesus crucified ... "listen to Jesus' thirst."
... He knows your weakness, He wants only your love, wants only the chance to love you.  He is not bound by time ... Hear Him.  Hear your own name.  Make my joy and yours complete."

"Hear your own name" - because Jesus does not seek to be loved in general.  He seeks to be loved by each one of us - in the same way that we want to be loved by the people we love.  Until we give in to that love; to love Him; and allow Him to love us - our joy will not be complete.  It won't be any other human person who has the capacity to complete us (Jerry Maguire's wife got it wrong - but the theme song did, somehow), but only Jesus.

 

Not In the Cards

"And what about kids?", I asked.
"Oh, it's not in the cards for us", he said.  I looked at my brother sideways and saw the pained look.  He was the one who always wanted kids.  I was always the free-spirited one.  That's why we hadn't talked in 10 years.  I left for Italy the day after he got married.  He had a new adventure to embark on ... and I wanted one of my own.
"It is now," I said, "looking back at my sleeping 3-year old."
"Jane ..." he started.
"I know. I know!  It's only for a few months until I find myself a stable job and a place suitable for a jumping jelly bean!"
We laughed, like the old times. 
"I noticed he's a handful", David said, rolling his eyes.
"Just like you," I said, sticking my tongue out, "that's why I named him after you."
"You know I have no problem taking him.  It's just ... I haven't talked this with Sarah yet.  Let me talk to her first, okay?" I nodded, looking out the window.
"Do you remember what mom used to tell us?' I asked.
"About what?"
"God would not plant a desire in my heart that cannot be realized"
"St. Therese of the Child Jesus.  Yeah," he said.
"When do you stop hoping and start accepting your fate?" I brushed a stubborn tear that managed to escape.
He massaged my neck and my lips quivered as the full onslaught came.
"I just wanted someone who will hold me for the rest of my life," I managed between sobs.
"An Italian," he said and we both cracked up as I punched him playfully.
"I think God mixed up our fates," I said.
"I think He did it on purpose," he said. He had tears in his eyes as he pulled me close for a quick hug.
"I bet He did," I said.
"We're good," he said.
"Awesome."

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 15

"... the burning thirst of Jesus for love and for souls ... "

These words and the spiritual darkness that plagued Mother Teresa of Calcutta were what struck me in today's readings.

1. I knew Jesus thirsted for souls, to save souls.  But I never really thought about His burning thirst for love. Surely, millions of people love Him, plus the amazingly selfless love from priests and religious must, more or less, compensate for those who choose to turn away from Him.  And then it hit me.  Of course, he is thirsting for love!  He is connected to each of us and feels our every suffering.  That He is burning for love means that there are many people going through life alone and unloved; that, despite the many advances in technology which promise to keep us all connected, we are all still grossly unconnected.  Technology can never replace actual human warmth and presence. "Likes" do not change anything.
2. Mother Teresa experienced years of "such terrible darkness" in her soul "as if everything was dead". She later on understood, with the help of a priest, that she was in fact experiencing a small part of Christ's sufferings.  This must be why she so feverishly worked on easing the pain and suffering of the most marginalized and forgotten population of Calcutta.  She was working to assuage "the burning thirst of Jesus for love and for souls".
3. And what about us? Don't we all experience bouts or waves of unexplained loneliness and darkness (outside of the usual hormonal shifts for women), too, at some point in our lives?  This is because we are all connected;  thus, in some remote corner of our hearts, is also that "burning thirst for love" which cries out to be satiated.  One day SOON we will have to get out there and do something proactively; else, the emptiness will gnaw at us from the inside.

Dreamwalking: I Dream In Color

"Your father said there might be snakes," she said, "There aren't any snakes, right?"
"There are," he said matter-of-factly, "But they're more scared of us."
"Are you sure?"
"Yup. They slither away when they see humans"
Somehow, that didn't comfort her, but she trudged on behind him, looking warily about.

A few minutes later they entered the trail and she stopped as a wave of familiarity hit her. 
"Ryan!" she screamed, chasing after him, "I've seen this place ... !"

"What?" he screamed back, barely slowing down.
"I've dreamed about this!  In my dream, I stepped out of a log cabin into a woods that looked just like this.  And I remember saying, 'I'm dreaming ... and it's in color!"
She looked around, feeling more certain by the second that this unplanned trail hike is what she dreamed about just a couple of weeks ago.

"Oh, my God,! That was you ... the guy in my dream!"
"Seriously?! I was in it, too?"
"Yeah!"
Whoa! I just got goosebumps!"
Still  recovering from the discovery, she panicked as a detail from the dream came back to her, "In my dream you walked too fast and left me ..."
"You know I am not gonna leave you, right?", he said, picking up the pace.
"Right," she said, rushing to keep up with him ... just in case.

He took her to several beautiful spots, including the overlook she flew over in her dream.  (Yes, she could fly in her dream).  Of course, she didn't fly, but stepped on a ledge.  Close enough.  In her dream, the overlook was tinged with the color of sunset.  The sun was still high up in the sky for a sunset.  But right then, the overlook was peppered with yellow flowers. A beautiful and equally breathtaking substitute.

And, as promised, he didn't leave her.  It was a good thing not all dreams came true, because this reality was so much better.  

The TGIF Effect

Fridays always give me happy feels --- no matter how full and overbooked my calendar is.  I wake up happy with an immediate smile on my lips the minute I open my eyes --- even without coffee running through my system yet.  I feel less stressed and ready to face the day, bouncing or singing along to a Friday Madness playlist.   All hell can break loose, nothing can ruin my Friday vibe.

And I noticed it's true for almost everyone.

And why not?  The weekend is just a blink away.  Just one final push and we would be able to enjoy the weekend:  sleeping in, going on a roadtrip/foodtrip/social events, or just doing nothing. And, most importantly, doing all of these with the people we love.

This anticipation of the weekend naturally makes everyone more pleasant, relaxed, more patient, more forgiving, more open to go the extra mile, more willing to sacrifice a bit more.

If we understood fully what it is that awaits us in heaven, perhaps we would live the TGIF effect everyday of our lives.  Afterall, this weekday life is just a blink compared to the eternity of weekend that awaits us.

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 14

Why strive to be an instrument of Mary?  Because she is God's primary instrument ...

"... use all that I am and have without reserve, wholly to accomplish what was said of you: "She will crush your head," and, "You alone have destroyed all heresies in the whole world ... For wherever you enter you obtain the grace of conversion and growth in holiness, since it is through your hands that all graces come to us from the most Sacred Heart of Jesus."

There is no cause more worthy of our full engagement and commitment and requiring a full armor of God's graces, than to "crush [Satan's] head".

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 13

"Well, if people can give themselves over to Satan to be possessed by him and be his instruments of evil, why can't people give themselves over to God to be possessed by him and be his instruments of love?" (St. Maximilian Kolbe)

Boom!

And who is God's primary instrument during these times?  Yes, Mama Mary. Let us plug into Mary, so that we can start playing the role we were meant to play:  a saint --- not the passive kind, but the active kind, like the Knights of the Immaculata who

" ... seek ... to belong to her in an ever more perfect way and under every aspect without any exception ... so that they may enlighten, reinvigorate and set on fire the souls living in their environment, and make them similar to themselves."

In Day 12's reflection, I noted that Mama Mary is a source of God's graces.  By plugging ourselves onto her, we act as extensions of that source, making it possible to reach more people faster.

To be possessed by Mary is to be her instrument.  Let us allow ourselves to be grace to everyone so that we "touch more lives, more meaningfully everyday" (P&G - hehehe!).

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 12

I discovered reading in grade school.  I devoured everything I could get my hands on, including stories about saints.  One of them was St. Therese of the Child Jesus.

When she was a child, she told her father that her name was written in the stars.  As a nun, she was vocal about wanting to be a saint:  "God would never inspire me with desires which cannot be realized, so in spite of my littleness, I can hope to be a saint."  I thought, then, there is nothing wrong with hoping.  "Shoot for the moon ... and you'll land among the stars." (Of course, we know that stars are farther than the moon, but that's beside the point).

Then I grew up ... and the hope gave way to "what is practical".

BUT, I realized, that, of course, it is God's will for each of us to be saints.  Duh! It is, therefore, not an impossibly ambitious dream, but a totally achievable one!  And Kolbe provides us with a simple formula to achieve just that:  W + w = Sanctity.  Where:  W = God's Will and w = our wills. This means that when our wills align with God's will, we reach sanctity.

Said differently, it is God's Will for us to be saints.  We should, therefore, will ourselves to be saints. (Hehehe!)

Otherwise, it's going to feel like swimming against the current.  Might as well kick back and let the current take you where it wills.

"As God wills, so be it.  In this thought, all happiness is contained, already here on earth, all destiny fulfilled ..."

Easier said than done ... especially when God's will seem to be pushing you towards undesirable channels ... or waterfalls.  Nope.  Not easy.

... Unless we plug ourselves onto the one person who is completely linked to God's will, Mama Mary.  Did I mention that she is also the number one pusher and dealer of God's graces, having unlimited access to them?  Who else should you go to, right?

"To be one in will with Mary of the great fiat, the only human being whose will has never deviated by her choice from God's, is to be perfectly united to the will of God.  And it is this alignment of your will with his that is the pressing business of your life."

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 11

A friend of mine had told me before, "There is order in the universe ... " I don't recall the rest, but it was along the lines of "things will work themselves out".

This is linked to St. Thomas Aquinas's "The Great Circle of Being" - "... all things when they tend to their proper end are returning to the Principle whence they came forth .."  St. Maximilian Kolbe expounds on this with:

"Everywhere in the world we notice action ... departure and return; going away and coming back; separation and reunion. The separation always looks forward to union, which is creative.  All this is simply an image of the Blessed Trinity in the activity of creatures.

"Creatures, by following the natural law implanted in them by God, reach their perfection, become like him, and go back to him.  Intelligent creatures [human beings] love him in a conscious manner; through this love they unite themselves more and more closely with him, so find their way back to him.

"The creature most completely filled with this love, filled with God himself, was the Immaculata, who never contracted the slightest stain of sin, who never departed in the least from God's will."

Everything that God created is a reflection of himself - his beauty and simplicity; his grandeur and littleness - and everything is connected. Each of his creatures was made to fulfill a specific purpose - no matter how seemingly small and insignificant.  If that role is not properly played, then it impacts the rest of the world.  For the animals and the rest of God's creations, their purpose is implanted in them and they act upon it on instinct - much like robots doing as they were programmed.

Us, humans, on the other hand, are more like AI's.  We were created in his image and likeness, given consciousness and free will.  This means, we have the pleasure of being present in the moment, to experience life with all senses engaged.  We are given the chance to explore, know and understand every facet of this beautiful world and its creatures.  In doing so, we get to know and understand the Creator ... and, in the process, fall in love with Him. The sweet reunion happens.

And then we freely do His will, out of love and out of faith.

There is no one better at guiding us through the process of "falling" in love than the one person who is completely attuned to Him - Mama Mary, united to her Spouse.  She is JARVIS turned Vision.

Bigger Bear Series: QT with A

There are days when everything that can go wrong, does go wrong.  Monday was one of them.

1. A and I had a Kidzania event with the rest of the CFA South peeps.  By the time we got there (well before the door opens at 9 am), tickets had been sold out.  Apparently, there were field trips and birthday parties scheduled.
2. Plan B then. Let's go to Mind Museum.  It's closed on Mondays.

At the parking area near Mind Museum, I tell A to leave his bag since it might be heavy carrying it around the museum. 

A:  I want to bring it, Mom, so I can study, in case we go to a Cafe.

And, since the museum was closed, we stayed at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, where I got to prepare for an update as he studied.  Then we had a long leisurely lunch highlighted with pleasant conversation on various topics. We were both disappointed and frustrated, but we made the most out of the situation and ended up truly enjoying each other's company minus the daily stresses. 

The day was jampacked with meetings - scheduled and ambushed. I hardly had time for him, only managing quick hugs in-between meetings and a decent hour for dinner at Deli 24.  Through it all, he did not complain nor trouble other folks.  In fact, a friend went out of his way to tell me that A was particularly good that day!

Things certainly didn't go as I had planned and the day turned out bleak, at best.  But it was a very good opportunity for me to see my son's mature side.  At the end of the day, we felt much closer, basking in the quiet manifestation of our love for each other - each one wanting to make the other feel better despite our shared frustrations.

33 Days to Morning Glory: Days 9 & 10

Another a-ha! moment for me.

In Lourdes, Mama Mary said, "I am the Immaculate Conception", not "I was conceived immaculately".  Why?

There are two Immaculate Conceptions:

1. "The Immaculate Conception is divine ... It's the Holy Spirit ... the uncreated Immaculate Conception."  "... the One who for all eternity 'springs' from God the Father and God the Son as an uncreated conception of Love and who is the 'prototype of all the conceptions that multiply life throughout the universe."
2. "Mary is the created Immaculate Conception".  This is by virtue of her union with the Holy Spirit. Kolbe explains:

 "What type of union is this?  It is above all an interior union, a union of her essence with the "essence" of the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit dwells in her, lives in her.  This was true from the first instant of her existence.  It was always true; it will always be true."

 

"... If among human beings the wife takes the name of her husband because she belongs to him, is one with him, becomes equal to him and is, with him, the source of new life, with how much greater reason should the name of the Holy Spirit, who is the divine Immaculate Conception, be used as the name of her in whom He lives as uncreated Love, the principle of life in the whole supernatural order of grace."

 

This teaching from Kolbe does not only explain Mary as the Immaculate Conception, but explains simply and completely the relationship between husband and wife, as intended by God.

 

Bigger Bear Series: Love, Thy Will Be Done

Waking up early after a Saturday session with the sibs is never easy ... so it never happens. Thank heavens for Sundays that allow for sleeping in. Today, though, I woke up beyond the 10 am threshold ... and my mom's requested departure time for Tagaytay.  Oh, shoots!

I had plans for my Sunday - mostly grooming (I badly need a mani-pedi) and probably a bit of shopping for A's pants (he grows up so fast).  BUT God had other plans ... and what beautiful plans they were!

1. My mom and I acted as moral support for one of our household angels, who was making a very difficult and painful but ultimately the right and best decision.
2. I got to spend good quality time with some important kids I haven't seen in so long. 
3. Quality time outside of our normal routine, for me, A and my mom.
4. One of the best relaxed comprehensive adult conversation with my mom, complete with the most appropriate background music in loop - Love, Thy Will Be Done (by Martika)
5. Finding out God's next love project for the family.

An overall much better plan than mine --- as usual!

PS
And it must be said, there is no full parking for those who believe in The Parking Angel.
 

The 40th: The McNol-VVN Household

Growing up in a McNol-VVN household is not all bed of roses, for sure.  But it is mostly  –

·         Family meals together, especially on Sundays.  From preparation all the way through to washing of the dishes.  Eating is a family affair and a venue to talk about trivial and serious matters.

·         Long drives to Bicol (or any point in Luzon), taking turns to keep whoever is driving awake – by singing to TLC, Basia, Swing out Sister.

·         Family Rosaries – whether in the prayer room, the sala, dining room or in the car.  It’s integral to our growing up that we all know how to recite the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

·         HK Trip – Love comes in many forms and languages.  During that trip it was expressed in a lot of tolerance, patience and gratitude so that everyone enjoyed the holiday.  The whole trip was an ultimate expression of how much, after all and despite everything, we all truly, honestly and completely love each other.

The four of us had been the silent and sometimes not-so-silent witnesses to our parents’ life strategies and struggles the past years.  We have seen how they stood by their principles and values in everything that they undertook.  Whatever the situation, they made the most of it; always looking at the silver lining and being open to whatever learnings the situation has to offer.  And during difficult times, they still manage to put the interest of others before theirs.  When the business was down, they always made sure to provide for the workers first.  We’d borrow just so the workers would have something to take home.  Most of all, we have seen how PRAYER truly served as the cornerstone of the household.

They say, whether consciously or unconsciously, the children tend to emulate their parents.  And, for us, if we are able to emulate but one trait it would be their strong FAITH – the kind that comes from a seemingly inexhaustible well-spring from the deepest recesses of the heart; the kind that enables one to continue looking up and believing despite an ominous task or immovable wall; the kind that gives one the strength to take one painful and tiny step after another and to continue being resilient in the face of absolute impossibility.  Just that ... and we would be true Nolascos.

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 8

Because I need to rest sometimes and because it needs no further explanation ...

"For there's another kind of purity:  purity of intention.  A person practices purity of intention when he directs his thoughts, words, and actions not to himself or another creature but to a divine purpose or mission, and ultimately to God."

"Make me pure in body and spirit and help me to die to myself."

A definite level-up to: "What is the loving thing to do?"

33 Days to Morning Glory: Day 7

"Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down in a most delightful way" (Mary Poppins)

This song popped in my head when I read the points which struck me for Day 7:

• "... the most faithful servants of the Blessed Virgin Mary  ... receive from her the greatest graces and favors of Heaven, which are crosses."  
• "... the servants of Mary [who] carry these crosses with more ease, more merit, and more glory." It "... does not once stop their steps, but rather enables them to advance ..."

What?! If you think about it, though, it's true.  It is the crosses which enable us to grow deeper in our faith, knowledge and understanding of God's love.  After every cross, we become just a little bit more like Christ.

• "... because that Good Mother ... prepares her servants' crosses with so much maternal sweetness and pure love as to make them gladly acceptable, no matter how bitter they may be in themselves ..."

I maintain, that the writer of Mary Poppins derived that idea from St. Louis's writings!

• "[True devotees of Mary] have such facility in carrying the yoke of Jesus Christ that they feel almost nothing of its weight."

No.  I do not fully comprehend how this is possible.  The beauty of faith is you don't need to understand completely before believing.

But, if I were to throw in a guess, it would be love.  Any sacrifice done out of love is not a sacrifice at all, but a chance to express love.

• "... a secure path ... as we walk it, we're particularly protected from and defended against evil:" because "[Mary] puts herself around [her true children], and accompanies them 'like an army in battle array''.

The insurance that matters! Sign me up!

Bigger Bear Series: Ambush Talks

Fridays had started to become hectic as it became our team office day; thus, it's brimming with meetings, both scheduled and ambushed.  Today was no exception with meetings extending all the way through 9 pm.  As a result, I failed to complete a couple of deliverables before my scheduled dinner out and had to go back to the office.

And because I came back after a relatively long relaxed dinner, I got happily ambushed for a catch-up session (over instant coffee - bleh!) with a friend.  I did not get to go home directly after my dinner out BUT I got to happily spend quality time with someone I dearly love.

33 Days to Morning Glory - Days 5 & 6

Day 5 & 6 discussion points are once again linked, thus had to be talked together.  I learned 3 important points:

1. Joining forces with Mary is the best strategy.
2. Entrusting to Mary our little offering ensures this is fully-maximized.
3. When there is concern or worry about the strategy, check your intention.

Joining forces with Mary is the best strategy

This is best illustrated by St. Louis's analogy - 

"It is as if a peasant, wishing to gain friendship and benevolence of the king, went to the queen and presented her with a fruit which was his whole revenue, in order that she might present it to the king.  The queen, having accepted the poor little offering from the peasant, would place the fruit on a large and beautiful dish of gold, and so, on the peasant's behalf, would present it to the king.  Then the fruit, however unworthy in itself to be a king's present, would become worthy of his majesty because of the dish of gold on which it rested and the person who presented it."

The benefit is two-fold:

1. Mary perfects our offerings because she augments it with her merits.
2. Mary presenting it puts God in a better disposition to accept it.

Entrusting to Mary our little offering ensures this if fully-maximized

Mary has better visibility on who needs prayer the most, at any given time.  Surrendering our humble offering to her would flow this to her pool of prayer offerings, which is distributed based on need and urgency.  It will be used to help those who need it the most, when they need it the most.  This, in no way, puts the people we want to pray for at a disadvantage. Our prayers are not votes, such that one less prayer could spell the difference between being granted or not.  No.  Our prayers are supplements.

It's a completely different discussion, but the image below helps illustrate my point.  Mary distributes our offerings according to the "Justice" illustration.

When there is concern or worry about the strategy, check your intention

What about me?  What about the people I'm praying for?  What is left for me and the ones I'm praying for? St. Louis aptly calls this out as self-love and responds with a mild reprimand / rebuke.

"This objection, which comes from self-love and ignorance of the generosity of God and His holy Mother, refutes itself.  A fervent and generous soul who gives God all he has, without reserve, so that he can do nothing more; who lives only for the glory and reign of Jesus Christ, through His holy Mother, and who makes an entire sacrifice of himself to bring it about - will this generous and liberal soul, I say, be more punished in the other world because it has been more liberal and more disinterested than others?  Far, indeed, will that be from the truth!  Rather, it is toward that soul ... that Our Lord and His holy Mother are the most liberal in this world and in the other, in the orders of nature, grace and glory."  (Boom!)

Bigger Bear Series: Stuck!

Yesterday (Tuesday), I woke up realizing that my leaking-faucet nose from Monday had graduated to something asthma-ish.  Groaning inwardly, I conceded to my body's demand for rest (and here I am still typing away at 3 am, just barely recovered - but that's another issue) - and sank back in bed.  I thought miserably, "I'm going to be stuck at home for the day, while my emails pile up again!".

Later that evening, while I was typing away on my laptop (yes, the few hours of bedrest helped and I got to work in the late afternoon), I got a number of messages from family and friends that they were stuck in traffic on their way home to South from the CBD.  Apparently, last night's traffic was not like any ordinary day's traffic.  This was traffic-on-drugs as the massive monsoon rains during the day resulted to flashfloods, clogging up a couple of major highways.

At that point, I thanked the virus culprit.  Better stuck at home in bed, filled; than stuck on the road, hungry!

33 Days to Morning Glory - Days 3 & 4

I meant to write about Day 3 yesterday, but it felt incomplete and half-baked, since it spoke only of the 1st of 2 components of saying "yes" to Mary.  

While having my massage last Saturday, I realized that I had to "surrender" my body completely to the masseuse.  I had to follow her instructions and allow her to reposition parts of my body, so that she can loosen up the muscles properly.

The story (The Pearl, by Willi Hoffsuemmer) for my son's Language subject today covers perfectly the main points for Days 3 & 4 of the retreat.

It is about a "dewdrop that fell from the leaves of a tree right into the ocean."  It was carried by the rough waves until it heard a voice that said, 
"Hurry up.  Come into my house; here you'll be safe".  
She did so and was relieved until she realized that she might be trapped in that house forever, never able to reflect the colors of the rainbow again.  She raised this to the lady of the house who said, 
"If you stubbornly fight against what fate has in store for you, you'll just find yourself suffering hopelessly and helplessly.  But if you patiently accept all that fate has in store, you'll be at ease.  Then, you will grow stronger from within yourself.  And one day you'll be worth a thousand times more than when you fell off the tree."  
The dewdrop resisted at first, but then decided to yield, thinking, 
"Good luck to the times that are past; today cannot last forever; and who knows what great thing tomorrow might bring?"  
Then, one day, the house - which was a clamshell - was opened by a pearl diver who exclaimed, 
"O look at the absolutely perfect pearl that I have found! It has the shape of a dewdrop and reflects all the colors of the rainbow.  It must  be worth a fortune ..."

Saying "yes" to Mary, means completely surrendering to her, so that she is able to form us into little Christs.  This means to:

1. Remain faithful to our baptismal vows:  (1) reject Satan; (2) have faith and remain committed to Jesus.  Mary is able to help us do this because "God has put enmity between her and Satan" (Gen 3:15)
2. Give ourselves as intimate gift to Mary.  This means giving our entire selves - everything we have and do - to Mary; to be at her disposal; to be her instruments in moving forward God's ultimate plan of salvation for all.

By ourselves, we are as fleeting as a dewdrop. With Mary, she can use the merits of our good works and mold us into beautiful lasting pearls.

Reflection on Readings: Un-clench Your Jaws

"...then He looked up to heaven and groaned, and said to him, Ephphatha! --- that is, "Be opened!" And immediately the man's ears were opened, his speech impediment was removed, and he spoke plainly."

(Mark 7:34-35)

Last Saturday, I was finally able to have my long-awaited-always-foiled massage at my favorite spa. I went in with the intention of getting the most out of the 2-hour session; to fully relax and declutter my mind from all the concerns.  A few minutes into it, I found my mind racing with various thoughts on my son, work, unfulfilled dreams, etc. So I willed myself to let all those thoughts go and to relax, remembering what our yoga instructor would say during savasana, "Un-clench your jaws; slightly open your mouth".

I un-clenched my jaws, opened my mouth slightly ... and exhaled all my worries, emptying my mind. Only then was I able to experience and enjoy the massage fully.

I have been living my life with clenched jaws, focused on what I want out of life and what I want to give. I drudge on adamant on bringing my plans to fulfillment - by hook or by crook. My plan, afterall, is good and faultless.  I realized, that when I am so focused on making my plans happen, I fail to see, hear and feel all that is around me.  I fail to see, hear and feel God's will for me; and so I stumble on through life, getting nowhere --- because I am blind, deaf and numb.

33 Days to Morning Glory - Day 2

"In the town of Pontchateau, St. Louis inspired the peasants to build a huge monument to the Passion of Christ on a neighboring hill.  For 15 months, hundreds of peasants volunteered their skills and labor to build it.  When completed, it stood as a massive structure, a real labor of love, and on the day before it was supposed to be dedicated by the bishop, word got back to Louis that his enemies had convinced the government to destroy it ...

Louis said, "We had hoped to build a Calvary here.  Let us build it in our hearts.  Blessed  be God."

... the saint obediently accepted the destruction of his plans and blessed God."

St. Louis's plan, in itself, was good. But God had allowed for it to be destroyed - despite being a labor of love by hundreds of peasants for 15 months! If I were in his shoes, I would definitely feel hurt and frustrated at God - not just for me, but also for everyone who worked on it.  But, then, perhaps the monument had already served its purpose ;.. while it was being built.  And it no longer needs to exist after.  I imagine the exercise of building it had drawn hundreds of strangers to one place, working together for one goal. They would have been bonded and, likely, kept in touch after it was built (and destroyed).  Who knows ... it may have even established several small prayer communities.  Who knows ...

Sometimes God's will seems indifferent.  Yet when one takes the time to peel its layers, one will find, usually in due time, that it truly is simply wise.

33 Days to Morning Glory - Day 1

It gives me warm fuzzies thinking that Mama Mary made special arrangements for the start of my 33-day DIY retreat, kicking it off with a beautiful First Friday Mass.

The following points from the priest's homily struck me :

• A lot of people don't go to Mass, because they think that they don't get anything out of it.  In order to get something from it, one should bring something to the Mass.
• Bring the desire and the decision to change and the grace to follow through will be given to you.
• From the Gospel:  Rather, new wine must be poured into fresh wineskins. And no one who has been drinking old wine desires new, for he says. "The old is good."
• For something new / change to happen, one needs a new heart that is open to new things.

It's amazing how the priest's homily tied in with the insights I captured from the 1st day's readings:

• "Desire and generosity are key ingredients to making a successful retreat."
• "May Mary intercede for us and may the Holy Spirit fill us with a passion to conscientiously make these of retreat, despite any fatigue, distraction or obstacles."

With everything that is going on in my life right now, I hope and pray that I will be able to keep to the commitment and set aside time everyday for the short reflection. 

Communion song was also perfect - Stella Maris.  I felt immensely blessed, especially since the past couple of weeks felt like a rollercoaster ride.

Bigger Bear Series: Elevator Talks

Last Friday, I got to the office just a little before noon after my Parent-Teacher Coach session in faraway Cubao.  A friend invited me to go out for lunch, but I was still full from an energy bar I found stashed in my bag. (I bought it during my business trip and forgot all about it until I got hungry that morning).

Anyway ... so, I turned down the invite, although I really wanted to have lunch with my friend. I decided to just grab something from Deli 24.  As I got onto the elevator, someone else joined me, who was telling her friend, "Aren't you going to Mass?"

Mass!  It's First Friday and I am at the office in time for the Mass!  Then I realized, it was also the 1st day of 33 Days to Morning Glory.  (I completely forgot amidst the morning's rush). What a perfect way to begin the DIY retreat in preparation for Marian Consecration.

Obviously, somebody else had better plans for me :)

Dreamwalking: The Visitor

I blink my eyes open and find myself lying down at the edge of a huge bed with two other women. They are both asleep.  I hear a rustling and look up.  A man sits on a chair by the bedside.

"What are you doing?", I ask.
"I'm watching you," he says.
"Have you been here long?" I ask.
"Been here awhile," he shrugs.

I sit up to look at him properly, since I'm straining my neck.

"There is a flower ... ", he starts tentatively, "I think that she has tamed me ..."

I perk up at the familiar line. I say nothing and he continues.

"I traveled through life and met a number of flowers, all roses, all beautiful.  Yet I found myself telling each one ---

You are beautiful, but you are empty.  One could not die for you.  To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you - the rose that belongs to me.  But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing.  Because she is my rose."

And then it clicks.

"The Little Prince!", I exclaim. He smiles.

"Wherever I am, I look up at the stars and think:  The stars are beautiful, because of a flower that cannot be seen," he finishes and looks at me.

I hear soft music playing.  "Do you hear that?" I ask. He strains to listen.

... It's been so long / I don't know what to say / I've traveled 'round through deserts on my horse / But jokes aside /  I wanna come back home / You know that night / I said I had to go / You said you'd meet me on the sunny road ...

I stand up.

"It's time, meet me on the sunny road", I whisper as I take a step towards him and look up to brave his eyes.

We stand just an inch apart, looking at each other, breathing ...

1, 2, 3 ...

We kiss.

I blink my eyes open and find myself lying on my bed, facing a blank wall.

Reflection on Readings: The Lover and The Beloved - Part 2

I told myself that if I do get married I would not use the reading:  Ephesians 5:21-32.  Other than it's so overused, I did not like the "Wives should be subordinate to their husbands" bit.  Last Sunday's homily by Fr. Chris changed all that.  And I'm sharing his perspective as a campaign against the traditional views on husband and wife dynamics.

Goals of Marriage

1. Unitive.  The husband and wife become united; one flesh.
2. Procreate.  Give birth (by birth or by heart) to the ultimate expression of their love.
3. Heaven.  (1) To create a loving environment that mirrors heaven on earth; (2) To lead each other (and the entire family) to heaven (i.e. be good influences to each other!).

Roles & Responsibilities

The HEAD - leads

God the Father (in the Holy Trinity)

Jesus (in relation to the Church)

Husband

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her 26 to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, 27 that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church...

The relationship between husband and wife should mirror Christ's relationship with the Church. Jesus worked and sacrificed Himself - to the point of laying down His life - for the Church. That is how much He loved the Church.  That is how much a husband should love his wife.

Jesus led the Church in the path to righteousness and safeguarded her.  He did so by following the Will of the Father.  In a marriage, the husband should "lead by listening to the music of the Gospel".

The HEART - follows

God the Son (in the Holy Trinity)

Church (in relation to Jesus)

Wife

22 Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. 24 As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.

"Submission brings freedom because it brings trust and peace in the home." (Fr. Chris)

By virtue of his position, the husband's role is to lead the family - irrespective of talents, capabilities, resources, etc. The wife should step back and allow the husband to lead.  Of course, if he fails to or chooses not to, then she can, by all means, step in.

Picture the Holy Family:  Jesus, Mary, Joseph. That is the order of importance in Church history, meaning Joseph is the least prominent.  And yet he is the head of the Holy Family - both Jesus and Mary were subordinate to him and followed where he led (and, boy, did he take them places!).

Equality Does Not Mean Similarity

"Leading & Following are different, equal and reciprocal roles"  This, to me, is Fr. Chris' most powerful statement.  It shows the partnership between husband and wife and underlines the importance of both roles.

Picture dance partners on the dance floor.  The most beautiful and seamless dance numbers are those where the man leads confidently and the woman, in full trust, allows herself to be led. 

Is one above the other?  No.  Both are important.  But a dance would have been a disaster if both were leading or both were following. They are equally important, but they play different roles.  

To promote equality, then, is not to brand one role as being above the other, but to celebrate and revel in our differences.

Reflection on Readings: The Lover and The Beloved - Part 1

22Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. 24 As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her 26 to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, 27 that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church.

(August 23 2nd Reading:  Ephesians 5:21-32)

This is one of the commonly-used readings during weddings and one that is often misconstrued or incompletely understood.  Incompletely - because we often get stuck on just the first part and forget the second part, losing its full context and meaning.  Last Sunday, Fr. Chris, from The Divine Mercy Shrine in Massachusetts, peeled the rich text's multiple layers and facets.

Parallelisms

Jesus + Church

Husband + Wife

Lover + Beloved  

All love stories begin with a lover who finds a beloved, woos her, proves his love for her, she reciprocates and they get married. It becomes a happy ever after if they stick to the formula provided in the reading.  But, the point is, it begins with a lover who loves first and keeps on loving at all costs.

Lover + Beloved = Love

God the Father + God the Son = God the Holy Spirit

Joseph + Mary = Jesus

Husband + Wife = Child/ren

In the beginning was God the Father who loves His Son.  Their love for each other was so great, that it took the form of the Third Person in the Holy Trinity - the Holy Spirit.  So, too, a child is born (whether from the body or from the heart) out of the love between husband and wife.  The child is the embodiment of that love.

Order of Priorities

Fr. Chris aptly points out that we have become a child-centric society with our order of priorities as follows: (1) Child/ren; (2) Spouse; (3) God.  But it should be:  (1) God; (2) Spouse; (3) Child/ren,

Love God above all else. It's the first and most important commandment, not because God is a proud and vain god, but because loving Him enables us to see others and ourselves the way He does; and to love in His fashion: selflessly and purely.

Love your spouse ... because you are ONE.  "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." Brother Bo said in one of his posts, "I believe that the best way a husband can love his children is to love their mother. And the best way a mother can love her children is to love their father."  And I agree because in loving each other, a husband and wife provides their children with the security of a loving and solid home.

Then love your child. (No elaboration needed).

Bigger Bear Series: Plans and Serendipity

The past couple of weeks had been horrendously busy.  It seemed all my deliverables (work and home) had a secret meeting and decided to pounce on me all at the same time, each demanding for my full attention. And I was helpless in the knowledge that all are urgent and important.  I may have missed the resolution to this situation in Covey's training.  What I would give for a clone - or two - then.

Business trips usually meant more work for me.  But, given the situation, the planned trip turned out to be a welcome respite. I wanted to fully leverage on the trip to the US ... as it does not seem that I will pass this way again anytime soon.  Thus, I planned to meet a number of friends.

I spent my first night with a very dear friend, chatting away till close to midnight.  In the morning, we decided to play it by ear.  And spent the morning and afternoon enjoying each other's company and doing stuff we like doing most:  eating and shopping.  

One particular friend I wanted so badly to meet suddenly couldn't make it. Right at that moment, I got
an email from a friend I hadn't seen in 20+ years.  Apparently, she had been living for a couple of years now in the city I was headed to.  What are the odds?!

And, though we both had other plans for the weekend, we managed to switch things around to open up a good amount of quality time together.  Honestly, it felt like all the stars aligned for us to reconnect and reminisce.

We started with Mass at a church where the Deacon was a Filipino AND ex-P&G associate director, who chatted with us, making an instant connection. (Again.  What are the odds?!) Then we spent the early part of the evening digging through boxes and boxes of pictures, while talking nonstop. All the years simply melted away.  Then we closed it with an impromptu birthday celebration for me, since I didn't have the chance to properly celebrate it with everything going on.

So much serendipitous events in just one weekend!  Once again, God reinforced that when things don't go as I planned, they are going as He planned ... and it is, without a doubt, much better than mine. Always.

"Do Not Let Your Heart Die"

For Monsignor Manny Gabriel's birthday, Fr. D (I did not quite catch his name) was tasked to give the homily.  He started off with a quote from "The Breakfast Club":

"When you grow up, your heart dies."—Allison

Then he proceeded with an eloquent testimony to Monsi Manny's life of selfless service and love ... which I would very much want to get a copy of, but only managed to capture a few rough snippets.

• Do not let your heart die.
• Despite all the pain and difficulties, he maintained a heart willing to forgive and ready to love again.
• We are plagued with fear of darkness and of the unknown.  Have the child-like faith to plunge forward.
• Have the courage to face both the lights and shadows of life.
• Marry the old and the young ... grow old in years and wisdom, but remain young at heart and in faith.

Immediately after Mass, one of my BFF's came upon a nice quote and tagged me. Lo! and behold, it spoke of fear and forgiveness.  I was beginning to see a trend here.

I realized, that one of the things which distinguish children from adults is their lack of sense of danger.  They are FEARLESS.  Of course!, you say.  As we grow older, we gain knowledge about a lot of things and we come to depend upon that knowledge - even though we know how limited it is . Then our faith dwindles and paranoia sets in. This inevitably limits us ... because, at some point, we stop believing. When we stop believing, the miracles stop ... or we stop seeing the miracles.  We lose that sense of awe and wonder which gives us the courage to take leaps of faith.  When we are unable to take leaps of faith, we miss out on the chance to feel the rush of falling and the exhilaration of flying --- which pump the heart.

It is not growing up that kills the heart.  It's losing faith.

PS:
Forgiving, by the way,  is a leap of faith ... as is any form of letting go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuX-ls_GR54

Bigger Bear Series: Delays are Blessings in Disguise

Whenever my heart is troubled or my brain starts working on hyper mode, I have but one solution:  Go to Mass.  Maybe two.  I go to the Blessed Sacrament as well.

From the beginning of this week it was not just troubled heart or hyper brain. It was troubled heart AND hyper brain.  I was officially petrified (like Ginny Weasley petrified in front of a basilisk) and my defenses naturally whisked me into my internal Panic Room.

So, I had to go to Mass.

But, first, I was hungry.  I looked over at my sister, busily working on her laptop beside me and said, "Want to grab merienda with me?"  She wanted a burger, a McDonald's burger.  So, the plan was for us to go to McDonald's and then I'll drop them back home before I go to Mass.

On our way out, we were detained by the mother.  As a result, I had no choice but to take them with me to Mass. When we entered the church, we noticed that the place was abuzz with much activity.  At the entrance stood, not one, but ten (10!) priests.  It was our parish priest's birthday celebration and he was concelebrating with his priest friends.

The homily was a witnessing to our parish priest's life of service and love.  But it was organized and articulated in a way that makes it relevant to everyone.

My sister, A and I were immensely blessed by it.  I was happy that I got to attend the Mass with two important people in my life.  And all because we were kept at home longer by our mom.

Reflection on Readings: When A Cloud Hangs Overhead

36 Whenever the cloud rose from the Dwelling, the children of Israel would set out on their journey. 37 But if the cloud did not lift, they would not go forward; only when it lifted did they go forward. 38 In the daytime the cloud of the Lord was seen over the Dwelling; whereas at night, fire was seen in the cloud by the whole house of Israel in all the stages of their journey.

(From today's 1st Reading:  Exodus 40:16-21, 34-38)


Clouds have always been associated with sadness, trouble, uncertainty and doubt.  When one says, "I feel a cloud hanging over me", it usually means the person has a heavy heart.  Clouds aren't good.

In today's first reading, the cloud guided "the whole house of Israel in all the stages of their journey".  I realized, throughout my life I had wanted immediate answers to my questions;  demanded quick directions --- because I wanted to reach my goals immediately; or (ever since I said I am giving in to God's will) fulfill God's plans for me ASAP.  Clouds and shadows-of-doubt unsettled me --- because these, for me, caused unnecessary delays.  And I tortured myself incessantly for my inability to read the signs and decipher God's will.  

I failed to realize that, while I have finally succeeded (sort of) in following God's directions, I have not yet fully surrendered to God's timing.  Like the Israelites, I need to find peace in stopping and resting until the cloud lifts and the way forward is clearly revealed.  When a cloud hangs overhead, it does not necessarily mean there's trouble or you've lost your way.  Sometimes it simply means, "Wait for further instructions".

And She Treasured All These in Her Heart

There are very few Bible verses on Mama Mary.  Of those few, a couple of them say, "His mother treasured all these things in her heart."  Or "She pondered on these in her heart".

At first, I thought, she had to ponder on all of these things because she never fully understood everything at the onset.  To treasure these things in her heart was another way of saying the same thing.  But, a few days ago, it hit me ... these verses are entirely different.

"She treasured all these things in her heart" because ---

1. Then was not the time to reveal who Jesus is.
2. She knew that Jesus was entrusted to her and Joseph in order to prepare Him for His mission. He will only be with her for a few years.
3. It is the daily insignificant moments, the seemingly trivial gestures (like God the Son being obedient to a lowly human mother) of people we love and who love us, that make the heart smile.  These moments are the ones we keep secret and guard jealously within the deepest recesses of our hearts.  These are the moments we go back to for strength, faith, hope and love.

Not much was revealed about Jesus' growing years;  only the important ones.  The rest were written off  as"lost years".  But they were not lost ... merely private treasures kept in His mother's heart.